[amy.lynn]

I am 18 years old (turning 19 in 3 months). I have never had sex before but am sexually active (had oral sex, dry sex, etc.) I started seeing this guy that for about a month and a half, and we have done basically everything but sex. We are really close but aren't officially dating. I want to have sex with him but am worried that if I do I will become too attached with him, and if along the road our relationship went sour I might get distracted from my school work (I'm in a pre-med program). He isn't pressuring me to have sex, although I know he wants to do it with me. I feel so horny and really want to start having sex but am scared of regretting it one day. I really hate having regrets but also really want to have sex. I'm not ready for a stable relationship because I don't have a lot of time, I'm really busy.. but I think that this guy treats me right and I may not have another chance to lose it with a guy that I care about as much as he does. should I have sex or no? I'm so confused ! I think I'm partially extra horny because the doctor told me that I have higher than normal testosterone levels .. I am open to any advice I just need help, I can't talk to my family about this cuz they are super strict about things like this.

[ziggymoonshine]

If you think you will regret it, don't do it.

When the right moment/guy comes along you will not have any question.

A lot of women end up hurt in situations like these. Learn from them and do not do it. Wait until you are 100% ready and make sure to use contraceptives! Just wait until you are in a steady loving and committed relationship before you have sex, and then you won't regret it even if you end up breaking up because at least you knew that you loved one another.

If you are horny, masterbate.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Amy, welcome to the Forum

You know, when in doubt don't there is always a reason why our "intuition kicks in".. You already know that you are 'horny' as your explaination coupled by, "but he's not pressuring me, he's a nice guy" ... Some are smart you know, they know how to pretend but more so? Even if he's a nice guy, they wait if they fall for someone.. Don't you want to know he loves you? Really loves you? It sounds as if though you are just ready to give it away, ready to have sex, he's a nice guy why not.

Well there is nothing wrong with that either if your first to you, doesn't have to be with someone that loves you... go for it.

Just be clear on what you think your first experience should be... Just sex, or with love .

[DreamP346]

My views differ a lot about sex and love compared to other people. They don't have to go together and just because its your first time, doesn't mean you have to be in love. If anything, being in love will probably make you more irrational. You may not fall in love until you are 30. I didn't fall in love until I met my husband and was dating him for a year. I was close to 30 by then. I had had lots of sexual experience before that and had lots of fun that I don't regret at all. Infact, if I had waiting for my husband, I would never have had any of those experiences and probably would have made my marriage difficult.

Thats not to say I sometimes don't wish my first time had been with somebody I loved. I usually get that feeling when I read romance novels. But I do not regret it at all.

My advise is have sex when you are ready, when you feel you are ready to handle any and all emotional baggage that comes with it, when you have all the contraceptive knowledge, when you are comfortable with your own body and you know you don't have any allusions about the relationship you are in and most of all, when you want to. Its not about being in love.

Ask yourself this question. Do you value your viginity or do you see it as a social construct. To me, I saw it as a social construct that was judged differently for women versus men. I didn't think it was precious and I will never think in terms of "giving it" to somebody. Starting to have sex was a choice, not a state (I don't think in terms to being a virgin or not being one). I did the same stuff you did and having intercourse was not different because I was already sexually active. It was just doing another form of sex. But if you cherish your virginity and feel it is something special to be given to somebody (and majority of people do feel this way), don't have sex just because you are horny.