[lemonmacaron]

Hi! I'm 22 years old and am just beginning to be sexually active with my partner.

We've only had sex twice so far, and used condoms both times, but once we become more sexually active it'll probably be wiser for me to start on birth control. The thing is, I'm paranoid about my own body - I'm aware of my vaginal discharge changing over my menstrual cycle and I get occasional flare-ups of thrush which I've always just left to clear up on its own.

He's my first sexual partner and he's clean himself, so once I start on birth control there'd be no real need to carry on using condoms - but the idea of unprotected sex makes me so paranoid! Is it normal for couples to carry on using condoms even in a 'safe' relationship, and is there any advice anyone can offer? Thanks x

[Guest]

A male's perspective....

Your first sexual partner? I will assume that he has previous experience... One of the most important things in any successful relationship is open, honest communication. That being said, we men are not always as open and honest as we should be, particularly when it comes to all things sexual (especially in college).

If I were you, I would continue to use condoms for an extended period of time, with or without the added pregnancy protection of birth control. Remember that BC does nothing to protect against STDs. He "says" he's clean... Is, at this early stage in your relationship, it worth exposing YOUR body to something he says he does not have or may not even know that he has? STDs can be carried by one party or the other for extended periods with out their knowledge.

There will come a time when he will want to discontinue using condoms due to cost, incovenience, feeling, etc. When this comes up, suggest you and he go to the college medical clinic TOGETHER and get checked out (especially for STDs). It's a big mature step to take for both of you. ANY guy who really cares about you and himself will agree to it. If he says no, loses his cool or makes other negative comments about your suggestion, then you know exactly who/what you're dealing with and he's not worth it.

You are a bright, beautiful, amazing woman with a long happy life ahead of you. Don't let one guy, who happens to be your first, do ANYTHING to mess that up.

This is a GREAT forum with lots of amazing people and all kinds of life experience. The perfect place to get advice and counsel.

I wish you all the best!

[lemonmacaron]

Hi, thanks so much for your reply! To clarify further about my partner, we've been together for a long while now (I waited till I felt ready to lose my virginity). I know about his 2 previous partners and can trust him 100% on that, but it wouldn't do any harm for him to get checked out so i'll remember that.

[Guest]

It might help him (his ego) if you are willing to get checked and willing to go with him. Obviously, you having no previous partners all but eliminates any concerns about you. Him only having two previous partners, if that's all there were, also significantly reduces his risk of having been exposed to anything. But just like pregnancy, it only takes once....

I am in a condom free and BC free, she's had her tubes tied, physically intimate relationship with the most amazing woman I have ever known and for us personally, there is no better feeling physicially, emotionally and mentally then to share ourselves completely with each other.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Is it normal for couples to carry on using condoms even in a 'safe' relationship,

Seeker's playing Dad And rightly so...I won't harp therefore, on the STD component other than to add, that for instance, herpes can lay dormant for a long time but can be passed from sexual experiences, ie) those two previous relationships

A man does feel more without a condom and therefore the sexual experience of intimacy is definately better...

Is it normal? Has he asked you to get rid of them now?

It is normal to want to feel safe firstly for a while yes... until you get onto birth control, and if you trust your partner then probably not, because you are saying you don't trust him.

As for ensuring your safety, if you do trust him, bring up the herpes virus situation and if he's a carrying boyfriend, he'll get a quick check, to make you feel safe in the understanding it's not about not trusting him, rather being safe from the past....


CW

[lemonmacaron]

I need to clarify - I'm not paranoid about my boyfriend's sexual health, but my own.

"The thing is, I'm paranoid about my own body - I'm aware of my vaginal discharge changing over my menstrual cycle and I get occasional flare-ups of thrush which I've always just left to clear up on its own. "

This is what I'm paranoid about.

[Guest]

CW nailed me Can't help but be a bit of a father to a young woman when in real life, I am the father of a young woman and a father figure to others.

What is causing the paranoia? Concern? Worry? Fear? Have you had an open heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns?

Lack of open honest communication will kill a relationship very quickly, so perhaps the next thing to do is talk with him.

Your body is a temple....treat it accordingly.

[Em x]

Hey hun, ya know a lot of girls will always be paranoid even with a long term relationship I've been with my bf for over a year now and sometimes there are things I worry bout, I would talk to him about it, being a few first timers there are always something new you'd be worrying about, but ya know its alright, let him know whats on your mind and talk about it.

<3 Em