Preparing for my first time...questions!
Alrighty, this is going to be kind of long, so bear with me.
Here's my story: I'm a 23-year-old virgin, and I believe I've finally found him, or rather he found me. Mr. Right. He's sweet, kind, caring, understanding, patient...*ahem* you get my point. I think he's...you know, the one. We've not gone too far physically. He's made it abundantly clear that he'd like to have sex with me (don't worry, not through coercion, and I know he won't force me to do anything I don't want to do), but I've told him I'm not ready to go that far yet. I've gone as far as to give him handjobs, and I've let him get as far as kissing my inner thighs, but that's where I'm drawing the line for now. I'm insanely nervous about sexual things, and I've never even been naked around him (topless, but not bottomless; not even just panties). However...I'd like to be able to get past all that, and be able to be more open and intimate with my partner.
I think I should also maybe explain why I'm so nervous and closed off in the first place; might help you help me! So let's go back to the beginning...I discovered sex accidentally as a very young girl, like I assume most of us do. Just playing in the bathtub, and realized that running water on my private parts felt good. Simple enough. Actually experienced my first orgasm at the age of four. I did it a lot. Nearly daily. Of course, I really didn't know what it was. Everything was fine, until I got older, and the kids at school started talking about sex. Now let me tell you, my sexual education from my parents S.U.C.K.E.D. They told me NOTHING about these weird feelings I would start to get when I entered puberty, or that I'd start having vaginal secretions, or hormones, or that all of that was normal and healthy. And of course, masturbation was a taboo topic. So when I found out that what I thought was innocent bathtime fun was the dreaded "M word," and that those weird feelings were sexual arousal, I felt horrible and dirty and ashamed. I stopped masturbating, and I suppressed any and all sexual desires and urges from then on out.
That was around age 12. Of course, now I'm well aware of the total normality of human sexuality, and that masturbation is fine, but I've still until very recently suppressed my own sexual feelings. Even now I'm really iffy. But there's no doubt that being with him is starting to reawaken sexual desire in me, and I want to try to embrace it instead of running from it for once. I've finally plucked up the courage to take a hand mirror and have a good look around downtown, if you get me. It seems silly now that there are parts of my own body that I'd avoided ever looking at. I also masturbated for the first time in over a decade yesterday. I'm feeling pretty good about everything, honestly. A lot better than I thought I would. Much more open. A year ago, there's no WAY I'd be voicing any of this! Feels good to be getting so comfortable with myself.
So now come the issues I've discovered and the questions.
1. I only seem to be able to orgasm from the bathtub faucet trick. And I mean, it works well; guaranteed orgasm in a couple of minutes every time. But unless my lover morphs into a water faucet when we have sex, I don't know if I'll be able to get off. I've tried other things...stimulating my clitoris manually from outside the labia majora feels great, and gets me to a certain point, but then it's like I hit a wall...I can't get any further than that point, even trying different motions, different positions, you name it. And my inner lips and clitoris are far too sensitive for me to touch directly. Tried that, too. I haven't tried vaginal penetration, also because of the sensitivity issue and the resulting squeamishness of sticking anything in there. I've never even used tampons. But, most women say it doesn't do anything for them during masturbation anyway; it's all in the clit. So back to my main point here: I'm not in love with a bathtub. I want to be able to orgasm from manual or oral stimulation from a partner, and eventually from (or at least during) intercourse. I know my partner and I won't be getting to that point for some time yet, but I'd like to be...ya know, prepared. I want to know ahead of time what feels good and what doesn't, so I can communicate those things. And I don't want him to not be able to get me off, since that IS what he's aiming for. I don't want him to feel like he's disappointed me, and hey; I want an orgasm, dang it! But try as I might, only the faucet works. Have any of you guys had a problem like that? If so, were you ever able to eventually orgasm from just use of hands?
2. Generally speaking, I don't really much fancy sex for the sake of sex. To me, what makes any physical affection nice is the bond with your partner. I'm a serious relationship gal. Kissing someone I don't care for doesn't feel good to me, and I think in the same vein this may also be why I can't bring myself to orgasm if I'm just having sex with my hand. I mean, I love myself, sure...but I'm not IN love with myself. I tend to just get bored after a bit of trying to get myself off by hand. It starts out great, I get almost there...and then I hit that wall, try to get further, and after a while of failing I just resort to the faucet to finish it off, so to speak. I've tried fantasizing with no luck. And though I like me some good erotic literature once in a while, that doesn't really get me hot enough, either. Again, anyone who can relate? If so, was it different when your partner touched you or went down on you? Were you more turned on? Did you finally make it to O town? I look forward to us being able to experiment together, but I don't want to get my hopes up (or his).
