[balanced]

Hi this is my first time posting here or anywhere like this. So bear with me.
My Husband is a serving member of Defence and is currently deployed, he has been gone almost 4 months and we still have 3 to go...
Before he left and for a long time before that I was just well, just not nice to be around.
I am overweight (very) and have just been an awful person to be around. I have been cranky, moody, always tired. I would needs less than one hand to count the times we have had sex this year...
Despite all this he is still here and says he still loves me. He has never bought up my weight, ever and I bless him for it. My self esteem has been very low for a long time and this, I think is what has been preventing me from allowing him to touch or look at me. I feel like, who would want to, it is not a "pretty" site. I think my husband is Hot, he keeps himself fit, he is aging fantastically. I have always felt people look at us and go huh? and think we are mismatched. Before he left he very gingerly asked me if i might lose some weight with him away. I huffed and puffed, hung my head in shame and said yes.
Are you still with me this could be long.
I have been struggling with losing it and a friend suggested I go see a hormone Dr. Well that conversation changed my life and most probably his. Turns out my hormones were all crazy out of whack and Dr has me on all sorts get me back to normal. She tells me it explains a lot. I have been on the new regime for almost 5 weeks now and with the help of the very strict and restrictive diet and the hormones I have lost nearly 10 kg. Colour me surprised. The Dr also warned me I did not know what normal felt like so be prepared to feel very different and that getting my hormones in check may also raise my libido.
Now colour me pink, I have been as horney as a spring bunny for a few days. I have never really been able to get much done with masturbation unless my DH is there, so I have been walking around with super sensitive skin and an ache in my groin I am acutely aware of. I am painfully shy but have a need to be a bit dirty so i am trying to get over it and have sent a few suggestive emails to DH to test the waters. Very mild by most accounts I am sure. I am so nervous about this. I can't imagine what he is thinking. I really really hope he plays along and gets in to it. I think I know him well enough after 17 years to say he would love me to bring sex back to the bedroom, I am also sure he would want me to take the lead as he has been shut down a few to many time I think he has lost his nerve to even approach me. But am worried he will a) either not pick up the hint as it has not been a part of our lives for a really long time or b) be horrified and ignore it. Insecurity is B****. We have never tried phone sex or email sex before even when we were having regular sex. So for all the ladies and guys out there, do people do this? do they like it? What sort of stuff gets said, like I said it has mainly been suggestive so far and on my initiation.
Give me strength, I even went on line and bought my first ever vibrator, I am a bit intimidated by it but am willing to give it a go. DH has always wanted me to get one. Was thinking of taking a photo of the post box when it arrives or a distorted one of it and sending it with a "guess what I got, wish you were here" type message. I can't send skin pictures as the communication is limited and the fire wall would not let it through, even words have to be skewed differently. I also don't want him to see me, I still have a lot of weight to lose and am aiming to have at least another 10kg gone by the time he gets home. I want to shock him.
So I guess I am asking, if others think he will enjoy this new side of me, well old side coming back but maybe a bit more adventurous. I hope he is happy to see her.
Also for some suggestions on what to say, maybe? Guys? if you were a long way from home and your partner/wife was sending you suggestive and progressively more descriptive emails would you like it or want it to stop because you can't do much but read about it. I guess I am hoping to build anticipation?? I just and so insecure about doing it....
Have I made any sense??

[mab_426]

Balanced,

Hormones? Tell me what I need to do, my intimacy with my boyfriend has gone out the window. I feel the exact same way as you. At the end of 2009, I lost about 68lbs (thats around the time we got together). Now I have gained that and about 20lbs. So trust me I know exactly how you feel, especially with your husband and you two's intimacy. Maybe I should go to get checked, do I just go to my regular primary care physician or what? I'm definitely interested, maybe that's what I've been lacking too. Umm...I've also had anxiety and depression and it has recently hit rock bottom. I'm always tired, basically all the things you've been feeling lately. My boyfriend won't say anything about my weight either because he knows I will go off on him (hes very athletic too). People look at us the exact same way, hence, the reason I don't like going out with him or anyone, anymore. I would love your advice also.

