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  • Firefly3
    Junior Member
    • Aug 2011
    • 7

    Communication

    About sex with my boyfriend. Why is it so hard for me to do it. We have been together a year now. It has never really been broughten up before. Before last night. I want to talk about itnwith him, but I seem a little shy about it. I'm the kind of person that has low self esteem. And he likes to remind me of it. I'm trying other things to boost my confidence. But anyways, I think I'm like that about talking about it, cus he sometimes picks at all my flaws and lays them on the table. So I guess I'm just nervous to say something "wrong". So if anyone has some tips on how to communicate with your partner better, I'm all ears...well all eyes, here.
  • Texinator
    Veteran Member
    • Sep 2009
    • 5556

    In order to be able to talk to your partner about sex, you first have to trust your partner and feel comfortable enough to speak with him candidly. But you don't have that with your boyfriend. He picks on you and hurts your self esteem, and then you worry about saying something or asking something that could result in him picking on you again. I understand it's tricky because the shyness brought on by low self esteem, but the first conversation you need to have with him actually is not about sex, and instead you need to let him know how his comments to you hurt your feelings.

    Comment

    • jns
      Assistant Admin
      • Mar 2010
      • 8398

      Originally posted by Firefly3
      About sex with my boyfriend. Why is it so hard for me to do it. We have been together a year now. It has never really been broughten up before. Before last night. I want to talk about itnwith him, but I seem a little shy about it. I'm the kind of person that has low self esteem. And he likes to remind me of it. I'm trying other things to boost my confidence. But anyways, I think I'm like that about talking about it, cus he sometimes picks at all my flaws and lays them on the table. So I guess I'm just nervous to say something "wrong". So if anyone has some tips on how to communicate with your partner better, I'm all ears...well all eyes, here.
      I would get rid of this bf and get another. I am dead serious about this. For him to remind you of your low self esteem is bullying. He should have done anything in his power to build up your self esteem if he wanted an equal partnership. He has shown his true colors. I wouldn't give him a second chance on this. I see it as a major character flaw. He doesn't deserve you.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

      Comment

      • rcoreyus
        Veteran Member
        • Sep 2007
        • 4369

        Someone who loves you will never pick at your flaws. If you tell them your most secret desires, they will do everything to fulfill them, or at worst, apologize for not being able to.

        Comment

        • maverick
          Senior Member
          • Dec 2009
          • 130

          What jns & rcoreyus said. Unless you want to make a bad choice, do not have sex with this person. If he treats you this way he neither respects you nor loves you. You can do better.

          Comment

          • Guest

            Firefly3,

            I'd communicate adios to him.


            Take care,

            Taos

            Comment

            • Guest

              Tell him you would like to sit down and talk to him about some issues without him picking on your faults. Who in this world hasn't got faults??? If he is so insensitive that he doesn't understand this, then maybe he's the wrong guy for you. x

              Comment

              • CHANDLERS WISH
                • Mar 2008
                • 22440

                Playing on someones low self esteme? Does he not realise the more he puts you down the worse it is, the less intimacy he gets, he does not respect you and you don't know and love yourself enough and it's time that you did, he is not worth it.
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment

                • ---Beany---
                  Junior Member
                  • Aug 2011
                  • 7

                  From what you said, he doesn't sound like a keeper at all. I'd banish him if I were you. Find someone who makes you come to life

                  Comment

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