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  • TrainedSeal
    Junior Member
    • Jun 2012
    • 5

    Gave oral for the first time, now I'm worried :(

    So it was our 8th date, my gf and I. She is a larger girl, bbw type and I don't know why but I find that incredibly attractive. There is a "limit" on how big I like girls but she's just perfect. I am athletic and muscular but still pretty big. I hit the gym a lot and eat a lot of protein and she eats what she can but not terribly unhealthy, just big portions.

    We went camping and started to make out and she texted to me a bunch of times that camping would be "lots of fun. Lots of fun." And I directly asked her if she was thinking about sex and she said yeah so no big deal. I just wanted to be clear on her intentions. I am still a virgin but she said she's had other bfs which really bothers me a lot but everyone has a past right? I am 27 and am still a virgin. She gave hers away when she was 16 and drunk and that is incredibly irresponsible of her and it scares me a lot but I can't change the past. I never told her these feelings. I think she would feel hurt and ashamed and I don't want her to feel that way.

    Anyways we make out for an hour and then get naked and make out a lot more. I kiss her all over, take my time and i think I love her but she says it's too soon to say that and that worries me. I go down on her and I've done a little research [i bought a book, sue me] and I think I made her come twice because it was a torrent of thank yous, this is heaven, that was perfect etc and we took breaks in between the two sessions. She didn't ask me about having sex and going down on her was what I wanted to do [I told her that when she said she wanted to go further on the camping trip] so I wasn't feeling sex. Honestly I was too nervous to do that. On one hand I love it that I can please her orally and do it right but on the other hand my ego is boosted too much and I want to keep it in check. I hate the idea that I can look at her and think "I can make you come again and it's easy for me." I never want to think that but my mind wanders anyways. I want to always see her as my gf and not some object of sexualization or pleasure even if it's mostly for her. Does that make any sense? I don't have trouble seeing her as a person or my gf but it's weird you know?

    My concern is that I might eventually catch something. I told her I want to be exclusive and I'm not texting, meeting or Facebooking anyone. She told me to do what I want and I told her NO I am not screwing around on you [that's not in my nature. When I like someone I will give them the world literally] and us to be bf/gf. She seemed really reluctant but said she was scared and she did want to be my GF. To me being bf/gf is just that we are exclusive to each other, not that we'll be screwing like rabbits or something. To me it's an emotional commitment. One of the things I don't like about her [beyond her snoring in the tent lol!] is that she never ever tells me how she's feeling, what she's thinking. I always have to ask her. I wish she'd rather talk my ear off then sit there and just hold my hand or something. I want a connection. We started to make out after the 3rd date and it was my first makeout. We went to a drive in theater and it was heaven for me. I guess she loved it too. She kept trying to put my hand under her shirt and then her bra and i just let it rest there but didn't move it. I don't think she's a **** at all but I wonder why she wants to move so fast so soon. To me the 3rd date could be a makeout but nothing heavy. She is a lot more aggressive than I am but without words. I asked her if I could hold her hand. I asked her if I could put my arm around her. She never asks, she just does stuff.

    When I went down on her in the tent she was sort of fishy but I guess it was all the time we spent before camping just hanging out and walking, that's how girls smell? I don't mean she doesn't wash but it just sweat down there right? I didn't want to hurt her feelings or anything so i didn't say anything. I'm guessing she knows that already. I mean you could smell the musk, her lubrication smell. It was inside the tent. I don't know. Does any smell mean some sort of disease or yeast infection or something?

    It's been 2 days since then and I don't feel sick or have mouth sores but I'm still worried.
    And if I wanted to make sure she was clean [we are planning a trip up north around the 4th and I'm guessing more sexy play then too but I don't want to have penetration sex] how would I talk to her about her smell without ****ing her off or hurting her feelings?

    Thank you
  • acerousme
    Veteran Member
    • May 2008
    • 1397

    hi there... Good for you for being a virgin still! That's awesome! But please don't say it was irresponsible of your girlfriend to lose her v-card while drunk...well don't say it to her face. She probably regrets it enough, but from what I have read so far, you seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders, and know the difference between what TO say, and what NOT to say to her. I give you MAJOR credit for having good values, and wanting to be exclusive with her.

    It sounds like she has a bit of a past. Which most girls do. Maybe she thinks sex is love? I don't know. But if you don't feel comfortable having sex with her just yet, Don't! And if you want to get tested beforehand, ask her to do so as well. Out of respect for you. Before my man and I started ANY sort of sexual relationship, we both went and had the appropriate tests done. Out of respect for each other.

    As for the Love part...maybe it is too soon for her? How long have you been together?

