[aprincess2012]

In the beginning of our relationship oral sex was mutual and my fiance loved to give it and taste me. I sometimes have a problem with not getting wet and offer to get lube and he would tell me that i didnt need lube that he could take care of me and he would then pull me up to his face and give me oral. He use to be happy to please me and said that is what turned him on the most was pleasing me. I always made sure that I was clean and shaved because I knew he might go down. Now he NEVER gives me oral and when I asked him about why he said that it had to be something that he was really in the mood for and that he really didnt like it that much that it wasnt very pleasurable for him. When i ask him why he said again that it was just something he had to really be in the mood for. He no longer seems to get off on pleasing me or me pleasing him, its just 'do it and done'. The passion seems to be gone I guess. So I dont know what happened or why things changed but now we no longer have oral at all. I always gave him oral and he loved it, but since it was unreciprocated I stopped. Now I feel there is a wall between us and I no longer feel as loved and uninhibited with him as I once did. Not sure what to think or what to do, but I know your sex life is a reflection of your relationship and it feels like ours is going down hill like a snowball headed for ****. I try to talk with him about it, which takes alot of mustering up the courage and I dont like to even talk about it anymore because I think it makes him feel inadequate and lousy and I dont want to make him feel that way. Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thanks.

[JonDoe]

When you talk to him, make sure to focus on your needs and desires instead of pointing out the fact that he stopped doing it, doesn't do it often enough, or doesn't always do it right. Explain to him the immense pleasure that you get from him giving you oral, and how you become uninhibited during intercourse because of it. Explain to him in terms of how you feel, not in terms of what he should do or is not doing. Also reciprocate and ask him about his needs and desires. And try not to have this discussion immediately before, during or after sex.

You might also like to buy him a book titled "She comes first", and perhaps read it yourself and/or together.

Do not automatically assume that this is merely a phase he is going through, and things will be better after you are married. Several posters on this site, myself included can attest to that. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker for you or not. Some women could never be married to a man that leaves the seat up, leaves dishes in the sink or doesn't make bed. Other can overlook these things, but could never stay in a relationship were oral was not performed and enjoyed by their spouse or significant other. However, don't give up too easily because any relationship worth having requires love, understanding, honesty, commitment, sacrifice and patience by both people.

[Guest]

She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D He's also written a follow up book He Comes Second.

I've recommended this book numerous times in this forum and it has helped many people. I continue to refer to it in my own personal life even though the joy of giving oral to my partner is extremely high.

[jns]

His libido has disappeared for the most part and the question is why. Has he started to get obsessively into cleaning? Is he getting more religious? What else has he done lately that is not like he was before? Are there any other reasons for the change in your sex life?