[Xandice]

Just a little background first.

I am a widower about to be married again. We were married for 18 years and she passed right after my 40th b-day. I resigned to the fact that I wouldn't marry or meet anyone. However, on a business trip to china I was assigned an interpreter and while I was there we became friends and now 2 years later we are to marry.

My wife to be is still a virgin and when I heard that I become concerned because all I have ever heard have been horror stories of the first time. SOOOOO, I thought I would ask as many women as possible to get a good picture of what I should be aware of, consider, plan for, etc.? Are there things that are out of the question on the first night? She has expressed nervousness, rightly so, and I couldn't answer her questions. Should I keep it simple go all out?

Please be honest and give me plausible solutions and assistance. I might add that she is very shy on the topic and a bit naive as well. I have no problem answering any questions that pertain to the issue.

[Guest]

You just have to take things slow and be very considerant of her and how she feels..

[kristalyn_04]

It's understandable that she is nervous and may not know much about sex. You can ease her mind by lots of communication before the big night, and also communicate with her during (very important). She may not know what she likes, so you will have to experiment with her. Does she masturbate at all? Have you two engaged in manual stimulation or oral at all? If not, would she be against it?

[WildChild]

You may do well not to consummate on your wedding night but instead start teaching her the art of sensual loving. Start with gentle touching, you touching and exploring her and guiding her in touching you. Then move to some lip and tongue play, kissing and licking and nibbling. Teach her about the many forms of kissing; the gentle brushing of your lips, the stronger more intense kiss and then the art of making love with your tongues and lips in a french kiss. You will need to explain the need to allow your emotions to flow through your touch and your tongues.

Then you can move to mutual stimulation, using your hands and then some oral and finally to intercourse. You will have to judge how long to allow to progess through this learning stage and allowing her to feel comfortable. But letting her learn and grow confident and responsive should help make it a good and loving experience.

[jns]

You may do well not to consummate on your wedding night but instead start teaching her the art of sensual loving. Start with gentle touching, you touching and exploring her and guiding her in touching you. Then move to some lip and tongue play, kissing and licking and nibbling. Teach her about the many forms of kissing; the gentle brushing of your lips, the stronger more intense kiss and then the art of making love with your tongues and lips in a french kiss. You will need to explain the need to allow your emotions to flow through your touch and your tongues.

Then you can move to mutual stimulation, using your hands and then some oral and finally to intercourse. You will have to judge how long to allow to progess through this learning stage and allowing her to feel comfortable. But letting her learn and grow confident and responsive should help make it a good and loving experience.

I agree with WC except for the oral, because many women don't know about oral or consider it to be dirty. Talk to her to find out what she knows about it first, or save it for later until you understand her view of sex.

What have you and her done during the dating stage? Did you go out together? If you did, was it chaperoned or not? Did you sit close together? Did you hug? Did you kiss? Did you or she put their head on the others chest? Did things get more intimate? What is the cultural style for kissing?

If you insist on kissing open mouth and she is not ready for it or culturally considers it to be wrong, you could have a hard time convincing her later that it is OK.

Consider going to bed the first night with shorts on and even a tee shirt. Let her get comfortable with being next to you. Her curiosity will lead her to explore, if not at first, fairly soon. She is an interpreter, so she is fairly intelligent and should be adventurous if she is not scared. Expect her to get in bed with clothes on, even fully dressed. Go slowly so she becomes more comfortable and it will pay dividends. Go to sleep the first night after hugging and exploring each others bodies a bit and especially talking. Leave your hands draped over her if she allows it. If she wants to do more, be accommodating, but do not push her. As always, tell her how beautiful she is and how perfect all of her parts are. Reassurance helps a lot.

I would be very happy if you were to come back here a month or two after you get married and to tell how everything went and what worked. If the wedding is to be like Chinese weddings that I have been to in the USA, expect to change your clothes several times and expect her to change hers a lot more. She should look stunning in the beautiful red dress.

[Texasred]

Maybe a little more background would be helpful in answering your questions: Is your bride-to-be very young? How affectionate or intimate have you been with her, and has she been resistant or open to your advances?
You say she is shy, but could it be she is simply afraid?