[Jimbeau]

In my experience, men rarely talk about sex with other men so your initial premise took me right out of the story. We may share how we feel about a particular woman (as in "she's hot") but not much beyond that. However, your point is certainly valid as it pertains to how men "think" about women to themselves. As far as I know, most women would be disappointed if their partner stopped before penetration.

This would be a useful thing to teach boys in a high school sex ed. class.

[Mr. Inquisitive]

I know a few that talk explicitly about their sexual experiences and a few that don't. All I can say is the ones that are not so explict are generally the guys that women would consider a "good catch". The others; kinda pigish.

And usually when I'm in the locker room I am discussing the events of whichever sport I just played, not women.

[ItsASecret]

Go to a bar and you will find out the way men talk about their experiences, I am a young lady so yes this can be a situation only found in young obnoxious "pig" ego driven guys. It seems like men, when talking in that manner, use it as a form of masculinity. Like hey I am totally a MAN I totally rammed a chick last week I didn't even get her name but she was such a **** it was awesome! They would say that but they sure as heck are not going to, just as the author noted, say "hey guys I made love in the sweetest way to my GF last night, I lit candles and had soft music took my time it was simply magical". If they said that they would be laughed at and called "Gay".

[Guest]

Well i've been around quite a few women that can be very explicit about a sexual trist they had too...

[ManINeedACoffee]

Do guys really talk about that sort of thing in the locker room like that? According to my boyfriend, "A gentleman never tells."

Case in point, his close friend asked him if he had "hit that thing yet" ("that thing" being me), and his response was something about how it wasn't any of his business, thank you very much. I am so grateful for that. I much prefer the fact that he calls me a "sexual tyrannosaur" in private.

[WildChild]

Having spent time working in "male" fields, what I've heard is the more general referring to women as cold or hot betches, complaining aout how women "don't want it" or will make them sleep on the couch. Or there is the general talk of f-ing or getting a bj. They don't seem to get into particulars, details or emotions other than horniness or being POd. The thing I find weird is that I know that often times their conversation has no relevance to the actual relationship they are in or the experiences they are having. Men who are sweet and loving to their wife, who talk to her on the phone like a love struck teen ager (I've sat next to them in a work truck while they are doing it) when they are with "the guys" will sound like they are forcibly tied to a man eating gorgon. Men I know have miserable situations at home will often kind of imply that they are getting what I know they aren't.

It seems that they do not talk about emotions, connection, concerns in the relationship, how to be an amazing lover... unless they are desparate and talking with a really close freind. In the past couple years, more than once I called the man in my life on comments he made to me about women not wanting sex and being cold - this was a man who frequently turned me down sexually, often just wanted me to watch him masterbate, who wouldn't engage in foreplay.... I pointed out that most men would be happy to have a woman in their life who was generally considered attractive, wanted sex and was willing to try new things and maybe he needed to think about what he was saying and what he was doing. I don't think he is all that unusual for his socio/economic/work group. It's a mind set stereotype that has nothing to do with the reality of their lives.

This does seem to be changing. I do know there is a sub group of men who see women pretty much as meat to use and lose. But then there are women who are just looking for a living dildo and they all should suit each other well. Problem is when they connect with either gender who is looking for something more caring and connected.

I do think there are more men who are getting better at sharing their concerns and situations, but a large part of that seems to be that there is more acceptance of men and women as friends and that kind of group creates a different dynamic. Men who can be friends with women hear more of their true pain and frustration without feeling like it is directed at them, which can shut them down coming from a woman they are involved with. They can offer their insight and have it appreciated without it being a threatening situation for either. This does change the dynamics between genders. When the only persons of the complimentary gender that either is really talking to or interacting with are family or one they in a relationship with, there is usually a risk factor or with family, just a reinforcement of whatever they were raised with. Having a group of friends of mixed gender provides a different safety zone to talk and listen. Rather like this forum can provide. We aren't sharing a bed, there is no risk of rejection at home, so we can open up. Maybe someday this will be the norm for men and women to be able to be truthful and really support friends in improving relationships.

[Casey715]

If I was in a locker room and heard some random guy talk about how the last few betches just loved the f-ing he had given them, I would be embarrassed. Its just like how girls get together and have sleepovers. What happens at these sleepovers? If you ask most guys, pillow fights in sexy underwear that leads to everyone having lesbian sex. No? Not in guys lockerooms either. We shower and get dressed. Not much talking at all. I know thats not the point just wanted to get that out there.

I can't comment on the statement of the OP. My wife can get the 'O' from oral and/or penetration.

[caterpillar79]

I have a high regard for men who keep what happens between the sheets to himself and the one whom he's involved with. Contrary to most of what I read on here, I have heard some more graphic descriptions of what they have done, how he did her and so on. I've been around a lot of guys growing up, mostly cousins my age, and yes, they've shared some colorful detail with me - high school and college included. Maybe its my open - mindedness that compelled them to be at ease talking about these things amongst themselves even in my presence (heck, realized now that I was one of the guys - I kept denying that before!). Once they have all settled down though, these things have stopped. and they became more responsible with their "intimate facts".

With other men - acquaintances, co-workers, friends - I never heard them with their locker-room talk, however, sexual innuendos were plenty.

Having observed a lot of these things going on, I made a conscious decision to watch how the man in my life handles such things - it would be one of my deal breakers. Fortunately, he is as reclusive as me, no close friends, and even if he had one - he really doesn't share his private intimate life with anybody else.

And as WC pointed out, it is good if there are more opportunities for both genders to mix, be friends and share a comfortable non-judgemental conversations, and activities that would help each one develop a better ability to partake in a healthy relationship with each other, and problem - solve objectively together, without the need of each one to cover-up or pull away.

[Guest]

Thank you all for your replies!

The primary intention was to get people talking, chatting, or typing.

Too many men miss the boat when it comes to satisfying their partners. It's all about satisfying themselves. ONe only need to read the reams of research that has been done to see that this is true. Whether or not they admit it in a forum like this is another question.

Ask most men what sex is and they will describe the act of intercourse.

Please find me a woman who wouldn't like more foreplay and/or focus on them during intimacy with their partners then they are currently receivng.

Bottom line: It's a very good book that can help alot of men improve the quality of their intimacy with their partner, IF they're willing to take the focus off of themselves
and think with the head on their shoulders.

Thanks again for taking the time to read it and contribute your thoughts. That's what makes this forum so great.

[rcoreyus]

I think there are lots of social sub-groups of men and women. With one exception, the men I interact with never discuss their sexual escapades - it would be considered impolite. The one who does occasionally do this is generally considered to be rather crude, and even he doesn't talk about F### women, just talks a bit about his S/M sessions.

I sure in other social groups it is different. If it bothers you (and it bothers me), maybe find different men?