[Allie602]

He is the one who asked me to play with women in front of him. We have a rule (he is bi too), that if he wants to play with men I have to be present and same with me and another woman. He does not want me doing anything with other men and I feel the same way with him and women. ... :'(

I think this is it. Does not sound like she wants this at all. Plus the fact that he does not want her to sleep with men. He is orchestrating this. Has nothing to do with blaming men. Rather a caution to woman not to give so much to selfish men nor to get into one-sided penis centered relationship. It's not men it's selfish men.

OP if you are still here my suggestion is to tell you want a man or you will not do a woman then leave this man. Let him try and find someone as giving as you he never will. And he will regret for the rest of his life how he treated you.

[vancityguy]

the way to look at is like this....he is with you cause he loves you. and you are with him cause you love him...the sex with the other girl is only a physical skin deep temporary enjoyment...your there for good shes just literally being used...how did you let it begin in the first place if you didnt like it thats what im wondering?!

[Allie602]

She sounds inexperienced, many young women with little experience of men are easily manipulated, i beleive it is a very natural female tendency to succumb to manipulative self centered men. I beleive it's the basis of why a woman would protitute heself - her body is used for the benifit of a pimp and a john she gets nothing out of it. Why - a good question. I don't blame women who are caught up in situations where they are being used. It happens and the woman has to move on not be chastised for being a woman and blamed and shamed. She learns by the experience and avoid becoming involved with such men. Asking why she let it happen would be like asking her why she was made a woman. .

You write that he loves her - by that I assume you regard exploitive relations as love. I would be interested in to hear where you see love in any of the actions she has described. .
Lastly, your statement about his ability to have emotional feelings, love, for his fiancé and at the same time use her and another woman for his sexual gratification without regards to their feelings is interesting. Is that common for men, to do completely separate emotions of love from the skin to skin contact of sex.

Now that's real interesting, tell me why men claim that when they love a woman, sex with her is an expression that love? And why do men in no/low sexl marriages claim they feel unloved. Their wives dismiss the hubby's desire for sex as just that skin to skin thing you allude to and they should control themselves. So the wives should not feel they are hurting thier husbands emotionally just frustrating there desire for fun and games.

Don't worry about why you are in this, accept no blame or shame OP. You just did not know, we assume men think the same way we do. Your desire was to please the man you love and you assumed he loved you - very common trait. Many a good men prize this in their wives. . Also, know this is NOT love, at lest not for you, he loves but just himself. Love does not disregard the feelings of the beloved, love does not use the beloved, love does unappreciative, love is not indifference.

[CharlesV]

A possible solution for this is to tape the session rather than have the physical presnce? That way temptation is removed and supervision is maintained.

[Guest]

I was drunk one night at the bar with him and didn't think about what I was doing when I was begging a girl there to come home with us that night. After that my fiance realized I was bi and said he wanted to see me with another woman. After one time it has just become our whole life. He says that too, that they are just a used toy, but why doesn't it feel that way? Why does it hurt like it does when I see him with other women?

[Guest]

I am not inexperienced and young and dumb. Everyone no matter how old they are, make mistakes. My most recent mistake was posting my feelings up here. I just wanted some advice not to hear men-hating opinions, or its all my fault . I just wanted to hear from women/men who have had this kind of experience and knows what they are talking about.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Don't worry about why you are in this, accept no blame or shame OP.

We don't judge on this Forum, if you read the above quote you'll recognise that, it's not judgemental....

Sweet, the bottom line is you don't like it.. Sure, he has stated " it's just a toy" I think that is what urks the women here, as that's stating "us women are toys"...

He can have a man, you watch, you can have a woman, he watches, that's fine if you both agree, both accept and both like that.

The moment, you don't like doing what your doing and realise that, he, needs to say "oh, okay, your more important, that's fine, we won't do it", if he doesn't then he really is thinking of himself and not you. Again, that is what our members are trying to say, not man bashing....

Here we will give our opinions based on what you write...

You have a right to feel jealous, it's now not what you want to do and he's not listening..

Talk to him again about it and let him know it's not something you want to do anymore.

CW

[hizenberg]

hes letting you play then ,then he should be allowed to play,either stop doing it or continue feeling what your feeling. you need to see it as your having a sex romp ,to get off and that is it. he does not love her or come home to her each day,and you do not love the other woman you love him,you would be selfish to think that only you are allowed to cheat and he isnt,couse thats what your doing to eachother,allowing eachother to cheat in the company of eachother. good luck figuring it out
i have been there and it did not last,because of the 'cheating' aspect.we had both men and women and its true,relationships where you do the whole '3some thing' dont work. i would never bring another person into my bed with somone i love or careabout again.