[srl]

i dont particually enjoy sex with my boyfriend of 1 year, maily because ive never orgasmd and he doesn't last long enough for me to reach climax anyways.
i lost my virginity to him about 4 months ago and since we have had sex nearly every week. but it doesen't exactly feel good, people talk about how amazing sex is and i dont experiance what they are! ive never had an orgasm as i do not masterbate, i have before but it doesent do much for me no matter what i try! before sex my boyfriend often plays with me and it feels good, then we have sex and it lasts about 3 minuites and i do not cum, we have tried a quicky then half hour later have sex again and it does last a little longer but i still dont cum! its fraustrating as my friends say that its the best feeling in the world and im starting to think that i will never experiance it i fake it and make lots of noises when we have sex cause i know it keeps him happy and he enjoys it more if he thinks im enjoying it too weve tried different persissions and it still dont work. once though we had a bit to drink and he lasted 10 minuites which is long compared to normal!
im scared that this might be a reason we split up in the future cause im just not satisfied as much as he is :/
i love my boyfriend so much and he always does whats best for me, he would rather pleasure me than me pleasure him cause he thinks it his fault that i have never had an orgasm and that he doesn't last long. i never tell him its his fault i say its mine but im not sure what to do!?
should i give up trying and never really enjoy sex with someone i love?
or is there something i could do or try?!
please help me!

thanks x

[Colorado]

First srl, I don't think you are doing anyone any good by "faking it". You obviously have some communication going; though you need a lot more in my opinion, so wouldn't it be better to tell him "glad you was able to orgasm, but I haven't yet - lets keep trying for a while".
I'd personally rather know that, than just go on thinking - everyone had theirs and life is good (as it obviously isn't-yet).
You will get there for sure - don't give up, you just need some more attention from him, and perhaps need to relax some more yourself. He also needs to learn to slow down... 3 minutes is not nearly enough time for you... so hopefully he will also learn to control himself and learn to last longer because though quickies are awesome, sometimes marathon sex is just the best. Just this morning my wife and I must have taken an hour or so, and honestly that is a short marathon session for us.

Do you communicate to the point that you are both comfortable telling each other what is working and what is not? I would suspect that perhaps you are not at that communication level yet, but you need to be. He needs to know what makes you feel good... and as you are getting there, build on that until it feels better, and keep doing that - telling him yes, that works, until you finally work your way up to the big O. But also as I said earlier - you have to know how to relax also, and as long as you keep worrying that it may never happen, or solely focusing on HIS pleasure, you will be fighting not only your climb to ecstasy, but also your feelings of ensuring he is taken care of.

Let me tell you a story that may help - and yes, maybe a little too much info, but here goes: at one time in our relationship (wife and I), I got to a point where I was starting to have some "hardness issues" and just couldn't get it up. Now, the more I kept feeling inadequate for her and worrying that she will feel I don't love her, etc... the worse it got because I was focusing so much on what was NOT happening, that I focused myself into making it more of a reality, and it actually got worse. Then luckily, I hit one of these forums, explained it to the board and folks helped, they said pretty much what I am saying above. Basically, relax!, let it happen, tell her to bear with you for a bit, and things will pick up. She even encouraged me by telling me it's ok and she had read that this stuff happens every now and then, and just continued to slowly work on me during sessions. When I finally relaxed about my perceived inadequacies, and just started enjoying the touch and all, guess what - You guessed it, I rose to the occasion and have never has an issue with that since. Apparently something at one time preceding this period of time with me, triggered a mental feeling that "brought me down" so to speak... and until I was able to work it all out, it just didn't... well "work". So anyhow, Communication, ability to relax, and ability to stop worrying about being inadequate, fixed me right up.

Now, there maybe more to it in your case - or less. Perhaps he is just not quite experienced enough to get you there? Here is where the communication comes into play - like I explained above - TEACH HIM. He will enjoy you telling him this BIG-TIME, as I'm sure he is doing is utmost to make you feel good. Any lessons you provide will only make him more of an expert at that, and make him feel more manly for being able to make you scream (maybe not literally), and of course you will start feeling more open and less worried about this stuff - and as a result you start relaxing and enjoying yourself more; so much so that hopefully you will get to what you desire, the BIG O.

God, I feel like I have rambled on here, but I sincerely hope something I have said helps you on your journey to O's ville, and I hope you revisit there FREQUENTLY!
Just don't give up on it, you sound like you love each other very much, so work at it a little bit, and you will get there.

Good Luck and please feel free to ask if you have any more questions. I know I'm a guy and "how would I know" and all that stuff, but trust me, I've been there too. Perhaps someone of the female persuasion, could confirm (or deny) any of what I have said... I've never claimed to be an expert.

[Texasred]

Let me just summarize and reiterate for you:
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
And then, the best part:
Practice, practice, practice!

[Bellalla]

I had the EXACT same issue as you with my first boyfriend (oh so many years ago) and it was horrible. I kept marveling at how everyone made such a big deal out of something that was so dull for me. It was awful.

We broke up and I moved on to date someone with much more experience who kind of put me through sex boot-camp as it were and I have loved sex ever since. So, I can tell you that there is hope, and in retrospect, I can think of a million things my first boyfriend and I could have tried to make things work if only we had been willing to talk about it honestly and try new things.

No sexual relationship will reach it's full potential without communication and openness, and absolutely no one is good at sex without doing some homework.

Spend some time reading threads here, bookmark a few really insightful posts and maybe read them with your boyfriend so that he too can learn how much better your sex life can be through communication.

Good luck

[marmar86]

Are you also the first person he has ever had sex with? You guys are both so new at it! It's normal to not really know how to enjoy it. I personally never had an orgasm from sex until my husband...And the first few months that we started having sex, I never orgasmed. It wasn't that I wasn't completely turned on by him, I just dont think I was comfortable enough to really "let go" and enjoy myself. I constantly was worrying about pleasing him, instead of worrying about me. And its really all about what position works for you. I find girl on top is the best way for me to orgasm, but many women are different. Some prefer doggy style, or missionary. Some women need to manually stimulate themselves while having sex. Lots of women don't orgasm in sex. But everyone is right...faking it is not going to help. For one, he is going to think you have came, and in turn think its okay for him to come, leading to you not being pleased. There are tricks to a man lasting longer too.. Like you said before, having sex, and then having it again shortly after. My husband actually sings a song to keep his mind off of coming! Foreplay is also a huge help in orgasming during sex. You need to be really in the moment, and sexually turned on to begin with. And you should consider exploring your body! Try different things to yourself to learn what turns you on and makes you orgasm. Then you might be able to use it during sex with your boyfriend.

[marmar86]

Just to be clear, my husband sings a song in his head, not out loud!

[Allie602]

IMO men have it right, they explore their body and know what works for them and woman don't. I think you have to do your part in getting to know what turns you on, it's a normal part of sexual development.

[shweedart]

It took months for my body to get used to and for me to start enjoying sex with my bf (both eachothers firsts) Don't give up hope just yet. Again, don't give up if you can't find what you like...I've been trying to stimulate my own G-spot for months now and to no avail... It took me a while to have a clitoral orgasm too...quite a bit of trying went on there.

If at first you don't succeed...try and try again!