When describing sex in the proverbial locker room, men tend to employ the language of penetration – adjectives like “hard” and “deep”.
Rare is the man who says, “I made love to her as subtly and lightly as a feather”; I grazed her vulva as with the delicate wings of a butterfly”. And yet such language would be more appropriate, as the inner two thirds of the vagina are substantially less sensitive than the outer third.
The idea that genital penetration might be seriously overhyped is a bitter pill to swallow, especially for those men of the world who base much of their sexual self-esteem on the value of their penis in stimulating female pleasure. A way of thinking so deeply embedded in our collective consciousness that even a woman is more likely to question, or repress, the natural instincts, responses and sensations of her own body – or fake her way through it –than to challenge the conventional wisdom or risk bruising the male ego.
Is it any wonder, then, that the number one question sent in by female readers to the editors of Cosmopolitan magazine is: What can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse?
Answer: Don’t have intercourse. Or at least make it part of a larger even and not the event itself.
When we know how to recognize and navigate the process of female sexual response, when we understand the role of the clitoris in stimulating that process, the sex becomes easier, simpler, more rewarding, and we’re impelled to create pleasure not just with our penises, but with our hands and mouths, bodies and minds.
Ian Kerner Ph.D.*
Rare is the man who says, “I made love to her as subtly and lightly as a feather”; I grazed her vulva as with the delicate wings of a butterfly”. And yet such language would be more appropriate, as the inner two thirds of the vagina are substantially less sensitive than the outer third.
The idea that genital penetration might be seriously overhyped is a bitter pill to swallow, especially for those men of the world who base much of their sexual self-esteem on the value of their penis in stimulating female pleasure. A way of thinking so deeply embedded in our collective consciousness that even a woman is more likely to question, or repress, the natural instincts, responses and sensations of her own body – or fake her way through it –than to challenge the conventional wisdom or risk bruising the male ego.
Is it any wonder, then, that the number one question sent in by female readers to the editors of Cosmopolitan magazine is: What can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse?
Answer: Don’t have intercourse. Or at least make it part of a larger even and not the event itself.
When we know how to recognize and navigate the process of female sexual response, when we understand the role of the clitoris in stimulating that process, the sex becomes easier, simpler, more rewarding, and we’re impelled to create pleasure not just with our penises, but with our hands and mouths, bodies and minds.
Ian Kerner Ph.D.*
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