[ConfusedWoman]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Since the begining he has not been interested at all in sex. We have sex MAYBE once a week. when we do its clothes on quick fast in a hurry. No foreplay. Nothing. I am confused because he his the first man I have been with who doesn't like to have sex and enjoy all the playful things to go along with it!! I like sex a lot of it!! and he has admitted to "doing it himself" all the time! I don't know what to do or think. he says hes totally in love with me and says I need to stop objectifying him? I don't get it. I am sad and feel our relationship is missing that spark!!

[Hopeless Dork]

Sounds like he has his own sex life outside of you (the masturbation) and so doesn't really feel he needs sex with you... if he laid off on himself, he'd be much more naturally interested in sex with you but his 'stop objectifying him' comment shows that he's not real interested in improving the intimacy level you guys have. Basically, he's sexually satisfied, he has interest in sex... he just prefers to do it alone. You however like sex with a man, with him.. but thats not what he wants. You are 2 years in so I know your in love, but without passion, what you have is a dear friend, a roomate... either he's got to figure out why he doesn't want to make a sexual connection with you... or your doomed to celibacy, cheating, or leaving the relationship

[Mes T]

Definitely if he's masturbating all the time, he won't have much energy left over to be interested in sex.

If he's been like this from the beginning I'd say it'll be really hard to "change" him. He'd need to change his behavior on his own, for himself, and not for anyone else.

Have you had a heart-to-heart chat about how important sex, and all the INTIMATE things that go along with it, is to you?

[anne100]

I would agree with Hopeless on this topic, it sounds like the spark was never really there anyway. I suggest talking about sex while not in bed, not while fighting, and not while watching TV and such. For example, while eating dinner casually mention that you have never talked about your deepest fantasys or if thats too personal start talking about something you heard a friend of a friend say related to sex. Just start a conversation that relates to sex in a positive way that isnt accusing him of not being interested you. It will take pressure off and hopefully open him up to fresh (and exciting) ideas in bed.
If youre feeling bold go out and buy him some flavoured lube which is great for masturbation and blowjobs, Leave it beside the bed with a ribbon on it with a note about how you want to use it with him.

[jns]

Probably he is too into masturbation. I hope that talking with him about it gets him to change, but guys usually don't change. It sounds like you two are sexually incompatible. Somewhere out there is a good someone who will match your level of interest if you decide to go in that direction. Good luck.