Not to bring up my past, but I used to date somone who was in Afganistan fighting for our country. Don't go in too strong but its all about trial and error honey! Everything that you said sounded great. And I dont know any guy that would not be elated about the fact that their girlfriend/wife/whatever wants to be more intimate and is horny. I'm pretty sure he won't be able to keep his hands off of you as well! Be yourself and follow your heart. Don't be shy or timid, I'm sure he'll love the new you! I also want to say CONGRATS on trying to light the spark back into your relationship. Way to go! Keep me updated, let me know how it goes oh and Good luck!

[balanced]

Hi Mab
The hormone thing has been a revelation but not only that alone I think. I went to Holistic GP (here in OZ, might be called something else where you are) she is a hormone and fertility specialist. I am not trying or even want to be pregnant I went for the hormone stuff. She sent me for in depth blood testing and it turns out I have fatty liver, insulin resistance (even though I produce 3x the normal amount??) and screwed up hormones. They all cycle around each other and without fixing them all, I can fix none. She has me on a diet which I have adapted and am now eating Paleo. (worth googling) It has been a major player in my weight loss. I consume no sugar, no grain except brown rice 3x a week) no legumes (but still hummus but i shouldn't) no dairy, no potato's, no honey, no soft drink, no artificial sugars either, no alcohol and no more than one piece of fruit a day and then only strawberries or melon. It was challenging for the first three days then I started noticing little changes in my mood. Now I have adapted I miss none of it and I eat really well. I also suffered with depression/ anxiety. I think they will always be there but I feel much better equipt to deal with it these days as I am not fighting other stuff inside. I would recommend anyone to look in to hormone levels. Some of mine she told me were the level of a 80 yr old woman (I'm 38) and some were non existent. it might not help, it might not be the cause of anything but for me so far so good.

I don't think I have to worry about going in to strong, I am too shy, like I said so far it it has been two, short emails that could be taken either way and one that said a little bit more but was still short and definitely innuendo. I really do want the light back in our relationship, I feel that I was the one blocking it and my DH deserves better. I guess I was just looking for someone to say go for it and give me some advice on how to be braver and say flirty or even dirty stuff...

Keep me posted on you also. It is nice to realize you are not alone

[DreamP346]

Girl, your DH will be ripping the clothes off you when he gets back. He will love everything you have become and most of all, your sexual confident. Don't hint, come right out and tell him. Say your saw the doctor about your hormones and its doing wonders for you. This way he won't worry about you while he is away. Tell him that the treatments have raised your sex drive and that you can't wait for him to get back so you can make it up to him for the last few years. When start all the sexy messages and phone calls. This way he won't start imaging what you are up to that is making you horny again.

There is a lot of indirect sex talk you can write. I'm sure you have some lingo that only you two understand that you can use. You can also use the virbrator while he is on the phone. Of set up masturbation dates. Both of you promise to masturbate at the same time thinking about each other. This way, even though you are apart, you can both be having sex at the same time. Give your vibrator a name. Many call their's BOB (battery operated boyfriend). Tell you DH all about your "date" with BOB and what you plan to do with him, etc.

This will be a sexual awakening for you and your husband will love it.

[balanced]

Just a quick update.
Well that worked. DH was surprised but happy. We have been exchanging daily emails for over a week now and they are fantastic, sometimes twice a day, we are communicating like we never have before.
Only problem they are making me distracted, I am not getting much else done. By his home coming the tension will be palpable he will be lucky if we make it out of the airport.
SP346 thank you for your tips, the masturbation dates were a great idea, the time difference makes it a bit difficult so instead I had him set an alarm on his watch so when it went off at work he knew I was also. There is something very powerful and liberating knowing that he is walking around with a smile on his face and a bulge in his shorts, that I put there, from the other side of the world.
My insecurities are well on their way to being banished