[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm starting to hope he gets back into the ring and can nab a win because that would allow us to just take our fantasy play to the next level and let me think of the ring as place where my boyfriend is the king instead of the jester!

Any thoughts on taking JNS's advice and coaxing him into the rematch? I'm really leaning towards doing that now. I couldn't stand to see him give up one of his passions on such a sore note, it would just destroy him! : (

He was 50/50..........that's better than 1 - 100....

Chloe.......all in good time, remember where we said, practice makes perfect, his bosses comment, needs to do more on the hitting side?

Throw him to the wolves, the wolves will get him......

Keep supporting him, the guy was over qualified, he's hot.......please don't push a re-match NOW. without confidence, reality he may be really, really hurt, be patient..work with him...

CW

[Guest]

He was 50/50..........that's better than 1 - 100....

Chloe.......all in good time, remember where we said, practice makes perfect, his bosses comment, needs to do more on the hitting side?

Throw him to the wolves, the wolves will get him......

Keep supporting him, the guy was over qualified, he's hot.......please don't push a re-match NOW. without confidence, reality he may be really, really hurt, be patient..work with him...

CW

Yea I realize it was only a couple fights, but you've gotta understand those are the only times I've seen him in the ring (both losses, 1 being live) so right now in my mind the ring is a place where I see him getting dominated.

As far as I rematch right now you don't have to worry I would never expect him to get back in there right away. At this stage I'm sure if he were to step back in there he'd just get absolutely destroyed again, he probably wouldn't make it to the second round. He wouldn't be able to handle a third loss in a row, with it being the second at the hands of this kid, that would just devastate him. : (

I just talking about doing what JNS said as a motivator to get him training again at full capacity. As of right now he's just so defeated and down on himself that I think he's afraid of stepping back into the ring at all. I talked to him a bit last night after we made love and he's just not sure if he's cut out for the ring anymore after the last two fights. He's had losses before, they come with territory as you said, but he's never been beaten so soundly and then knocked out, and it's happened in back to back fights now. Most of all he's just so broken inside about the last fight, it was the biggest upset of his career. His opponent wasn't "over-qualified" at least on paper, he was supposed to win that fight and got absolutely dismantled instead. To him if he got pummeled by someone he was supposed to beat easily a few weeks ago, what going to happen when the rematch comes weeks/months down the road? He doesn't know how he's going to narrow the gap when his opponent is going to be training/preparing just like he is. I just hope when the time does come he's ready, because that's the only way I can see him getting this fully behind him.

So I was just thinking of using the JNS mentality to get his passion for fighting back so he can at least get back to training. Ya know what I mean? : )

[kristalyn_04]

Chloe I think it's great you're getting involved in his training and trying to understand how the whole system works. Having you in his corner every step of the way will hopefully help him build his confidence back and help him win next time. But you know, IMO, any sport is about having fun and loving what you're doing, not necessarily about winning. He obviously feels differently, and yeah I know it sucks to lose, but that should not be his whole life. There are other experiences in life that he might be overlooking and missing out on because he is so obsessed with MMA, he could be missing out on having a quality relationship with you. I could be wrong here, but just a thought.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Keep supporting him, the guy was over qualified, he's hot.......

Did I just call your boyfriend accidently hot? instead of (not)...

Didn't all of that happen in a Rocky Movie? He needs someone he looks up to who is in the sport, to motivate him, know of any good fighters you can approach and ask a favour?

CW

[Guest]

personally fighting/war should never be done as a sport, only as training and only used if someone attacks you first or takes a shot at your manhood/honor.

i'm opposed to MMA and all other idiotic antics, and i am the least pacifistic guy out there. unless you are Muhammad Ali - which I am not - why am i going to risk getting my kicked?

Boxing is an actual sport with rules, MMA is not a sport. its just a place where insecure guys get their rocks off by beating each other. and it has its risks as you've just discovered the hard way.

in every fight, one person is going to lose. that means half of the people in MMA are gonna get their asses kicked and if get someone like a WAG to watch thats just setting yourself up for disaster.

your boy needs professional help if things don't get better in 6 months. what happened to him and you is natural, especially if you haven't been together for a long time. the fact that you mentioned you are crazy about his alpha character indicates you're still at the initial stages of getting to know him. that is a fragile time and its hard enough to see someone you've loved for 10 years getting smoked, but someone you merely like a lot, it could be disasterous.

whatever happened to just lifting weights and proving your strength to impress a woman? do we really need kick someone's to prove our worth?

