[ItsASecret]

But women are taught early on that having sex makes you a sloot, liking sex makes you a nympho sloot,

Man: "I like sex"
Society: "Right on!"

Woman: "I like sex!"
Society: "Tramp! Skank!"
Woman: "Uh... ok, so I don't like sex?"

Actually in current terms if you picked up someone on the street and asked what they think of as a "sloot" it would more along the lines of the girls who open their legs at hello, have no regard for their own health due to disease or passing anything along, will still find a way to make a guy cheat on his gf with her, who dress scantly for the purpose of gaining guy's attention so that she can sleep with many many many men (not the ones that dress up for their SO, just random bar flings who are looking for a risky night type deal), the ones that will have an abortion time and time again simply because it would impede on their avid nightclub sex romp life. Things now are much different rather than the way purity was once taught. Now it is all about if you hear about a girl spreading for any guy she meets simply because she wants the attention and so forth...that is now a "sloot". That "sloot" term is now more attached to the raunchy, risky, and inappropriate public sexual behavior. Not a woman who simply likes to have sex with her SO or whomever, frequent or not, that is a woman who simply likes to have sex. It is oftentimes how that sex is attained, like risky behavior, that will have the attached stigma.

[Texinator]

I think some men want a woman to be sexual, but on THEIR terms

A blow-up doll with a heart beat

[Texinator]

Not a woman who simply likes to have sex with her SO or whomever, that is a woman who simply likes to have sex.

It also depends on the local culture, though. In many areas that are socially conservative, even a woman who simply likes sex can still be written off as a tramp/skank/. It's great that fewer and fewer places are like that now, but women still have much of a double standard to fight.

[ItsASecret]

It also depends on the local culture, though. In many areas that are socially conservative, even a woman who simply likes sex can still be written off as a tramp/skank/. It's great that fewer and fewer places are like that now, but women still have much of a double standard to fight.

Yeah it is unfortunate that this is true a lot of cultures, that black cloud hanging over sexual behavior in general.

[jns]

As for the subject at hand, I think many men assume women have low sex drives because women don't enjoy it as much as they could. I had a low sex drive until I discovered it could be really good. Some men just don't make it fun enough for their partners so why would they be begging for more and appearing to have a sex drive. Average selfish male lovers breed low sex drives in women in my opinion.

True, so true. Too many guys are very selfish. Unfortunately the selfish characteristic seems to attract women, that is until they see how it really is. That lets selfish guys damage more than their percentage in girls. By the time the girl gets to an unselfish guy, she may be so damaged that she cannot have a normal relationship.

So yeah, would guys be crazy about jumping in the sack everytime his chick snapped her fingers if he knew that he was going only be allowed to ejaculate maybe 1 out of 10 times, if that? Probably not.

Add to this the fact that a 10 to 1 ratio would be good for a girl having orgasms to a guy having orgasms based on ability and you can see that the mismatch is great indeed (yes I understand many women cannot have multiple orgasms, but for those that can ...: at least a 1 to 1 ratio at a minimum).

[rcoreyus]

Its easy for this to become a men vs women: who causes the problem argument, but I think it depends completely on the particular people. Some men are selfish in bed, some are considerate lovers. Exactly the same for women. Some men always orgasm during sex, others have partners who don't always give them the opportunity. Same for women.

My thinking is that in a relationship (note that this is completely gender neutral), each partner should make a real effort to please the other in bed whenever they want it. If you don't especially feel like sex at the moment, then do something quick and nice for your partner - say oral. If you really don't want sex , then its OK for your partner to please themselves with whatever combination of fantasies, sex toys and porn they happen to prefer. All those are fine as long as they are not used when a willing partner is available.

I think it is not fair to object to your partner masturbating at a time when you are not willing to please them. I also don't think its fair to masturbate when you are denying your partner sex.

[Elanor-Jane]

My thinking is that in a relationship (note that this is completely gender neutral), each partner should make a real effort to please the other in bed whenever they want it. If you don't especially feel like sex at the moment, then do something quick and nice for your partner - say oral. If you really don't want sex , then its OK for your partner to please themselves with whatever combination of fantasies, sex toys and porn they happen to prefer.

