[kellymay]

I'm new here to Women's Health. I really do appreciate that there really is someone else out their going through what I'm am going through. I never want to discuss any of this with my friends. I'm smart enough to know that many marriages are falling apart because of stress with the economy. Many husbands who were known to be the bread winner (hero) have now lost their jobs. Many wives are now the only ones in the household working and becuase of this sudden lack of income, bills are not getting paid the way they use to. People are losing their homes because two incomes have gone down to one income which is barely enough to get by. That's my case. My husband is a very hard worker and I remind him constantly that he is. I tell him that he would give us the world if he could. But he still beats himself up inside because he has to watch me leave for work each morning. When I return, I'm tired. But, that's not my only reason for not feeling the desire to make love with my husband. It now suddenly seems gross. I keep myself well shaven. I hate to say it but, I now notice his pubic hair in the bed and towels. I hate to feel the wetness from him on my skin. It brings me to tears as though I've been raped. I can no longer stand the very act of it. I don't like feeling this way. I just don't understand why the very thing that seem to make couples excited and turned on, I completely despise. But, my love for him won't go away.

[junglefever]

The only thing I can tell you or advise you is to see a therapist.If you used to love sex..and now it repulses you or you despise it and you dont have any idea really why then its something deeper..that might even be obvious though to a trained professional..

I've been through that myself but "knew' what it was(at first and then it got more omplicated) ..my husband is a sex hog as I call it and her litteraly drove me away overwhelming me with sexual hounding and sexual remarks grabbing and groping me til I began to despise the very idea of sex(he was suffocating me by "womanizing " me in my own home.)..another time after this wasnt even resolved I would even get nauseated (feel like vomiting) from sex when I was nursing our last child..and in general we have had some pretty tough relationship issues that completley interfered with my desire for him..But thats ME..I had to figure out why...

Whatever it is ..is unique to YOU ..and ya'lls relationship issues..I engourage you to seek counseling..but I just wanted you to know you arent a freak ..this happens..

[Sandyvic]

Kelly, so your husband isn't working right now, correct? It sounds like you're angry with him because he's not working. If you're feeling repulsed by your husband, I would definitely seek professional help. Times are tough right now, and it may stay this way for a while. If you still feel love, seek professional help.

I sort of went through this when my husband decided to quit working so he could attend school full time. I wasn't repulsed by him, but I harbored anger towards him because I worked full time while I was going to school, and I thought that he should have done the same.

[jns]

kelly, the reversal of roles of the main breadwinner upsets both the husband and the wife. I suspect that if he got a good job again so you didn't stress out and could spend your earnings as you saw fit, you would end up happier and probably not repulsed. Have you talked with him about his pubic hairs? He may not know that you are now upset about them.

I think your love is vulnerable to you meeting a self assured man who has a good job and earns a lot of money.

[kellymay]

I know for a fact that I'm not angry with him. I do everything to nurture him and tell him that he is still my hero regardless of what we're going through. Sometimes, I find myself just looking at him and being a bit turned on. He is a very handsome man. But that feelin just disappears quickly. I'm sure we both really do need to see a therapist. I allow him to control how I feel. If he is in a depressed state of mind or feels and speaks negative, even speaking to or answering me sharply, then whatever intimacy with him I even thought about attempting just goes away because he's no longer the same man. He suddenly some angry person that I don't want to be around. I already know the strain we are under and how we are suffering financially. I've been the counselor, nurse after his surgeries. But I enjoyed being able to take care of the man that I love and be by his side whenever he's down so it never bothered me. If I could get two jobs to support the both of us so we can live comfortably I would. I've been the strong person for so long until I think I'm just tired now. I think I'm the one that needs the nurturing now and that's causing a big problem in the bedroom. Because there's no body there for me emotionally.

[jns]

kelly, have you two started therapy? Many men have trouble taking on the role of emotional support because they have never done it and may have never been around a male role model. Maybe the therapy will help on that.