[Bluehat]

Hi,

So there are probably similar threads but I wanted to see what you ladies thoughts were on my situation.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. She's an engineering grad student, I'm a psychology grad student. We both cycle, me competitively and run marathons. She's a Sunday school teacher and we go to church every Sunday. Yada yada, we still mess around and neither feel guilty.

At the start we had crazy kitchen table sex but it was only a few times a week then it's been once a week for about 6 months, further dwindling to once every 2 weeks. She has orgasms and enjoys it but also feels I want more. I tell her it doesn't matter since it's not what's most important to me and the quality is amazing. However it is tough to only mess around once every few weeks. It's literally been like 4 times this summer. I gave my ex of 3 years 6-7 orgasms every time we messed around, not being concieted but I know my way around. Her ex pressured her for sex and it was terrible with him according to her. They lived in separate towns so they only messed around once every weekend but she hated it pretty much. Now we're about to be in separate cities only seeing eachother on weekends and I'm not sure what to do...as I would never pressure her and don't know whether this is a basis for ending the relationship. In which case I would not tell her something is wrong with her as it isn't but that we aren't a physical match as I do the job myself probably 3 times a week unbeknown to her. I don't know whether the last ruined her sex drive, whether she has some repressed feelings of guilt from her religious beliefs and whether that would change down the road or if I would want to take that chance in marriage, or whether she just has a low sex drive and there's nothing I can do to change it...

[Bluehat]

I think another valid point is that I'm kind of the classic overly nice guy...probably too nice and I wonder if it's a turn off for her. I made her a dozen roses out of foam and wire for valentines and have done stuff like this pretty often for her...I like doing little art projects. I also pay for most meals for us. Although her last boyfriend was super rich through family money and basically flew her whereever some weekends on a whim. She ended it because e was an atheist and douche bag. I do pretty well for myself though an will do much better once I finish my phd in a year.

[jns]

Maybe the kitchen table isn't the place to expand the sex life (I think you are using "crazy kitchen table sex" as an idiom for wild sex). It sound like the two of you are not communicating effectively. You need to ask her what she wants for sex. Maybe she is not a wild sex type of girl, but would love slow sensual sex every time she could get it. She may also want you to lead more. Don't over analyze her, just communicate with her and find out what she likes, then go with it.

[rcoreyus]

I hope things will improve for you, but if they don't, then you need to get out of this relationship. This sounds familiar to me - from more than 25 years ago. Sex in our relationship got gradually less and less frequent - so gradually that I could never bring myself to end it (the frog in a pot problem). Its gone from once a week, to, well its been 4 months now..... For your sake, don't fall in love with someone where you are not sexually compatible.