[secrets_safe]

ok first off, im not sure if this is in the right section but here i go...

i have a group of best friends, and within this group there is a guy friend. we get on really well and tell each other basically everything. hes general a good guy. he's in a serious relationship with a girl, and has been for 3 years now.

there has been a few occasions over the years were we have been drunk and ended up having a kiss at the end of the night but it has never went any further. which is bad enough when he has a girlfriend.

but, i have just came back for summer from uni, we have been getting on better than ever and we have ended up sleeping together after a drunken night out. it was practically planned because a few nights previous we nearly did but my guilt set in and i stopped it but we had a talk and he said that we would probably end up having sex someday anyway. and so we have.

this is awful because his girlfriend doesnt have a clue and shes a good girl. and he is one of the good guys, believe it or not. hes told me he dosnt love her anymore. i dont necessarily want to be with him but i just couldnt help it. also we had unprotected sex so thats another factor to the problem.

ive told him it cant and wont happen again and he agrees. but any other advice would be great. i know i sound horrible. im the other woman, its pathetic.

sorry its long and thanx for any help.

[Little]

You're not pathetic! I suggest you read all the "other woman" topics under Husband/Fiancé, then stop being around him when he's drunk.

[nutmeg]

"good" guys do not go complaining to another women they get intimate with that they no longer love their "good" girlfriends of 3+ years. if he had any respect for you, her, and himself, he'd be talking to his girlfriend about their issues, not getting drunk and hitting off with you.

people grow up, confront issues directly and take responsibility. stop making excuses and enabling immature behavior.

[Guest]

"good" guys do not go complaining to another women they get intimate with that they no longer love their "good" girlfriends of 3+ years. if he had any respect for you, her, and himself, he'd be talking to his girlfriend about their issues, not getting drunk and hitting off with you.

people grow up, confront issues directly and take responsibility. stop making excuses and enabling immature behavior.

I concur.

You know better than to even think about messing with a guy that has a girlfriend. And don't call him a good guy. He's only good to you because you two slept together.

[secrets_safe]

im not saying he's a good guy because im being naive, i understand that good guys dont do that sort of thing, but from knowing him so well i know he is one of the good guys. which makes the situation worse. even good people mess up. its a horrible sitution.

[Guest]

You're not making yourself sound any better.

[secrets_safe]

im honestly not trying too. i understand how bad it is, i am, for even getting myself into the mess in the first place. its just harder when the person your in the mess with is one of your best friends.

[Iseult]

There are a few issues here, aren't there? I agree with the other ladies who have rejected the notion that your friend is a 'good guy' for the same reasons as them: The fact that you mentioned that something almost happened a few days prior to the occasion you had sex implies that he knew what would happen if he saw you again, but went through with it anyway. This belies any notion of him having a shred of respect or indeed love for his long-term girlfriend. It was, in short calculated. People can appear to be good to all intents and purposes and I'm sure he has been a good friend to you up until now, but you only have to look at the way he has treated someone about whom he purports to care to see that all is not quite what it seems.

Secondly, the fact that you had unprotected sex is certainly a cause for concern. Have you been tested since? I imagine he has had unprotected sex with his current girlfriend and STIs love situations like this for the chance to spread! You both should get yourselves tested as soon as possible and as unrealistic as it might sound, should the tests show anything wrong, your friend will have an obligation to inform his girlfriend of what has happened. Ultimately, as bad as his deceit is, what is worse is the fact that he has risked his girlfriend's health by failing to use a condom with you. You have also risked each other's health, which is why I advise you to get checked out.

Finally, you mentioned that he has complained about his girlfriend and told you that he doesn't love her any more, but why has he not left her? Might it be because he likes to have his cake and eat it? Unfaithful men do tend to pull that 'she doesn't understand me' line frighteningly often as a way to ingratiate themselves with women whom they want to get in to bed. The fact that you have been friends for so long doesn't really make a difference on that count, it probably made it all the easier for him to make that betrayal because you are so close.

To be honest, because of your attraction for your friend, if you really don't want this to happen again, the best thing to do would be to avoid him. Especially in situations where there is potential for a repeat performance. If, however you can't bring yourself to do that, then at least be prepared for the next time he starts with the "I'm in a loveless relationship" spiel and put him on the spot him by saying, "Well, just leave her then. Leave her or just deal with it." His reaction will probably involve a half-hearted excuse and it will probably be very telling.

In all honesty, he doesn't sound like much of a catch, I'm sure you could do a lot better. Find someone who is worthy of your attentions instead.

[Gal]

Hey,

I can picture myself in that other woman's shoes who is involved with that man for past three years. It happened to me and my man slept with his close friend and otld her that he dont love me anymore.

But actually he just wanted it for the moment becuase he then confessed me and is still with me.

Avoid him, he is not worth even talking to.

[skipper]

I have noticed 2 types of behavior from people wanting to change their SO. One type leaves the now inSO and then starts the journey looking for a replacement. The other type keeps what they have while they look for greener grass. The second makes the transition easier b/c you are never without, but makes deception and cheating inevitable. Some call these people dirtbags.

This guy's relationship with the current GF is doomed and was doomed b/f you two did the nasty. He wants out. However, he is going about it in a bad way. My concern for you is if he is cheating on his GF now, why won't he cheat on you later if he wants to search for greener grass again? Will you ever be able to trust him? He is not setting a very good precedent.

You had your fling. Now stop and ask him to break up with the GF before proceeding (if that is what you both want).

And *please* get checked for std. Finally, put a safety in your purse. Be a good girl scout, be prepared.