[asiangrace]

So my fiance and I have been trying to meet other couples who are open to girl/girl and down the road hard swapping. We want to be friends first and see if there is chemistry.

Lately, however, I've really wanted to introduce a single guy into our mix more than a couple. This is because.... Well, I want to see if sex is any better with someone else and this is the way I can do it without cheating. Not that our sex is bad. It's been good lately, but he has been my ONLY sexual partner so I guess I really don't know if it's "good" or not. I don't know what I could be missing. I tell him it's because I want to add spice to our sex life, but really it's because I'm curious about trying other sexual partners. He isn't completely closed off to the idea of a single guy. He thinks a couple is a better fit for us. The only problem with a couple is that even if we do a swap, there's still the risk of the girls getting jealous (I am not the jealous type at all, but I've also never watched my fiance have sex with another female so while I'm predicting I will find it hot, there's also a small risk I MIGHT get jealous - hey, I'm a typical female too!) Of course, there's risk of guy's getting jealous too. But that's why we want to build up chemistry and trust with another couple first before hopping in bed.

Anyway, back to my original point... It turns me on more thinking about a single guy since there would be no potential girl drama (just potential guy drama)

I wouldn't at all say we aren't sexually compatible, he does make me feel good! I just, I don't know... I guess I want to see what else is out there but not breaking up our relationship or cheating. I don't know if I should tell him the truth as to why I want a single guy. I don't want him to think he's not doing a good job at pleasing me.

Thoughts?
Also, is it okay that I want to "try" out other sexual partners just to see?? I would never cheat on my fiance, so this single-guy thing is the safest thing I could come up with.

[asiangrace]

Please do not deviate TOO much from main topic - I do know to use safe sex, the risks of jealousy, to make sure we both trust the guy, to make sure he's not a random stranger, boundaries, etc...

[jns]

Sex is what you make of it. From a background of having 10s of sex partners, physical attraction is part of it, but personality is a much greater on the attraction scale. I have found that sex is much more satisfying with a partner I love than with one there is only a physical attraction to. If a girl had a personality that I found to be unattractive, then I would never be able to love her and I would never have the attraction to her that I would have with a girl who wasn't as attractive, wasn't in as good of shape, etc.; but had a personality I found intoxicating.

You said you would never cheat, but many people say the same thing, then find a person who knows how to push their buttons and all agreements are off. And the new person may be nothing but heartache. If you have never tried anything else, you honestly don't know what your reactions might be.

[Hugo-B]

If I were 25 when I had read JNS's post (and still relatively immature) I don't think I would quite have been able to relate to it, I'm almost 33 now and I agree 100%.

My first (and slightly flippant) reaction after reading the OP was to 'offer myself', but that really wouldn't solve anything.

Asiangrace: What I read between the lines in your post was (and forgive me if I'm wrong) was "I want to find out what sex is like with another man without leaving/damaging my relationship". There is NOTHING wrong with feeling like this. Curiosity is natural and normal.

I've mentioned on here several times to men who prefer inexperienced girls that I personally believe a girl may well be just as inclined to cheat out of curiosity.

I think if you can remain emotionally committed to your fiance' whilst maintaining healthy boundaries you may well make it through this with your fiance' and come out the other end smiling. That is, if you're determined to stay engaged and in love with the guy, as JNS said, you don't really know HOW you'll feel or react after sleeping with other men. It could be disappointing to you, leaving you confused and upset; or it could be mind blowing, leaving you feeling addicted to the excitement and eager to repeat the experience. Neither of the two possible outcomes are written in stone but I would consider how you would deal with them in case that is how things to transpire.

No offense (and I've never done anything involving another man or woman inside of a relationship so I'm no authority) but for a young and relatively inexperienced couple (again, no offense) I think a completely uncomplicated outcome would be unlikely.

What may be a good idea, to put you on an equal footing would be for you and your fiance' to go to a swinging club and perhaps just have sex in front of another couple and talk to other people there. You could gradually 'work your way up' from there, no faster than you feel comfortable. You'll also meet couples who are unlikely to get jealous and be accustomed to fulfilling the requests of couples like yourselves.

Good luck anyhow

BB

[Quest]

Hmm you're not even married yet and you plan on having sex with other people?

If you do find the other guy to be way better, do you plan on breaking up with your husband?

I'm not seeing anything potentially positive from the perspective of maintaining a stable relationship to have sex with other people while in it.

[DreamP346]

I know most people are going to be fairly negative about sex with somebody beyond your partner, but people do it all the time. Its not as uncommon as most people think. It really depends on each of your views on sexuality. Here are some questions first:

In the MMF relationship, would your partner also have sex with the other male or would it just be the two guys pleasuring you? The reason I ask is because it shows how comfortable your partner would be to seeing you have sex with another man.

Have you thought about your reaction? More than likely this other man will do something better than your partner. Just the novelty of it will making the sex better than the usual. What then? Do you continue having the threesomes, do you ask for an open relationship, do you ask your partner to improve his technique?

How strong is your relationship? Have you have any issues in the past dealing with jeolousy, etc?

These are all issues you need to be very clear on before you go forward. A lot of times these things don't work out because couples rush in just thinking about the sexual excitement and not negotiating the consequences. Think of all the possibilities. Make sure your relationship is very strong and there are no lingering or hidden issues between you two. Negotiate the bounderies and whether you would both be willing to stop if one partner asked to. Seeing a couples counsellor or sex therapist would be a great idea as that will help you think of all the issues that may come up that you haven't even considered.

Start off slow. Go to the swingers club and maybe just make out with another couple. See how you feel about your partner making out with another women. This is important because more than likely, if you add a single male, your partner will ask to add a single woman and you will need to make sure you can handle that. Progresss slowly. Don't just into the sex right away. It would be advisable to keep seeing a therapist so you an talk about how this makes you guys feel and give each of you the opportunity to say "this is not for me" or "I really like this, do you also?"

good luck