[74crss2]

Hi everyone,
I had to register here because i can´t get this any longer. I´ve what i regard as a problem, i´ll go straight to the point so you guys don´t have to read a lot:
i am 28 and when i masturbate myself i only get really horny by thinking about my boyfriend having sex with other girls, the picture of it on my mind gets me really excited and then i reach orgasm, otherwise if i try to masturbate without those thoughts i can´t reach climax, not even close.
With my bf i have very satisfactory relationships and everything is good, we love eachother and there are not other people interfering at all that could cause sloppy worries of any kind, everything is pretty normal between us and we are fine.
The problem is when try to satisfy myself alone, i´ve tried other ways and i can only get excited with these thoughts and caressing my clit, not penetrating with my fingers. I don´t know the reason, what can be related to this, what can explain this, whether it is some hidden insecurity in me ( but what??) or i am developing a masculine side(???) or what´s the problem... i am so frustrated i can´t get over it anymore.
i am tired of having to figure those pictures in my mind every time i want to reach climax... i don´t know what to do, what´s wrong with me?

if any of you have some clue about this it would be so much appreciated, i need help figuring this out.

[lizzardb63]

It might not be the fact of picturing him with another woman, but just picturing how he moves and how he penetrates from a different view. It's hard to picture yourself from an outside view so that's probably why a stranger steps in. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, and if it works that's great. I've watched porn before and it's not that I am picturing those other men, but it's more of a visual of an outside view of the act, if that makes sense.

[Claret]

Is it just one other girl, or is it a variety of different girls? Is it girls you know or strangers? I'd say that you are a "visual" person and require some type of visual stimulous to get you going. Some people would imagine another man or at least put a different face on their boyfriend. Others may visualize doing it on a sandy beach, in the water, in an aeroplane. Whatever turns you on. It doesn't have to mean anything other than that.

[74crss2]

Is it just one other girl, or is it a variety of different girls? Is it girls you know or strangers? I'd say that you are a "visual" person and require some type of visual stimulous to get you going. Some people would imagine another man or at least put a different face on their boyfriend. Others may visualize doing it on a sandy beach, in the water, in an aeroplane. Whatever turns you on. It doesn't have to mean anything other than that.

oh it is not another girl or somebody i know, i imagine always a bunch of girls, strangers, nobody specially and he having hard sex with them. I seem like a pervert just saying that... now i think you both could be right and maybe i am visual and get excited like that, like Lizzardb63 said how he moves and a different view of it but i wouldn´t see it as a problem if i could picture that with me too but i can excite only if he is with another! why it can´t be with me? is like some insecurity complex or is that jealousy turns me on? I don´t know, this is new for me i didn´t feel this way before with any other guy.


it bothers me because if i want to masturbate myself, no matter what or how i do it, i have to draw back to these thoughts again and again so i can "culminate", you know, it´s somehow troublesome. And definitely very much psychological...

[acerousme]

we all have sexual fantasies. They don't make us weird, or perverted. Its what floats out boat. When I masturbate, I think about the same thing. Its excites me. You're normal! There are people out there that think about....spankings, or being tied up, and gagged. Its natural. We are sexual beings

lol...the one time, I thought about cleaning my house nekkid...with the blinds open. BAM...I got off. Don't let it bother you. You are simply finding your kinky side. And you feel comfortable with him. Its a good thing!!

[rcoreyus]

Agree with Acerousme. Everyone has fantasies, and I think they are something where you should feel no embarrassment and no guilt whatever they are. You know they are fantasies and don't plan to act on them, so they are completely harmless. Just enjoy.

[74crss2]

Thanks to you all for answering, it´s been lovely and reassuring really. But still the thing that worried me it´s that i have to be stuck in that one and only one fantasy to get excited and seemingly i can´t be turned on by other kind of thought of situation, it´s weird because like you say most likely everybody gets a lot of different fantasies and a variety of thoughts to reach that point of excitation, however i don´t seem to have that much... something must be tied up in my mind anyway.

[oxy-moron]

Thanks to you all for answering, it´s been lovely and reassuring really. But still the thing that worried me it´s that i have to be stuck in that one and only one fantasy to get excited and seemingly i can´t be turned on by other kind of thought of situation, it´s weird because like you say most likely everybody gets a lot of different fantasies and a variety of thoughts to reach that point of excitation, however i don´t seem to have that much... something must be tied up in my mind anyway.

This is not an uncommon fantasy for Males
From Wikipedia- for what it is worth.
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a female cuckold is usually referred to as a cuckqueen[1] and is comparatively rare.

Theories in psychology

Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism[citation needed], the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated. In Freudian analysis, cuckold fetishism is the eroticization of the fears of infidelity and of failure in the male competition for procreation and the affection of females[citation needed]. In his book Masochism and the Self, psychologist Roy Baumeister advanced a Self Theory analysis that cuckolding (and other forms of sexual masochism) among otherwise mentally healthy people was a form of escapism. In this theory, cuckold fetishists are relieving themselves of the stress of the burden of their social role and escaping into a simpler, less-expansive position.

According to these theories, the cuckold fetishist seeks pleasure both from the act of being humiliated, and by giving pleasure to his partner(s). But cuckolding can be summed psychologically as "distributing sexual humiliation to the cuckold"[citation needed]. If a couple can keep the fantasy in the bedroom, or come to an agreement where actually being cuckolded in reality does not hurt the relationship, they may try it out in reality. However, the primary proponent of the fantasy is almost always the one being humiliated, or the "cuckold", and he usually convince his partner to participate in the fantasy for him. Indeed, the fetish fantasy does not work at all if the cuckold is actually being humiliated against his will[9].

Humiliation is "the feeling of being put down, made to feel less than one feels oneself to be."[10]. Psychologist Evelin Lindner calls humiliation "the nuclear bomb of the emotions.", claiming it is an order of magnitude more powerful than any other, causing everything from interpersonal conflicts to international terrorism"[11]. According to psychoanalysis, any feeling can become sexualized if it is somehow favorably associated with sex, especially in childhood. Because humiliation is such a powerful emotion, if an individual sexualizes it, he can in turn obtain intense sexual feelings.
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Dont read too much into it. If it floats your boat and nobody gets hurt then where is the harm.

[Whispa]

I agree, or maybe you feel insecure about yourself in somewhat you hadn't thought of, so you don't see you in your fantasies, maybe you don't turn you on, but he does. Do you look at yourself when you mastrubate and think of him?
I never see me in fantasies, I don't really like the way I look now. When I was much younger and fitter, I could have imagined me, but now, I kinda grose me out, I visualise beaches and men's bodies, and hardness, but I never see faces, and though I imagine how their lips feel on my skin, I couldn't open my eyes and see me, it's like a brick landing on me. I know I'm insecure and I don't like the way I look, which is why I suggested perhaps you're not totally comfortable with you in some way.