[Guest]

He was also worried about my boyfriends confidence after losing two fights in a row. I didn't divulge the secrets of our relationship to him, but I was curious as to why else, besides obvious reasons, he though my boyfriends ego would be damaged. I guess as it turns out the other fighter had been talking about how easily he was going to stomp my boyfriend in the ring, which is probably why this one seemed a bit more personal to my boyfriend aside from the manner in which he lost. According to my coach my boyfriend was pretty level-headed about the situation, even when the other guy brought me up, after learning I was going to be attending. When they were met a week before the fight to finalize the plans the kid said something to the extent of "better be careful bringing that girl around on fight night, she might not want to go home with you". Like I would leave with anyone other than my boyfriend, the guy seems like he a complete jerk. The coach said he just seemed to really be trying to get into my boyfriends head, but my boyfriend isn't much of a "smack talker" or anything so he basically told the other guy to be ready to put his money where his mouth is, when he stepped in the ring. My coach was just worried how he was doing psychologically because the kid basically forced my boyfriend to eat his words after pounding him senseless in the ring. It also made me realize another reason my boyfriend may have been feeling insecure afterwards, maybe the other fighter did get in his head with that comment about me, just after the fight instead of before it. Maybe my boyfriend actually considered that I might be attracted to the other man in the aftermath, what if he mistook me burying my head as a sign of shame? It just made me feel even better he had the chance to talk and clear things up

.

this is what the Australian cricket captain, Steve Waugh, referred to as "mental disintegration".

the problem is that in any other sport, you might leave with your skills demolished, but in a fight you lose with the most fundemental thing you have: your body.

the fact that this "sport" seems to attract cocky pricks is unsurprising. it seems that its more about being a bigger and better man than the other person, and not on self improvement or even self defense - which are noble ends.

this is precisely why you and your boyfriend feel the way you do. sports such as MMA need to be outlawed because they really don't bring anything positive to the table. is your current predicament now worth whatever you got out being in MMA to begin with?

[Guest]

Chloe I think it's great you're getting involved in his training and trying to understand how the whole system works. Having you in his corner every step of the way will hopefully help him build his confidence back and help him win next time. But you know, IMO, any sport is about having fun and loving what you're doing, not necessarily about winning. He obviously feels differently, and yeah I know it sucks to lose, but that should not be his whole life. There are other experiences in life that he might be overlooking and missing out on because he is so obsessed with MMA, he could be missing out on having a quality relationship with you. I could be wrong here, but just a thought.

Thanks Krystal!

I know what you mean about winning not being everything, but to him I just think it's that needing/yearning to prove to himself that he can compete with those other guys in his league in the sport he's passionate about. He knows that I love him and care for him regardless of the results of his fights or else I wouldn't have stuck around after the losses. To him it's about doing something for himself that he can be proud of, you know what I mean?

The thing with fighting, as another poster said, is I think it takes it's toll a little bit more than other sports because you're using your body as the instrument to play. So when you lose, especially badly like my boyfriend did you have the mental scaring, which in my opinion is worse than in other sports because it was induced by a physical beating. Then you also have the mental component, like my boyfriend being beaten by someone he was supposed to beat and the shame of losing in front of me. I mean in his mind he wants to appear as a strong/sexy/dominant male to me, I can only imagine how he feels when someone walks into the ring and shatters his image in front of the person he cares about most, without even breaking a sweat. Then obviously the physical component is a constant reminder. It's been weeks since the fight [little typo on the first page, I had posted a similar message on a different forum before coming here, but nobody even attempted to help. Which is why I'm so thankful for all the support you guys have been providing! : )] but he still has physical manifestations from his beating, and I'm sure every time he looks at them he's reminded of what happened.

