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4 Year Relationship, Having Trouble Getting Turned On!

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  • 4 Year Relationship, Having Trouble Getting Turned On!

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. He's the man I'm going to marry. Everything is just about perfect, except for one thing. It's really hard for me to get turned on. Every now and then I'm randomly horny and the sex and everything is AMAZING. But then there are times during four-play where he doesn't make me horny and it "just tickles" to me when he's performing oral sex. Then when we're ready to have sex, it hurts so bad I cry!! It's like I need to take a deep breath and relax or something. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is extremely sexy and I love him so much, but I feel like something is maybe wrong with me? Once in a blue moon I'm in the mood, and mostly I'm not. I'm just scared once we're married this will be a problem.

  • I have the same problem. I came into this site searching for an answer on the same topic. I've been with my fiance for 5 years. Of those two years we've been engaged 2 years. The first few months were good...sex was good. But it slowly started to become painful as you say. We were scheduled to get married in November of 09 but I postponed the wedding using my health as an excuse. I said I had to have back surgery because i had scoliosis and so I had surgery and my wedding was delayed over a year. Now i was scheduled to wed in February and again i delayed it a few months. Obviously this hurts his feeling and he wants answers as to why i wont marry him if i say i love him so just a few days ago i talked to him about it and told him my feelings in regards to sex with him. I dont feel right going into a marriage if i dont feel attracted to him in that way. He is very attractive, takes care of himself and loves me very very much. He is always there for me. He has all the qualities i'm looking for therefore i can't help but wonder if I'm the one with the problem.
    We live 3 hours away from each other so we dont see each other often so he cant understand why i'm not all over him when i see him. I know i'm not numb to the feeling because i have been with one man who i wanted to be with everyday all the time. but now with my fiance i cant. I really try but i can not get the feeling. I dont even like to have phone sex with him. It disgusts me. This is causing me so much stress and him so much emotional pain. I NEED HELP TOO!

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    • Are either of you on hormonal birth control? That can most certainly cause libido problems. I know from experience. It didn't cause that effect the entire 10 years I was on it, but for the last several (I went off in March 2010) it not only caused my sex drive to go down but also my ability to become turned on even with direct stimulation. Very frustrating.
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • I used to be on Yaz and recently got switched to the generic brand of it. I like the generic brand better, even though it's supposed to be the same as Yaz. While on Yaz I never wanted to have sex or even think about it! Now this generic brand is some what better when it comes to sex. But it's funny I can fantasize about other men and celebrities and get turned on so quickly! And as soon as my boyfriend comes over I just dread having sex with him! I think I need to make an appointment with my gynecologist!

        Comment


        • Hmm, if it's just exclusive to your bf and not other guys it's most likely not your pill. Do you think you're just "bored" and need to spice things up a bit?
          "Be what you're looking for."

          Comment


          • Hmm...I noticed something:

            Originally posted by mjstewart33 View Post
            When we're ready to have sex, it hurts so bad I cry!! [...] I'm just scared once we're married this will be a problem.
            Originally posted by mjstewart33 View Post
            I can fantasize about other men and celebrities and get turned on so quickly! And as soon as my boyfriend comes over I just dread having sex with him!
            Look at those two. If sex hurts as bad as it makes you cry it's only normal that you dread that moment. You've connected sex with your boyfriend with pain, so just the thought of it makes your hands sweat. You're scared this will go on forever and you don't see it changing. So what you feel towards him seems normal to me. If you do something that causes you pain you'll definitely want to avoid it.

            I think you should have a checkup either way, to see if something on your body causes the pain.

            It may be that the foreplay is too quick for you and you don't get the time you need to relax and prepare yourself for penetration. Do you feel he rushes sex often? Does it feel good when you masturbate?

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
              Hmm, if it's just exclusive to your bf and not other guys it's most likely not your pill. Do you think you're just "bored" and need to spice things up a bit?
              I am absolutely in agreement with this quote. There has to be attraction for women to have sex or they have to be very turned on, sad to say I think your light of desire has probably gone out.

              Comment

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