[fastaruk]

You wrote my story almost exactly

You wrote my story. Almost identical in every way. Except: My wife has started to tell me she's not interested. Then she (similar to you) gets annoyed because I haven't yet gone to sleep. Then she masturbates with an extremely quite vibrator. She has a fan I build her from an old PC power supply that creates noise she uses to sleep by. So it's really hard to distinguish the vibrator on the lowest setting and she thinks I can't hear it. She has orgasm after orgasm, all night long. I only noticed this a couple of weeks ago, but I suspect it has gone on longer.

At first, it turned me on immensely. And I would touch her and she'd jump up saying something like "HUH?". I'd be convinced she's asleep. I pretended to be asleep for a few hours this morning and she masturbated maybe 60 times. Some of the times she could keep the volume down but sometimes she would moan, make high-pitched noises, etc.

We had a huge fight this morning when I confronted her. I had dozed off for a couple of minutes (and I had also asked her about it a few hours before so I believe she suspected I was watching her). She got extremely defensive and looked at me with an anger and hatred I've never seen before.

She's 10 years older than me. So we're 48 and 58. I'm a relatively good-looking guy, and can't understand why she's not interested or how to get her to come clean.

Thanks

[Cmonster]

I hope you have resolved this already considering you posted so long ago, but I just wanted to add my two cents in case anyone ever comes here for advice... I'm a woman. I have a husband of eight years. We have a decent sex life, when we have sex it's great we just don't have it that often bc we are still trying to kick our three year old out of our bed and we are busy and tired etc. well I'm pregnant again and during pregnancy my hormones go cr***zzy. I have sex on the brain literally all of the time. During these times and occasionally when I'm not pregnant I prefer masturbation over sex. My husband satisfied me sexually and I'm pretty happy in that department but when you're in control it's just better. It is a different experience than sex with a partner. Sometimes women, just like men, need to just release without all the hubbub of love making. I however need visual simulation so I watch classy erotic porn to stimulate me. Your wife is lucky she doesn't need that and can just be alone and feel good with her body. All that being said it is still a very private thing. My husband knows I do it and has even bought me toys probably in hopes of using them with me but whenever he asks me about it I get all weird feeling, it's like my thing and I don't want to discuss it. This may be for several reasons. Maybe your wife is trying to keep it a sacred experience or maybe she is protecting you from feelings that you can't provide for her sexually, whatever the case leave her be. It's not bad to have your own private rituals as long as you are not hurting each other. And in fact it sounds like you have a decent sex life so maybe this helps keep her in the mood to provide for your needs. Happy love making!

[Truckstar]

It seems that more and more threads are surfacing of abnormal sexual behaviours emerging during sleep or alleged sleep. While we may think this type of behaviour is funny, in reality it can be disturbing, annoying, embarrassing and a potentially serious problem for the individuals and couples going through it. Despite their awareness of what is going on, many sufferers often delay seeking help or even admitting that it is happening at all, either because they don't know that it's a medical disorder or for fear that others will instead judge it as wilful behaviour.

Studies have found that both men and women reported experiencing an orgasm in about four percent of their sexual dreams. Orgasms were described as being experienced by another dream character in four percent of the women's sexual dreams, but in none of the male dream reports. Sexual intercourse or indeed masturbation was the most common type of sexual dream content, followed by sexual propositions, kissing, fantasies and mutual masturbation. Regardless of how unusual or violent the behaviour, patients had no memory of the events the next morning but often only the secretions of their own masturbatory effects which to be fair then can become an embarrassment that we learn to live with.

It only becomes more embarrassing when we/they are found doing it and have no recollection.

[astoriaJ]

Silent masturbation is like cold fusion. If you think you've achieved it, your probably doing something wrong. Just an FYI

[Sad-dad]

I'm guessing you two have children?

Yes, we have a couple of kids... Do you have a similar situation?

[Hugo-B]

JON, just ask her to wake you up next time so you can masturbate over her masturbating, that really isn't too much to ask.