I actually think his MMA fighting has had a positive effect on the relationship. I'm attracted to my boyfriend because of the same personality that brought him into fighting. He knows that I get turned on by his confidence, physique, I think the enjoyment he gets from putting his pride/reputation on the line is a huge thrill for him, that carries over into our relationship in the forum of passion/excitement. Unfortunately, as we've seen it's a double edged sword, and right now I think it's putting strain on the relationship. Regardless though, I don't think he would ever been as happy as he was if he wasen't fighting in MMA, the lows are pretty low, but the highs are also pretty high. I just can't wait until he gets me in bed after I've watched him win, I'm sure it will be amazing, unlike anything we've ever shared before! : )

[Guest]

So I decided to take JNS's advice and.....it backfired. : ( I have no idea what to do now!!??!!

Basically,t hings kinda came to a head in the bedroom again. We were having sex and he ejaculated prematurely(3-4 minutes in) again! (third time this week I think? -_-) I was going to brush it off like I normally do, but I figured this would be the perfect time to employ JSN's plan. So I told him that this just wasn't working and that he needs to pick himself up, stop feeling sorry for himself, and start training even harder so he can prepare for a rematch to redeem himself. I told him he had to earn his way back into my good graces.

He didn't take this very well, telling me I wasn't being very supportive. I felt really bad, but I wanted to be firm in hopes he would react like JSN anticipated. We actually didn't sleep in the same room because he was just so frustrated with me. When I woke up though he actually came and brought me breakfast in bed. He apologized for the previous night and told me that I was completely right. He had apparently been mulling over what I said the night before and decided I was right.

I was so excited to here he was going to continue fight! So he left for the gym and came back later in the day really excited. I asked him what had happened....which us when he dropped the bomb on me...

He was scheduled a rematch for this coming Friday, pretty much a week away.... : (

He was excited because they were previously booked up for that night but apparently one of the fights that was previously booked couldn't happen, and the other gym jumped at the chance to feature a rematch.

Obviously, I was devastated. I asked him why he'd do such a thing so quickly and I told he him should be patient and take the time to train and prepare properly first. I let him know that I was just trying to motivate him to get back to his intense training regiment so that he could prepare for this fight in the future. I begged him to reschedule to give him more time, but he just wasn't having it. He said he needs to do this to get his confidence back before it becomes too damaged. He feels the longer he lets the fight build up the harder it will be on him mentally, which will weigh on him in the ring. He's actually managed to talk himself into thinking the last time was a fluke! : (

He didn't take very kindly to my objection either. He asked if I still believed in him. I think he was thinking that because I didn't want him to fight, that I think he didn't have a shot to win(which is true at the moment). So of course I told him I still and always will believe in him and that it's just that I'm scared for him, especially after what happened last fight, and that I think he should take more time to train/recover. He just laughed, pulled me close and said "Don't worry babe, you have nothing to be scared of, I'm not going to lose this one, I promise." The words were so heartfelt they brought me to tears, partially because I could tell he had made up his mind and I didn't want him to fight, but also because he had so much conviction when speaking, I know how badly he wants those words to be true. : ( He just held me and told me not to worry and that everything was going to workout.

I immediately called his coach as soon as I got the opportunity, hoping he would intervene because he didn't really seem to think my boyfriend was ready for a rematch. He agreed with me, and had said they had a little bit of an argument at the gym. My boyfriend basically told him that if he didn't let the other gym arrange the rematch that he'd have to just go looking for it himself. His coach obviously didn't want that, especially considering the level of conviction my boyfriend had when speaking to him. So he reluctantly agreed and scheduled the match.

I'm so scared right now, I know that if he gets back in the ring he's just going to get beaten and bloodied worse than ever before. I won't be able to go through that again, I mean I got shaken up seeing him pretend to get beaten up in our fantasy, if it happens again in the ring I'll just be completely floored/devastated. As for what the loss will do to him I can't sure. I just know he'll just be completely devastated/broken, as he's already fighting in deeply wounded pride. I'd imagine the work we've been putting in the bedroom would be completely wiped out. After all his confidence would be even lower than before , which means the sex will be completely passionless and awful, that is if we even have sex at all. : (

If I honestly thought there was anyway possible for him to win I'd wouldn't be completely against this, but after seeing what happened last time I just can't imagine him even making it out of the first round. My boyfriend is just going to be humiliated out there, and I won't be able to help him or do anything to stop it. : (

Does anyone have any idea on how I can talk my boyfriend out of fighting this premature rematch??!!? : (

[Guest]

I apologize for the double post. It was lagging and I accidentally clicked twice.

