[cobalt232]

I know this thread is fairly old at this point, but I have good news! Not only is she having orgasms now (and plenty of them), but it turns out she may have been having them this whole time. It seems that the "you'll know it when you have one" adage may have worked to our disadvantage. Between that, and pop cultures perhaps overly dramatic depiction of female orgasms left her unsure about whether what she was experiencing were actually orgasms. But, there are most definitely contractions, and she is most definitely enjoying herself (with more confidence now I might add), so at least it all turned out ok. Thanks for your advice all, even if she has actually been having them this whole time, some of your ideas have improved our sex life if nothing else.

[Mes T]

Hmm. I'm not convinced those are orgasms to be honest, I think it's quite true that "you'll know when you have one"... But I am very happy to hear that your sex life overall is improving and confidence is growing! Good on ya.

[cobalt232]

Well, to be honest, I was not totally convinced either (we're long distance at the moment, so I'm hearing all this from her), but she seems very sure of this, and apparently there are definitely contractions, so I'm comfortable believing her.

[Elanor-Jane]

I know exactly what she's talking about, have been there before myself. The "too much" feeling means she isn't being touched in the right place. Instead of stimulating her clitoris directly, try touching her slightly to either side of the clitoris. It's a very sensitive spot, and not all women like it to be stimulated directly.

What she needs to do is learn to give herself an orgasm. Maybe you can give this to her as homework. Honey, stay indoors this entire weekend, light some candles, clean your bedroom and make it comfortable, read a naughty book or think about your favorite fantasy, and explore yourself! Maybe one of you could purchase a vibrator for her, too, as that can often really help to speed things along.

Now the thing is that a lot of women really need to learn how to do this for themselves, first, without anyone else there. You might hear guys boasting that they gave their girlfriends their first orgasms blah blah blah... highly unlikely. Most women really need to master the art of masturbation first.

Think about it - how long have YOU been masturbating, years of practice, before you had sex for the first time? You know exactly what kind of feeling you are going for, how to make yourself feel good. But she doesn't know this about herself, and if she hasn't been able to do it for herself yet, there's almost no chance that someone else will be able to do it for her.

Best answer.... She needs to know herself bfr she can show u. What u and mes are describing happened to me and like 95% of my friends.

Good on you for being patient too! Alot of men expect so much from their female partners when themselves just aren't willing to do the same.

When she says it's getting too intense, slow down the strokes, whether it's your hand/fingers or tounge and move the stimulation off the clit directly so like circle around it. And then move over it again. Interchange this for a while then change it up again and do something else completely like sucking. Spit on it alot too, and basically make sure she knows you love doing anything down there.