[Hugo-B]

How are things progressing now? I read through all of this as my situation is similar in a way... However different in others. I'm in my late 20's and have been married for 2 years. My wife and I only have sex about twice a month. I do know however that she masturbates sometimes when I'm not home. She has told me a couple of times, and other times are just educated guesses based on her behaviour. She says she doesnt have any sex drive anymore and basically only has sex with me because she feels guilty if she doesn't.
All of this has really affected my sense of self-worth. I feel completely rejected. If I was much older I would sort of expect our sex life to be so depressing, but we are only in our late 20's. In saying that, I don't expect the world. I think 2-4 times a week would be great!
Any advice is appreciated.

I'm guessing you two have children?

[JonDoe]

I noticed my wife masturbating in bed next to me the other night when she thought I was asleep. While it was after midnight and thus fully dark, it was not pitch black because we have a small amount of ambient light from outside lighting through the curtains and blinds, and fortunately for me she sleeps closet to the window so I was able to make out her silhouette. As a result, I could see her playing with her nipples, but it was too dark to see any flesh. She was covered in sheets, comforter and blanket so I could not see the rest of the activity, but I could see the faint movement under the covers when she moved her hand and hips. She runs a fan in the room as white noise, so I couldn't hear any heavy breathing or moaning, besides my heart was beating like a big bass drum.

Naturally, I wanted to join in, but laid still and let her finish and go to sleep. I debated whether to ask her about it in the morning since I had never been aware of this in the past. However, a few hours later I noticed her masturbating again. When she was done, I asked her if she enjoyed it. She initially tried to play coy with me, but admitted she had masturbated and claimed it was the first time she has done it while I was in the same bed, at the same time saying it helps her to go to sleep. However, she denied doing it twice in the same night. I also noticed recently that she goes to bed a few nights a week without underwear, which is something she has never done in all the years we have been married. Ironically, I first noticed this a few nights after I had walked in suspecting she was masturbating and reached under the covers to find her naked. I believe she has started occasionally wearing loose bottoms with no underwear for easy and quiet access, just in case I walked in she would still be wearing clothes, thus could deny masturbating. I'm definitely joining in next time!! However, I suspect she will just go to the guest room like she did last night.

[Sad-dad]

How are things progressing now? I read through all of this as my situation is similar in a way... However different in others. I'm in my late 20's and have been married for 2 years. My wife and I only have sex about twice a month. I do know however that she masturbates sometimes when I'm not home. She has told me a couple of times, and other times are just educated guesses based on her behaviour. She says she doesnt have any sex drive anymore and basically only has sex with me because she feels guilty if she doesn't.
All of this has really affected my sense of self-worth. I feel completely rejected. If I was much older I would sort of expect our sex life to be so depressing, but we are only in our late 20's. In saying that, I don't expect the world. I think 2-4 times a week would be great!
Any advice is appreciated.

[Melephant]

I would say your wife is masturbating, you don't come across as stupid so i'm sure you know what you're hearing (also, masturbating while lying on your front is very easy, i've done it if there's someone else in the room and i don't want them to know). I do have to be careful here as of course i do not know you or your wife and i could be completely wrong..

Most men seem to love the idea of women masturbating, i've been with a couple of men who have turned into animals when the subject comes up. Before my last relationship, the idea of masturbating for a man mortified me. But my confidence grew and one night while he was just drifting off, i cuddled upto him so he could feel my movements as i masturbated. One time while he was at work i made a very graphic video of myself for him to watch when he returned the next morning. Oh my God, will i bear that in mind for future relationships!!

Anyway, your description of your wife reminds me of myself -or my former self. I have no religious upbringing or anything, but i was very self conscious and always focused (and mostly still do) on pleasing my man ahead of myself. I guess i'm saying she may just be embarrassed..

Have you told her how her masturbating would turn you on? Have you talked about your fantasies together properly, or even told her during sex? This may be something you have to keep trying to get through to her (but not being pushy of course...maybe joke about it or, if she's ok with it, watch some porn involving female masturbation) if you want her to do it that bad. If not, either keep it as a fantasy and accept she will just never openly do it, or admit to doing it, or just get over it and buy some earplugs...

But i think you definitely need to just be straight with her.
All the best

PS, Have you ever just put your hand in between her legs while you'rehearing these noises? She may be doing it so you just dive on her. Sometimes, no matter how bad a woman wants something from a man, she will never tell him cos it kinda takes all the surprise and meaning out of it. Just a thought.