[Whispa]

Im new here, and I really hope you guys have some advice for me.
I have some relation ship issues. To start off with I have ME, this makes me tired, and for 4 years I have 0 libido. I have a boyfriend, if you can still call him that. He has a stressful job, and I myself manage to work too.
I was taking the pill until about 5 months ago, when I ran out, thinking, well we're not having intercourse anyway, I didn't bother going to get more.
My periods are painful, and affect my ME as well. My mobility isn't good, and I just about manage work, and to cook dinner, that's pretty much it.
I used to be pretty highly sexed, then I started getting an aversion to people touching me. My boyfriend and I haven't been intimate for 4 years now, we been together about 6. Since I stopped taking the pill, my hormones seem to have changed and I am getting my sex drive back a bit. I don't mind my friends hugging me, or things anymore, and to be honest, I'd love my partner to touch me, but he wont.
The very last time we did do it, it hurt me a lot, and he was pretty upset, since then we haven't done anything.
We talked sometime ago, and I said he was being odd with me, he told me we seem more like friends. I was horrified. Whilst I felt that we were a little like this, I don't fancy my friends, and I certainly dont love the like him, or want to have sex with them.
I aske dim how the felt and he said that we would have to see if things changed over time. The problem is, he said that he still looked at me and thought mmm, but he's not showing that, and when I mention sex or touch his bum or be playful, it's met with 'why do you keep going on about it all the time' or don't be silly, or I'm busy.
I totally feel like I'm invisible. I tried dressing up a bit, he didn't notice. I went to the Ann summers shop to get some toys for myself, I was getting so worked up, I couldn't control it, I never even had an orgasm by myself till this week.
I still want him, I think, but I can't stand this. I'm scared to talk to him, I don't know what to say or how, and last time, it was so awkward. He lives with me and we have the 1 bedroom only, so there's no escape, and because of my mobility I can't just go out.
I don't want him to stay because he feels he has to, but I don't even know how to approach him now it's been so long, this is so foreign to me.
Part of me want to just run to another person, which I know is wrong, part of me wants him to instigate the conversation, but I really think he doesn't notice or it doesn't bother him.
We still get on well, and rarely argue, he doesn't notice things I do, (unless there's food involved), we watch films at home together and play computer games and we still talk about bills and money, etc, but now I feel like we're just living in the same house. I need intimacy, but I don't know how.
Please help me, this is driving me crazy for months now, and I know stress makes my ME worse, but this is hanging over me too. I really appreciate any advice. (sorry for the long essay)
Thanks

[techlettekween]

Honestly, he should appreciate the fact that you're trying, and you're trying HARD. (harder than I would anyway) I went through a series of serious relationships before I met my soulmate, and let me tell you, we are happy 24/7. Yes, we have our disagreements, but we don't argue or ever get really angry at each other (kind of like your situation). The not wanting to have sex thing is weird. My first assumption is that he is seeing someone else. Typically (from my experiences) guys will stop having sex with their girlfriend and start making up excuses because they're seeing someone else. I know you don't want to hear that, but it is a possibility. Especially considering the fact that he's trying to put the blame off on you nonchalantly. ("You're being silly." "Why do you insist on continuously doing this." ect.) Your man should WANT to have sex with you, and if he says he still looks at you like "mmm" then why doesn't he act upon it?? You have to ask youself that and look at all of the options. My second thought on this was that maybe he's gay? If you guys haven't had sex in a long time and he looks at you as more of a friend, it could be possible that he's gay, just throwing that out there. I've seen some pretty manly guys come out of the closet before, so nothing surprises me.
You shouldn't have to try so hard hun, you really shouldn't. If he doesn't want anything to do with you and blows you off like that, you don't need him. I can tell that you love him and definately care, but if a man really loves you he will be there for you, comfort you, help you in any way he can, and most definately have passionate sex with you. It doesn't sound to me like he is accomplishing any of these things. If it were me, personally, I would kick him to the curb. You have to stand up for yourself annd be independant. Don't let a guy drag you down EVER. If you do you are weak, and need to be stronger, not for him but for yourself. There are millions of guys out there looking for a good woman to be in their life that won't blow you off, will want to have sex with you, will actually NOTICE when you change up your style, and will love you unconditionally. I didn't think it was possible not so long ago, but then I came to reality, opened my eyes, and now I see. This advice is coming from someone who KNOWS the kind of guy you are with, and I'm telling you, based on what you've posted, it's not even worth your time. I do have a question for you though: why are you in so much pain during sex? Also, my periods were TERRIBLE. I got on birth control, and it straightened me out. However, depending on the birth control you're on, it may not be the right one for you. I would reccommend trying different types of birth control until you find the right one that makes you not hurt anymore, and lessens your period. That's what I had to do. I know exactly w

[techlettekween]

**what you're going through there. According to my gyno, it sounds like you're not on the right type of birth control for your body type. No, they're not all the same like most people assume. Every birth control is different, and you just need to find the right kind for your body that works with you. Hope I helped!

[Whispa]

It was one I took every day, stopped my periods all together. Erm yeah I said to him a few times that he actslike he's gay with a friend of his, but he's adamant that's not true, I don't think he's flooding around, it's like he's got used to the fact that I didn't want to do anything, now he's stuck in that rut, , I don't think he's with anyone else, he's far too comfy here to, and terribly honest, he works in Probation, and long hours, no car etc.
But the gay thing had occurred to me too. My ME is getting a li title better soo have a bit more energy n stuff, and want to be affectionate, but he treats me like a friend too, like if I touch him. He won't even squeeze past me, goes right out the way, it's like id electrocute him if he got too close.
But he
Irks up the cat and cuddles her n stuff, I was I was a firkin cat, infancy I think I even said that out loud before.
In some respects I kinda wish he would just vanish, or talk say something, like iw ana try or I don't wana try, but I'm just hanging. We have debts together and I'm not sure I can afford my car which I can't do without if he's not here. I get dla, but if I lost that I'd be totally screwed. I don't go out, so it's out like I can meet anyone.
I literally only recently just started to investigate myself, and learnt in to appreciate my own body, which I always hated, it's actually kinda hurtful that he doesn't seem to noticed at all.
I find myself shrugging out of my tops revealing a bit more 'by accident' to see if when he talks to me his eyes wander. So far he's not noticed though.
As for the pill, I think thatmitmwas helping in suppressing my libido, and now that I'm not taking it, it's coming up again. Also that it says painful in sex, I think tense, maybe my internal stuff seems a bit further back, and I notice even with a dildo,mthat can be painful.
Also kind a unrelated, but I been playing about experimenting with vibrators n stuff, since I'm not getting anything else, and I have a little one, and it went mad, on my clit almost tickled, it kinda made jump, and then I lost it, but I wonder then about the sex thing, also when I come, it hurts too, like period pain in my pelvis.
I never talked to anyone about it before, but now I'm thinking about it, I have a fair amout of pain round my body from my ME, but I get pain down there too and discomfort I guess. I'm more gentle with myself obviously, but maybe thats something else that lead to me getting an aversion to being touched and my extended dry spell.