[Maximus]

So I decided to take JNS's advice and.....it backfired. : ( I have no idea what to do now!!??!!

Basically,t hings kinda came to a head in the bedroom again. We were having sex and he ejaculated prematurely(3-4 minutes in) again! (third time this week I think? -_-) I was going to brush it off like I normally do, but I figured this would be the perfect time to employ JSN's plan. So I told him that this just wasn't working and that he needs to pick himself up, stop feeling sorry for himself, and start training even harder so he can prepare for a rematch to redeem himself. I told him he had to earn his way back into my good graces.

He didn't take this very well, telling me I wasn't being very supportive. I felt really bad, but I wanted to be firm in hopes he would react like JSN anticipated. We actually didn't sleep in the same room because he was just so frustrated with me. When I woke up though he actually came and brought me breakfast in bed. He apologized for the previous night and told me that I was completely right. He had apparently been mulling over what I said the night before and decided I was right.

I was so excited to here he was going to continue fight! So he left for the gym and came back later in the day really excited. I asked him what had happened....which us when he dropped the bomb on me...

He was scheduled a rematch for this coming Friday, pretty much a week away.... : (

He was excited because they were previously booked up for that night but apparently one of the fights that was previously booked couldn't happen, and the other gym jumped at the chance to feature a rematch.

Obviously, I was devastated. I asked him why he'd do such a thing so quickly and I told he him should be patient and take the time to train and prepare properly first. I let him know that I was just trying to motivate him to get back to his intense training regiment so that he could prepare for this fight in the future. I begged him to reschedule to give him more time, but he just wasn't having it. He said he needs to do this to get his confidence back before it becomes too damaged. He feels the longer he lets the fight build up the harder it will be on him mentally, which will weigh on him in the ring. He's actually managed to talk himself into thinking the last time was a fluke! : (

He didn't take very kindly to my objection either. He asked if I still believed in him. I think he was thinking that because I didn't want him to fight, that I think he didn't have a shot to win(which is true at the moment). So of course I told him I still and always will believe in him and that it's just that I'm scared for him, especially after what happened last fight, and that I think he should take more time to train/recover. He just laughed, pulled me close and said "Don't worry babe, you have nothing to be scared of, I'm not going to lose this one, I promise." The words were so heartfelt they brought me to tears, partially because I could tell he had made up his mind and I didn't want him to fight, but also because he had so much conviction when speaking, I know how badly he wants those words to be true. : ( He just held me and told me not to worry and that everything was going to workout.

I immediately called his coach as soon as I got the opportunity, hoping he would intervene because he didn't really seem to think my boyfriend was ready for a rematch. He agreed with me, and had said they had a little bit of an argument at the gym. My boyfriend basically told him that if he didn't let the other gym arrange the rematch that he'd have to just go looking for it himself. His coach obviously didn't want that, especially considering the level of conviction my boyfriend had when speaking to him. So he reluctantly agreed and scheduled the match.

I'm so scared right now, I know that if he gets back in the ring he's just going to get beaten and bloodied worse than ever before. I won't be able to go through that again, I mean I got shaken up seeing him pretend to get beaten up in our fantasy, if it happens again in the ring I'll just be completely floored/devastated. As for what the loss will do to him I can't sure. I just know he'll just be completely devastated/broken, as he's already fighting in deeply wounded pride. I'd imagine the work we've been putting in the bedroom would be completely wiped out. After all his confidence would be even lower than before , which means the sex will be completely passionless and awful, that is if we even have sex at all. : (

If I honestly thought there was anyway possible for him to win I'd wouldn't be completely against this, but after seeing what happened last time I just can't imagine him even making it out of the first round. My boyfriend is just going to be humiliated out there, and I won't be able to help him or do anything to stop it. : (

Does anyone have any idea on how I can talk my boyfriend out of fighting this premature rematch??!!? : (

It depends how soon is the rematch.
IMHO, a rematch should not occur in less than 6 months.
Anything less than that is unreasonable.
In between he can cherry pick his opponents, to test drive his newly acquired skills (stuffing take downs, striking, getting out of the fence, rolling out from GnP, ...)
This seems a bit much though...So 6 months is really the minimum.

But if he is the rush to get his handed to him as the quickest way to learn, then so be it.

Every sorrow is a blessing in disguise...