It's very easy to put forward this scenario but at the end of the day most people know which one is which. As much as I love my bf and feel as though he's letting me be as sexual as I want and our sex life is mainly on my terms, I'm still the one that offers to fix him up if he's tired and in the opposite scenario if I was too tired for sex but in my case kicking myself that I hadn't gotten to bed earlier the night bfr, we'd just go to sleep, no handjob for me! And this is the most accommodating hardworking sexual partner I've ever had. So I think the point that's trying to be made is why do women have it in their heads that we have to look after our mens needs but it's ok if ours fall behind a bit. It's deep seeded and it's taking alot of women alot of hard work to break free from these sexual stereotypes that still plague us in our own minds.
As far as masturbation I don't think anyone has the right to tell a man or a woman when they should or shouldnt masturbate and to what. I don't care if my bf has a "favorites reel" that may or may not have me on it. I don't always think of him when I masturbate, I usually think of something or watch something that's going to give me a quick fix, not a longwinded sensual experience, that's what sex with my partner is for!

[stressed]

With a sexually matched partner masturbation/porn doesn't even become a discussion topic with a partner, let alone an issue. That's the key and there's hardly any other general rule about it. It's all about a good sexual match. If it isn't there then anything can be a reason to blame, porn, masturbation, tiredness, the difference in hormones and genitals and so on.

Men who generalize about not getting enough sex because "men want it more than women" are usually men whose partners constantly neglect their needs and they think it's because "women don't like sex".

Women who generalize about men "wanting sex all the time" and "men are like dogs who'd sleep with anything given the chance" are usually women who don't enjoy sex as much, or they haven't had a partner who's made sex pleasurable for them.

That's my view.

[rcoreyus]

I'm sorry you've had partners who were less attentive to your needs than you were to theirs. This really isn't true of all men, nor are all women willing to go out of their way to please their partners,

It's very easy to put forward this scenario but at the end of the day most people know which one is which. As much as I love my bf and feel as though he's letting me be as sexual as I want and our sex life is mainly on my terms, I'm still the one that offers to fix him up if he's tired and in the opposite scenario if I was too tired for sex but in my case kicking myself that I hadn't gotten to bed earlier the night bfr, we'd just go to sleep, no handjob for me! And this is the most accommodating hardworking sexual partner I've ever had. So I think the point that's trying to be made is why do women have it in their heads that we have to look after our mens needs but it's ok if ours fall behind a bit. It's deep seeded and it's taking alot of women alot of hard work to break free from these sexual stereotypes that still plague us in our own minds.
As far as masturbation I don't think anyone has the right to tell a man or a woman when they should or shouldnt masturbate and to what. I don't care if my bf has a "favorites reel" that may or may not have me on it. I don't always think of him when I masturbate, I usually think of something or watch something that's going to give me a quick fix, not a longwinded sensual experience, that's what sex with my partner is for!

[kygirl]

Well this is all over the place, but thought I'd add my two cents

I have no issues with masturbation. I do think to some extent it can be healthy, and honestly if it's between his hand and some other woman, then by all means, relieve yourself when the need arises. My *only* issues with taking care of yourself, so to speak, is when it starts affecting the relationship. If you are doing that instead of having sex with me, when I am being open and obviously want to have sex, then there is an issue.

I'm a firm believer that you can wake me up, you can pause a movie, you can do whatever you need to. Sex is an important part of a relationship. Not the only part, but I do think most people need that intimacy and connection with their partner. If it starts to get where someone is relieving themselves rather than having that time with the person that they care about, then there is an issue.

I do know lots of women who may not have sex as a high priority, but I don't think that applies to everyone. I do think, however, that women are much more emotional creatures and it is much harder for us to separate our feelings from the act of sex. It's not just the sex, it's the argument we had earlier, or the fact that you were nice and did the dishes, whatever the case may be. I would say that often that feeling disconnected has a lot more to do with the not wanting to have sex than just not wanting it.