[mackdjsd]

Hi.
I've been wigth my Boy Friend for about a year now and I am ready to start having sex (with a condom, of course). I am nervous to ask him and don't know how to approach this topic. We've never fingered or seen eachother naked (which yes, is pothetic). I think we should get naked or have some foreplay first, but how do I ask for all of this stuff. Please give a detailed description on how you did this.
Thanks in advance

[WildChild]

Don't worry about having intercourse right away. Spend time in sex play and arousal.
I assume you are both virgins or fairly inexperienced?
The best thing you could do is get to know your own and each other's bodies. FInd out what gets you turned out and share it. Get so you can each bring the other to orgasm without intercourse. Then you will be ready to, ummmm, get in to it.

[pretzel]

Absolutely agree with WC here. The more comfortable you are about what you like and what turns you on as well as his likes and dislikes just makes the actual event of having intercourse less stressful. It'll happen just as naturally as can be.

If you and your bf can understand the concept of intercourse not being the end all and be all of sex, then you're well ahead of the game.

[lizzardb63]

If you plan to have sex, you should be mature enough to talk about it. Just ask him if he ever thinks about having sex with you, or if he'd want to some day. That will help you feel him out if he's ready or not.

[Travis_C]

I have to say enjoy each others body first, spend time exploring him and let him explore you, if every thing goes the way you like. It will turn into sex.
Im going with the your a virgin, ever lady virginity i have taking i would say its best for the lady to be on top, it gives you much more control.

I have a to say enjoy ever part of his body before moving on to sex.
i spend 4 years with one girl when i was young, we both what it but said no, It was the best thing ever we became very close.

[Bellalla]

I agree with everyone else.

It's so important to be comfortable with each other and be able to talk about sex freely before you start doing it. If you start having sex before you're comfortable enough to talk about it, you're doing yourself and him a disservice.

Learning to talk about sex, sexual safety, sexual desires, and sexual fears is difficult at first, but the sooner you learn to do it, the better you will be in the long run.
I guarantee it.

He is probably DYING to talk about sex with you!
The best part is that once you get over the fear of talking about it, it's actually really, really fun to talk about!
Even the fears and safety part can be fun to talk about once you get used to it, because it's so wonderful and reassuring when you feel like you can talk about anything with your partner.

Perhaps you can look online for a list of questions to talk about before starting to have sex. I'm sure there's tons of them. Find one you like, print out two copies, and then tell him that even though you know it's a bit awkward, that you would like him to read them and then the two of you can talk about each one together.

Again, I know it's hard, but please trust me that no matter how weird it feels now, it's TOTALLY WORTH IT to learn how to do this now as opposed to later.

Here are a few topics I think might be good to talk about to get the ball rolling, you don't have to get into the scary stuff first:
-talk about masturbation and what each of you likes to do and think about when masturbating, a lot of couples *wish* they learned how to talk freely about this
-talk about how often you each think about sex with each other, what you imagine when you think about it, and what you think it will be like
-talk about things your friends have told you about sex and compare what girls say versus what guys say and get some laughs at how different they are and it will help you see how it's great to be able to understand each other

Above all, have courage!
Sex is an adult and mature thing to do that should be taken seriously in order to enjoy it to the max.
Maturity means having courage, so think of tackling this challenge as the work you need to do in order to earn the prize of a great and exciting sex life.

Please, please trust me that it will be soooooooo much better if you get through the awkward stuff BEFORE starting to have sex. Don't worry about killing the "mood" or anything like that.
More talk=better sex

[Colorado]

Mackdjsd, for goodness sake, don't rush things!

Listen to the folks who above, would everyone say the same thing if it were incorrect? No they wouldn't.
A big part of everything is not reaching the goal, but the fun along the way, and if you are just starting out, don't rush it - enjoy the feelings of not knowing, the excitement of what is to come, the intrigue of the expectations and the nervousness of the first time experience. Enjoy it now and savor every last bit of it!

Spend your time now getting to know everything there is to know about each other, while still not "knowing" whats in each others pants. One of the biggest things in making love and sex is the erotisism - the mind, and how it fantistizes about what may somehow happen, and the feelings associated with that. Again, get to know each other through communication, ask each other every little dirty detail about what each other expects, what they like, how they like it done - or how you would like it to happen, to make it special.

There is nothing special about getting through and looking back saying - I should have taken my time. and think about it this way; I hope he is not pressuring you at all, but if he is in any way doing so, it'll give you the power to force his hand - if that is all he wants and because you don't find yourself ready - he leaves - then you are extremely lucky! Instead of finding out later that it was to be only a conquest for him, and once over he is gone - and leaving you feeling like you have made a huge mistake - so give it time!

Enjoy the "horninness, the desire, the excitement" of what you currently have - there is no rush; and if he is truely dedicated to you he will wait until you are ready.

[thiruselvamk]

WHY THE HURRY? Firstly, how old are both of you? If you both are in the late teens or early twenties, then you need to check the consequences as well. Condoms are no insurance. Even if they were, at one time in later years, you may the one to regret "loss of virginity" to the man who walked out on you. As a volunteer counselor, i have had enough young girls cry on the phone. This is not including the girls left carrying a baby and in a difficult spot
of finding shelter home and "baby hatch' etc. I do not want to be negative about relationships. Be friendly with plenty of people, socialise, understand temperaments, moods etc etc before settling in with THAT MAN OF YOUR CHOICE for YOU WILL BE THE WOMAN OF HIS CHOICE. Remember that religion(s) also prohibit premarital sex. THINK TWICE about that ONE ACTION.