[IttyBenten]

First, I want to make three things very clear:

• My boyfriend and I are in a strong relationship, and we have loved and supported eachother emotionally for years.
• I have had a troubled childhood and deep insecurities originating with my father,
• and finally, while I trust him, I always have had a fear that he will leave me, or let me down like many other people I know.

My boyfriend and I have been actually dating for two years, and we have been sexually active for one year and a half, give or take a month. We've known each other for five, three of which I was there for to help him through lung cancer and a brain tumor. He has helped me through long traumatic family trouble, the worst being neglect from my family and emotional abuse from my father.
Now that things have settled for the most part, and he has eased me through the tender issue of becoming intimate with him, he wants me to be more dominant and vocal, and to make more open decisions, in and out of the bedroom. I'm timid due to my childhood insecurities, and I'm most comfortable being dominated. I'm used to being weak, and especially used to my word counting for little. What can I do to get over these fears? I still awake in the night sobbing from nightmares about my father hating me and my boyfriend leaving me.

[jns]

It may take some time for you to have a better self image and become stronger because of it. Your bf is a good place to start because he is encouraging the same thing. Let your opinions be known and learn how to bring in facts to support your arguments. Disagreeing with your bf about some things is not bad unless you become disagreeable by not acknowledging the weakness of your arguments against his strong ones. He should do the same. Later, amongst a group of friends, stand up for yourself in expressing your view.

[IttyBenten]

Thank you, you're right. I am always very open with him, and he always lets me know if he has a problem with something or if I need help in one area or another. Most of the time he's tough on me when I need him to be, but right now I know he's making it so I have to rely on my own strength to jump this hurdle. I just feel trapped in a family situation and I guess it's affecting how I act around him. My Father has been unreasonable and I'm having trouble coping with it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I take it that your Father is still very much in your life..

I often think that, that makes it harder to be assertive, and "free".

Is there anyway that you can break free from him more?

I think your boyfriend sounds like a great guy, he has already given you strength and is wanting to take you to the next level. The beauty is, he is NOT your Father and you should remind yourself constantly of that. Just because one person adds pain into your life, doesn't mean the next "type" in this case being a male will to.