[whit4488]

personally i never think staying in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage for the sake of a child is the best option. once trust is broken it is VERY VERY hard to recover and rebuild and for some couples its impossible. to me it sounds like she has some insecurities and is seeking attention from other men. these are very unfaithful jestures. i would hope that you would leave her. thats not fair to you or your child. you should find a person who could never even fantasize about being with anyone else but you. thats not true love to me.

[Texasred]

I wonder what kind of man would be interested in having sex with his wife in the following scenario:

The husband is very affectionate, loving, cute, caring, sweet, brings flowers, leaves love notes and such.
Then one day the wife says: "You have to stop with these silly feminine things, to me you act like a woman".

Now there's a good question.

[Mr. Inquisitive]

Good ole Facebook, the devils plaything. Maybe it's because I have been cheated on in the past and am somewhat jaded from it but I don't care about feelings, length of relationship etc. If someone was acting in such a way to me I would kick them to the curb without so much as a pair of shoes or socks (and I live somewhere very cold).

And this talk about women cheating for need for companionship, or because they are lacking something is utter nonsense. In the many instances myself and friends have experienced, the women had all the companionship/caring/attention and love they could ask for. Women may cheat for many reasons (they are bored, are looking for a way out of a reationship or are trying to live some perverse soap opera double life fantasy, or sometimes they are just skanks). Hey guys are just as bad but sometimes people over analyze these things. We all get tempted, some people just can't fight the temptation. Some people are spontaneous and act without thinking about the future ramifications, some people are downright selfish and put themselves above all else, and some people are just so insecure within themselves that they turn to sex to try and fill the void.

[pretzel]

I'm not sure where I stand here. All points made so far have been valid and could be a fair representation of what's going on.

There definately appears that some hormonal changes are occurring in the sense that her sex drive has increased as much as you've said it has. But it's more than just the increased sex drive. The OP mentioned that he hasn't (for whatever reason) tried to fulfil her desires which I think has tended to increase her wanting for more. It's emotional in that she is looking to suppliment her higher sex drive, not supplant the marriage. I'm tending to believe that she is not a person who finds masturbation an acceptable suppliment which is unfortunate.

That you now know, but something you've known for a long time, that there are things she has thought about which does involve extra-marital things should also be a wake up call. The biggest one being that she was women enough to admit that given the chance she may have gone through with it should tell you that it's time to talk.

[at a loss]

Trust is something you EARN. It's not just something you give away.
Your wife has shown she's NOT trustworthy.

So than, how to rebuild the trust in the relationship?
No WAY in the world it's just going to happen with you just believing your wife, and taking her word about anything. Where she's going, what she did last night, who's she's talking to on the phone, etc.

Trust me, couples that think going about rebuilding the trust this way NEVER make it.

When you act like child, be prepared to be treated like a child.

If she thinks it's unfair and is unwilling to do this, well there's the door, and don't let it hit you on the way out. She's the one who was lying, and unfortunately LIARS lose their rights and more importantly their dignity when they pull this BS!!!!

[GoddessOfLove]

My take on this situation is that she probably already had sex with him. Sorry, it just seems a little too convenient that you found this BEFORE she actually did anything.

[Scarletkitty]

I think most people cheat, it's just natural. You can't expect one person to satisfy you you're entire life. Cut her some slack. I think if more people would remove their egos from the equation, cheating would be viewed as healthy and wouldn't have to lie about it.

[Mr. Inquisitive]

There is nothing "healthy" about cheating. If monogamy is what you want, thats perfectly fine, then don't get tied down into a relationship. If the relationship ends up not satisfying you then get put before you start hurting peoples feelings. I do agree though that most people cheat maybe we should start a pole on that.

[Scarletkitty]

That's exactly the kind of attitude I'm talking about... If more people weren't closed minded and think that you either have to be single or monogamous with no other options, then people wouldn't have to sneek around. I think most people get hung up on the ego part (jealousy). Think of it this way... you don't have just one person you're allowed to go to the movies with, do you?

[Barefoot]

sorry you're having to deal with this. My parents have just split up because we found out a year ago my mother started cheating on my dad. She is not 51...and we have no idea how long this has been going on. Some people are just like that. Some people aren't. If you plan on trying to make this work then the two of you need to get some therapy. If you can't work through this then it's best to separate because you shouldn't stay together just for your son. That is not a healthy situation for anyone.