I'm 51 years old. I've been married for 31 years and I adore my husband. He's kind, generous and very tactile, but I cannot bring myself to have sex with him. We've known each other since we were 10 years old and are very close and I know he's very keen to have a sexual relationship. I had a hysterectomy at 37 years old but, the problems started with me before that. What can I do to find the desire that I know he wants me to have? I want to want to have sex but there's no desire whatsoever. Please help me, his patience will only last for so long.
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Are you attracted to him at all? If you've been married for 31 years I'm assuming you had some kind of sex life with him before. How is your sex drive in general? -
Hi
The issues could be related to Oxytocin levels. This is the bonding hormone. It is usually heavily present in the early part of a relationship.
You can generate it through physical touch. Estrogen boosts its levels so having had an Hysterectomy you may need to work harder to get the level high.
You need to get into activities together that involve touch and physical contact. Massage is great- Start off with non sexual massage to ease into things.
Hand holding, cuddling, compliments and strokes all work as well.
It will take two to three months to notice the benefits. There are long term health benefits to this as well.Comment
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Oxytocin, despite what you read on the internet or what it is says on oxytocin blogs or in oxytocin chat rooms is not the answer to everything related to sexual concerns/issues.Comment
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Like I've said in a previous thread, women have our dry spells... But omai, that's quite a long spell! You could try new things? *assuming there are any left with a relationship that long!
* you could try like, estrogen and other female hormone boosters? An exciting, exotic vacation? Or seeing as I'm not much help, a doctor or sex-therapist? With that many years behind you, I'd bet he'll understand. The two of you even, could come up with some plans, together, on things that might help?
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