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Is my wife masturbating when she thinks I'm asleep?

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  • MrMr
    replied
    My partner does it all the time. I don't ever say anything. It's hot and she feels comfortable to do it. I've done it once but it was too messy haha

    Leave a comment:


  • Podlian
    replied
    Your story could have been written by me, except that my wife and I are much older. I have noticed nocturnal activity exactly as you describe only fairly recently We were brought up at a time when the message drummed into every youngster from all directions was that nice girls do not want or need sex. It was supposed to be a service they provided reluctantly only when the partner had demonstrated the right level of commitment and fidelity.

    As a result of this early conditioning, my wife is still extremely uncomfortable if the subject of sex is raised in a conversation, even just with me. It has taken decades to persuade her to try anything new, even though she almost invariably enjoys the novelty when she does.

    There is no doubt that my wife spends a significant part of each night playing with herself equally no doubt that she is asleep when doing so. As others have observed with their partners, my wife reaches some form of climax two or three times a night but these are nothing like as intense as her conscious orgasms.

    Like many contributors, I also have the distinct feeling that there are three people in the bedroom, me, my wife and the person she becomes when asleep. I have tried to introduce my wife to that sleeping person by putting a camera where it can constantly view her. That hasn't been very successful. Although asleep, that third person is still aware of her environment and determined to maintain her privacy. She will always ensure that a duvet covers her when she is "busy" and activity will pause if she becomes aware that I am taking an interest.

    At first my wife refused to accept even the possibility that she might be doing such a thing and even after seeing video showing some fairly clear [but not conclusive] evidence of her nocturnal activity, she was still 90% certain that I was mistaken. Only after coming across this forum & reading so many accounts that matched mine did she start to believe that I might be correct.

    The one feature that is common to all these accounts and may be the cause of the behaviour is that all the women involved seem to have deeply ingrained beliefs about the level of sexual need that is acceptable for a woman, as a result of the propaganda that they were subjected to as children. It may be that there is a serious mis-match between the level they are able to accept consciously and their true [much higher] level of actual need. The only way they can cope with this is to satisfy the "excess" demands of their bodies while asleep.

    Leave a comment:


  • WaveRider
    replied
    Originally posted by cathygirl View Post
    This whole idea of being "caught" is a strange concept to me. It implies shame. It implies doing something naughty that shouldn't be done. Now, there are things some people would prefer to keep to themselves. Relieving one's self in the restroom is a rather private matter, for example, and not one I'd particularly care to discuss with my husband. I would not consider my reluctance to discuss something private with him as not being honest. Does a person have to tell their mate every single thing on demand? That's patently unreasonable. If I want to relieve my sexual tension in private, there is nobody on earth that has a right to demand that I discuss it with them if I don't want to. Personally, I'd probably want to, but not if it was demanded as if an explanation was some sort of right another person had to my privacy.

    Frankly, I don't see that it matters whether someone is "sleep masturbating" or whacking their muffin with reckless abandon in the middle of the afternoon. Whether they want to share that with someone else, even a spouse, is their own business. It is not something a person is required to explain to anyone.
    I agree with you far beyond 100%. Getting caught does imply doing something improper or shameful.

    My ex-g/f was so darn comfortable with me that she'd masturbate in front of me. I didn't care. In fact, I've always encouraged her. But then again, she has never neglected me in favor of using her sex toys. She was too embarrassed to buy sex toys, so she'd ask me to buy them for her.

    Many years ago I helped a woman friend move. I opened a drawer to dump stuff out of it & her vibrator fell onto her bed. She was upset with me because I saw her vibrator. Did she really believe that I thought she was the only woman to use one? My guess is at least 80% of women have one. Big feaking deal. Who cares?

    Leave a comment:


  • cathygirl
    replied
    This whole idea of being "caught" is a strange concept to me. It implies shame. It implies doing something naughty that shouldn't be done. Now, there are things some people would prefer to keep to themselves. Relieving one's self in the restroom is a rather private matter, for example, and not one I'd particularly care to discuss with my husband. I would not consider my reluctance to discuss something private with him as not being honest. Does a person have to tell their mate every single thing on demand? That's patently unreasonable. If I want to relieve my sexual tension in private, there is nobody on earth that has a right to demand that I discuss it with them if I don't want to. Personally, I'd probably want to, but not if it was demanded as if an explanation was some sort of right another person had to my privacy.

    Frankly, I don't see that it matters whether someone is "sleep masturbating" or whacking their muffin with reckless abandon in the middle of the afternoon. Whether they want to share that with someone else, even a spouse, is their own business. It is not something a person is required to explain to anyone.

    Leave a comment:


  • Texasred
    replied
    Yep, I'm sure it was the first time she caught me!

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by Texasred View Post
    I'm wondering now if it's because she caught me in the act?
    is that the first time she ever caught you?

    Leave a comment:


  • Texasred
    replied
    My wife's whole attitude toward sex seems to have changed at some time in maybe the last 8 months, and the reason has been a mystery to me, but I'm wondering now if it's because she caught me in the act? I was showering one morning when she walked in unexpectedly; I stopped immediately and she didn't say anything but I know she noticed my state. When I stepped out of the shower a couple minutes later (having given up!), she came back into the bathroom, walked up to me and fondled me lightly and said we could go back to bed "if there's something you need." She was just accommodating a need, and i don't think we were in bed more than 5 minutes, but I did tell her later how much I appreciated it!
    But my whole point is that we have been having much more frequent sex ever since about that time. Sometimes "good" emotionally satisfying sex, but sometimes just providing a service to one or the other of us.

    Leave a comment:


  • WaveRider
    replied
    Partlycouldy,

    Who cares if she masturbates while she thinks you're sleeping? I've never cared if women masturbated with me awake and aware of her activity of if I was sleeping. I've never discouraged women from masturbating. In fact, I've encouraged women to masturbate. Women know how to get themselves off. If they want to masturbate, I'm good.

    However, if she masturbates rather than doing you, that would be a problem. You gotta be prepared for truth. She might tell you that you don't know how to get her off. If that's the case, let her teach you. If she doesn't want to have sex with you for another reason, that could be a huge problem.

    I've bought sex toys for women. My last g/f told me right after we began dating that she had never used sex toys. I believed her because her ex-husband was clueless about sex. I bought her a small vibrator. From there, it grew to a sizable collection that includes anal plugs. She loves 'em. Sometimes I'll use them on her. Sometimes she'll use them on herself. Sometimes she'll sit in front of me giving me an unobstructed view of her working herself. However, her preferred method of orgasm is tongue music on her clit. She has MASSIVE orgasms with a vibrator working inside of her vajayjay, an anal plug in place, and my tongue playing rock & roll on her clit. But if she wants to do herself, I'm good. She has told me that she has wished that she had known about pleasure of sex toys long before I had introduced them to her.

    My ex is authentic bedroom porn star. I have video of her working herself with vibrators.

    Try surprising her with a vibrator. It might result in a lot of excitement.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sunflowers1970
    replied
    Wow im having same situation except mine might be alot worse..ive seen him and he denies it! Says he cant help what he dreams but how can anybody be dreaming when the person raises head as if looking to see if you still awame or not and the thing you said about facing your partner...oh boy i know that all too well!!!! As soon as he knows im awake he will turn over...matter of fact in that situation as we speak! Lime he just turned his head to me then turned it back but shaking his head cause im still awake....oh im messing up his plans....oh well and appartlly he doesnt understand or care how it makes me feel that he does this and lie right to my face about it!!#

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Welcome to WH! Please give us more details about your relationship related to why you think it would end due to unconscious masturbation.

    Leave a comment:

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