[flourie]

hi,
so here it is, when im touching myself, i recently found myself fantasizing about ugly men i know. well, in my definition, not even guys im unattracted to ... but who i consider not good looking at all. but once im done, the thought of sex with them makes me shudder. in my fantasies i dont let them touch me, but may move to quick sex later, kissing is a no no...no intimacy at all for me. usually i just like the thought of them watching, but if the heat turns on, maybe more. i dont know what to make of this, when i think of good looking guys, the thought of that is just not that hot... im not sure if this is healthy or not, if it isnt, the last thing i want to do is encourage myself in further indulgence. help please? ps- this is all in my head.

[kristalyn_04]

You say they are men you know... do you like them as people? Their personalities, character, demeanor? You'd be surprised how these things can change your perspective on someone being "ugly" or not, and therefore your attraction to them. Heck, I'd take an average or even not-so-good-looking guy with a great personality over a looker with a bad character any day. So no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the fantasies you've been having. In my eyes, the only "ugly" men are the ones with a bad character & personality, who I wouldn't even give the time of day to... no matter what they look like on the outside.

[stressed]

I think it's some sort of "having the power" fantasy. Like, maybe you feel they don't have sex because they're ugly so they crave for you, but you don't let them touch you, or something along those lines. It's a fantasy so I don't think it's unhealthy. Maybe you avoid fantasizing about men you find attractive because you're subconsciously worried they'll turn you down?

[oxy-moron]

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger have his private affairs with unattractive women?
Because he wanted to be the desired/desirable one in the affair?
Is this about you wanting control? Is it about you being dominant in the looks department over them? Do you want to be idolised sexually by men but dont beleive within yourself that attractive men would want you?

At the end of the day its about what floats your boat- Its not harmful- you go for it.
Dont walk away from a fantasy that gets you there.

[flourie]

umm... now that i think of it, yes, it may be the power thing. i think im insecure about myself somewhere and think good looking men wont desire me...its strange how insecurities manifest in different ways .thankyou all for the insight. very greatful