3. Any other tips, wisdom, or advice you girls may want to share?
Here's my story: I'm a 23-year-old virgin, and I believe I've finally found him, or rather he found me. Mr. Right. He's sweet, kind, caring, understanding, patient...*ahem* you get my point. I think he's...you know, the one. We've not gone too far physically. He's made it abundantly clear that he'd like to have sex with me (don't worry, not through coercion, and I know he won't force me to do anything I don't want to do), but I've told him I'm not ready to go that far yet. I've gone as far as to give him handjobs, and I've let him get as far as kissing my inner thighs, but that's where I'm drawing the line for now. I'm insanely nervous about sexual things, and I've never even been naked around him (topless, but not bottomless; not even just panties). However...I'd like to be able to get past all that, and be able to be more open and intimate with my partner.
I think I should also maybe explain why I'm so nervous and closed off in the first place; might help you help me! So let's go back to the beginning...I discovered sex accidentally as a very young girl, like I assume most of us do. Just playing in the bathtub, and realized that running water on my private parts felt good. Simple enough. Actually experienced my first orgasm at the age of four. I did it a lot. Nearly daily. Of course, I really didn't know what it was. Everything was fine, until I got older, and the kids at school started talking about sex. Now let me tell you, my sexual education from my parents S.U.C.K.E.D. They told me NOTHING about these weird feelings I would start to get when I entered puberty, or that I'd start having vaginal secretions, or hormones, or that all of that was normal and healthy. And of course, masturbation was a taboo topic. So when I found out that what I thought was innocent bathtime fun was the dreaded "M word," and that those weird feelings were sexual arousal, I felt horrible and dirty and ashamed. I stopped masturbating, and I suppressed any and all sexual desires and urges from then on out.
That was around age 12. Of course, now I'm well aware of the total normality of human sexuality, and that masturbation is fine, but I've still until very recently suppressed my own sexual feelings. Even now I'm really iffy. But there's no doubt that being with him is starting to reawaken sexual desire in me, and I want to try to embrace it instead of running from it for once. I've finally plucked up the courage to take a hand mirror and have a good look around downtown, if you get me. It seems silly now that there are parts of my own body that I'd avoided ever looking at. I also masturbated for the first time in over a decade yesterday. I'm feeling pretty good about everything, honestly. A lot better than I thought I would. Much more open. A year ago, there's no WAY I'd be voicing any of this! Feels good to be getting so comfortable with myself.
So now come the issues I've discovered and the questions.1. I only seem to be able to orgasm from the bathtub faucet trick. And I mean, it works well; guaranteed orgasm in a couple of minutes every time. But unless my lover morphs into a water faucet when we have sex, I don't know if I'll be able to get off. I've tried other things...stimulating my clitoris manually from outside the labia majora feels great, and gets me to a certain point, but then it's like I hit a wall...I can't get any further than that point, even trying different motions, different positions, you name it. And my inner lips and clitoris are far too sensitive for me to touch directly. Tried that, too. I haven't tried vaginal penetration, also because of the sensitivity issue and the resulting squeamishness of sticking anything in there. I've never even used tampons. But, most women say it doesn't do anything for them during masturbation anyway; it's all in the clit. So back to my main point here: I'm not in love with a bathtub. I want to be able to orgasm from manual or oral stimulation from a partner, and eventually from (or at least during) intercourse. I know my partner and I won't be getting to that point for some time yet, but I'd like to be...ya know, prepared. I want to know ahead of time what feels good and what doesn't, so I can communicate those things. And I don't want him to not be able to get me off, since that IS what he's aiming for. I don't want him to feel like he's disappointed me, and hey; I want an orgasm, dang it! But try as I might, only the faucet works. Have any of you guys had a problem like that? If so, were you ever able to eventually orgasm from just use of hands?
2. Generally speaking, I don't really much fancy sex for the sake of sex. To me, what makes any physical affection nice is the bond with your partner. I'm a serious relationship gal. Kissing someone I don't care for doesn't feel good to me, and I think in the same vein this may also be why I can't bring myself to orgasm if I'm just having sex with my hand. I mean, I love myself, sure...but I'm not IN love with myself. I tend to just get bored after a bit of trying to get myself off by hand. It starts out great, I get almost there...and then I hit that wall, try to get further, and after a while of failing I just resort to the faucet to finish it off, so to speak. I've tried fantasizing with no luck. And though I like me some good erotic literature once in a while, that doesn't really get me hot enough, either. Again, anyone who can relate? If so, was it different when your partner touched you or went down on you? Were you more turned on? Did you finally make it to O town? I look forward to us being able to experiment together, but I don't want to get my hopes up (or his).
3. Any other tips, wisdom, or advice you girls may want to share?
He really is quite selfless when it comes to intimacy, and wants me to be happy in all aspects of our relationship. I honestly believe he's worthy of this honor when the time comes. And I feel now for the first time ever that I'll be able to take this step. Again, thanks so much!
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