[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, I am really glad that he immediately stopped. I am upset that he didn't believe you were a virgin. So, that indicates to me that he is not at all serious about you, had thought you weren't and was ready to "claim". At least he has some morals by stopping and holding you.

I don't know how to explain this to you. But, your first time? First few times? Is so much better when you are in an honest, loving, girlfriend - boyfriend relationship and are ready to try.. There is something about that look in his eye, looking into yours, the small kiss on your fore-head, you just ooze in love/lust that it all seems to feel ok... Then the more you do it, the more it starts to feel awesome.

Just "doing it" for the first time can to alot of girls mean nothing...

I read something today, that said a man when he touches you can make you feel you belong, peaceful within your self, or he can make you feel and think of a horrible past experience. All by the way in which he touches you.

[Tigress]

The thing about it is, I still have feelings for him. I believe he has feelings for me, he was crying when he was apologizing to me once.

It's like he didn't mean to hurt me.

[Magnetism]

I read something today, that said a man when he touches you can make you feel you belong, peaceful within your self, or he can make you feel and think of a horrible past experience. All by the way in which he touches you.

Very interesting, Chandlers! I do recall automatically flinching around some men, but then feeling safe hugging and being touched by other men.

[DreamP346]

It seems you are very inexperienced with sex. That's like going skiing because you hear so many people talk about how much fun it is and just going to the top of the mountain without learning the simple stuff first. Then falling down miserably, going home instead of participating in all the fun after ski activities and wondering how anybody could enjoy this.

Take it slowly. First thing you need to do in learn to pleasure yourself. Do you masturbate? Have you experienced an orgasms from masturbation?

You mention that your partner kissed and held you afterwards. Did you enjoy that part? If so, then you do enjoy sex. That is part of sex. Take it slow. Enjoy the physical closeness of the other person. Then enjoy touching each other intimately. Try mutual masturbation. Oral sex. Don't try to accomplish all this in one day. Do only the things that bring you pleasure. You will notice that you want to keep doing more and more each time.

[jns]

I like skiing analogies.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Sex can either be very painful or incredibly pleasurable and beautiful experience.

A mans techinque or approach either makes it pleasurable or agony, if the guy is an ignorant, arrogant and self-centred pig one could not expect him to make love to you and for you to enjoy it.

If the guys isn't gentle and hes rough and ignorant well of course it aint going to be very good.

The anus is for excrement not for making love. Isn't that obvious ?

So its no wonder you think that sex isn't pleasurable simply because all you know is pain when you have sex with your partner.

[Lady Syrinx]

I'm also curious as to know if this is your first few times having sex...

Sex is not pleasant the first handful of times for a woman. Frankly, it kind of sucks. You've gotten a lot of good advice already. I think ""it would be good to talk a bit and find out more about your experience and how your partner is handling your responses.

Lana,

You are making a broad geralization when you say that sex isn't pleasurablethe first handthose of times for a woman. Some woman, like me, have a relatively easy time. Of course I had a very caring patner.

[Foggy Thoughts]

When I had sex for the first time it wasn't pleasant at all. It was uncomfortable, awkward and didn't feel right at all. I had sex several times with my first partner and it never felt good when it was vaginal, only when it was oral. However, he was the only guy that I didn't enjoy vaginal sex with.

Do you feel physically attracted to him? Do you enjoy kissing and hugging him? Do you feel safe and secure around him, in his arms?
Part of my problem with my first sexual experiences was that I didn't feel that my first boyfriend cared that much to me. He kind of seemed like he dated me just because it's something people do, I didn't feel all that special. Another problem I had was I couldn't communicate well with him especially about sex. I didn't know what I liked and I didn't know what to tell him to make it better.
I think what would help you both a lot is to discuss things before engaging in sex and to take it slow. Communication is key. If you feel nervous about talking about sex it can signal to your body that you're not ready and you can tense up. For me I need some kind of foreplay beforehand. Kissing, hugging, massaging each other, work your way up to it. I think using his fingers to please you down there would be a good starting point. You may have to try a few different things before you find something that does it for you sexually.


However things turn out, don't feel guilt into having sex with him if it doesn't feel right. Don't feel you have to have sex to please him if it does nothing for you. It's possible that you two aren't sexually compatible but that doesn't mean you should swear off sex.

[Melephant]

I apologise if someone's already suggested this, i haven't got my glasses to hand so having a bit of trouble.

Sounds like you may have vaginismus -a psychological condition where the vaginal muscles clamp shut, it makes sex incredibly painful, mostly impossible. I had it for about a year (unless i was drunk) after childhood sexual abuse. Sex therapy can help but mine went away on it's own..

Barring that, you may need to use lube -maybe a glass of wine- and really take your time and relax, lots of foreplay. Good luck

[Melephant]

I just found my glasses, by the way -they were, of course, on my head lol