[London09]

It honestly sounds as there is an emotional issue here as well. Perhaps a few sessions with a caring dr would help. Waiting a year is really a long time. If she is this afraid it makes me wonder if she is afraid of issues as well. Is she afraid to drive, fly, go out out by herself, work, ride a bus, go out after dark? Has she ever been examined by a dr? This leads me to believe no, maybe a pap test is a good start.

[newb]

I'm in this girlfriend's exact position, except I'm 19. I've been trying to lose my virginity with my bf for 9 months! The sexual frustration has lessened our attempts and put a strain on things in general. I've got a high sex-drive and am aroused probably more often than he is. I'm mentally ready, but come time to penetrate, even if I'm calm and wet, it hurts so bad while entering that I fall right out of my comfort zone and won't physically let him thrust. I've been searching for answers and I'm pretty sure that it's mental and therefore causing things to tighten up and hurt. My hips are size 4; I don't think I'm too small and he's average size. So... any advice from actual experience of how you got over this?

I know that I could bleed and that it will most likely hurt and, while I'm often freaked out by excessive pain or bleeding, I've grown to accept this in an attempt to overcome my fear. After we were on a break for three months and got back together, I thought I was ready and it was the same old thing. I let him orally stimulate me which didn't arouse me really, but I tried to mentally be turned on. He doesn't pressure me and is supportive. Any missing factors here that can solve this issue?

[WildChild]

What kind of sex play do you have? Does he go straight for your goodies or does he carress and love your entire body? Are you playful with your sex play? Can he bring you to orgasm using his hands or tongue? You should work on getting there first.

Why don't you invest a few dildos? Get a then in a range of sizes from about the size of a super tampon, or whatever looks comfortable to you, to just under you bfs size. Get some good, non allergenic lube too. Have your bf help you getting aroused and relaxed and then start with the smallest.

[newb]

Thanks for the suggestions. For our foreplay, we usually just kiss, dry hump, and go straight for the generic oral a little bit before trying penetration. I've never orgasmed and honestly don't get aroused by his oral; it's kind of uncomfortable actually, in a painless way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that will change once I lose my virginity. I've been telling him we should try lube and he agrees, though we haven't be active on getting it and I'm honestly so new to this all that I don't know even where to begin or what kind to get if lube is a good starting place.

I'll try suggesting to him to be more thorough in the sex play. Not sure what he'd say to dildos, but it's a try...

Any other suggestions would be great! Like I said, we've gotten to the penetration point many times now (about 10 tries over the last 9 months). I'll add that it's really painful and I can't force myself to let him keep thrusting; I dry up. I would say three inches is probably the deepest he's gone in. Is that far enough to possibly break the hymen? I've seriously wanted to just drink and get this stuff over with so we can have a regular sex life!

[WildChild]

Three inches shuld be plenty to break your hymen. By all means try some lube. Are you well hydrated? DOes anything get your juices flowing?

[newb]

I guess I'm not well-hydrated. Good point. I don't know what get's me going. I guess I have a lot of experimentation to do.