    As for that fishy smell...No, not ALL girls have that. Yes you two were camping, so that could be a major factor as she is a bit bigger and perhaps sweats a little more than normal. Or she could have a possible yeast infection. Was there a discharge? Was it colored? yellow? white? clear? did it taste fishy? I don't know how you can go about talking to her about it. Hearing "you smell funky down south" is something NO girl wants to hear...ever. Even if it is so gentle, it hurts and is embarassing. Next time you give her oral sex, make sure she showers first? If the smell is there, then yeah...I'd refrain from play.


    You sound like an amazing guy with a smart outlook on life. You are definitely one of a kind. I hope you know that!!

    Comment

    • TrainedSeal
      Junior Member
      • Jun 2012
      • 5

      I have an impossibly hard time telling myself that I am a good person. To hear it from someone who means it is still hard for me to cope with.
      I want to be the perfect boyfriend but I do dial it back sometimes because I feel it is too much of a goal and I need to concentrate on her and not on my actions all the time.

      I didn't think there was any discharge beyond her just being really wet which I thought was nice. Better to be too wet than too dry I would think.

      I wish I could get over my resentment for her and her past. She is literally perfect besides that.
      I've known her for 1 month. Things are moving fast. I am new to all this so if she wants to do something I say sure. I do suggest a lot of stuff too. Places were I know we can't make out like the bowling alley, minigolf, etc.

      Comment

      • acerousme
        Veteran Member
        • May 2008
        • 1397

        you are a good person. Believe it.

        Okay so it was probably from her sweating a lot, and not being able to wash properly.

        You have to let the past go. Why dwell over it? Its not like it can be changed, and its made her into who she is today..and you love her for who she is.
        Maybe you two need to slow down? One month is only 30 days...and that's nothing to laugh over, but it is still a young, fresh relationship.

        Comment

        • TrainedSeal
          Junior Member
          • Jun 2012
          • 5

          I dwell over it because she still drinks and I feel like she'll cheat on me. What is preventing her? She tells me she goes out to bars and drinks with friends. Isn't that how it happened the first time? She got wasted and screwed some guy. I can see it happening again and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for her and it just drives me crazy.

          I know I am very jealous but I don't know how to deal with it.
          I fell for her a lot harder than she did apparently.
          I feel betrayed and confused.

          Comment

          • TrainedSeal
            Junior Member
            • Jun 2012
            • 5

            And I just broke up with her now.
            It's for the best really. My jealously and mistrust of her won't be a good foundation for us to have a relationship on.
            She didn't even say she was sad or confused or anything. Just dropped me off.
            Wow I am feeling low.

            I wonder if I will ever be good enough.

            Comment

            • DreamP346
              • Oct 2011
              • 2053

              TS - it seems like you have a lot of insecurities. You will have to learn to handle them better otherwise you will not be able to have a healthy relationship with anybody.

              Sexual past. Accept that everybody has one, especially at your age. We live in the 21st century. Women are entitled to sexual freedom. Your ex seems like she is very sexually confident and knows what she wants. That is a good thing. Just because she is not as reserved as you when it comes to sex, you cannot blame her for it. If it really is that big of an issue for you, find yourself a virgin partner who also has the same values about sex as you do. But don't judge others because they are confident in their sexuality.

              Losing virginity at 16 - did she tell you the details about this? Just because she was drunk, doesn't mean she did something she didn't really want to. Also, maybe she was taken advantage off. Maybe she was raped. How many stupid stuff have we done when we were teenagers. We usually learn from them. We've all made clowns out of ourselves when drunk, but that doesn't make us stop drinking. As we grow, we usually learn to handle it better. You cannot judge a person's entire life based on one incident you don't even know the details about.

              Oral sex and safety - it is true that oral sex on a woman is the least risky type of sex. If you did get anything, it wouldn't really manifest right away. Just for your own peace of mind, you can go get tested. Next time use a dental dam.

              Falling in love - you can't control what others feel for you. Getting emotionally attached after 1 month is pretty early for most people (not saying it couldn't happen). If you really love somebody, you wouldn't force things on them. Also, it takes each person a different amount of time to feel comfortable enough to open themselves up to somebody to even be emotional. The way you feel about sex and taking it slow, many people feel about emotions. You can't rush it. If you do, then you will just push that person away.

              Next time around I would suggest that you take things as they come and don't over analyze stuff. Enjoy each other. And if anything feels uncomfortable, talk about it. Be open. Let the person know what you feel and where you hope the relationship will go. Don't sit around imaging stuff that will make you jeolous.

              You asked if you will ever be good enough. You first need to believe that you are good enough for yourself. Work on your self-esteem. Otherwise you will never feel good enough, even if you become the next Bill Gates.
              Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

              Comment

              • TrainedSeal
                Junior Member
                • Jun 2012
                • 5

                I get that I am jealous and insecure but I don't know how to immediately fix those issues.

                I am raising my standards as to who I date:
                non-smokers
                non-drinkers
                no drugs
                no-premarital sex [this is new]
                above highschool edu

                Comment

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