[jns]

She maintains that she has to concentrate while masturbating, and that she is not thinking about anyone or anything other than reaching orgasm. I just can't wrap my head around the idea of NEVER thinking about someone or something during sex or while masturbating because it seems so robotic, unhuman, asexual. Sure I understand the whole idea of being in the moment too. I simply may never get a straight answer or understand.

I know she finally admitted to fantasies. I can see a possibility for her explanation for the right individual. Most of us learn early on that fantasies can push sexual sensations to another level and bring us orgasm. In my case it was during a few wet dreams as a teenager. That of course led me to realize how to use such fantasies. But that does not have to be the only way. If sensations are right for the right person, riding the waves of sensations could take that person over the edge. There is the possibility that she doesn't have fantasies, but told you she did to satisfy your certainty.

When I was first married to my wife, fantasy didn't really have a part of the situation. I was sexually satisfied with my wife and the circumstances. I didn't need fantasy as I had reality.

[Guest]

without fantasies sex could be monotonous...i feel

[SeekingMyTruth]

I'll share as similiar experience and some results. My wife also reports no fantasies. I've probed for what that means and the result is that she truely reports no fantasies. She does enjoy sex but will not tell me what she enjoys. I rely on convulsions and such to know and I think, mechanically, I know what works.

Mentally I don't know her. She has even told me, since our marriage, "None of your business" as a reply to questions about her past. So my feeling is she is keeping herself from me. The result is that I don't share with her. Once one party holds back, the door is open for the other party to do the same and each person gets to deside what they hold back. The unshared part of my life leads me to knowledge about myself that I don't share. It leads me to look places I would not otherwise go. The unshared life expands and the shared becomes stagnant. We grow apart and she doesn't detect it.

So you can chose to hold things back if you like. You can let your fears or your lack of trust control you if you like. You can lose the person you care for the most, even if you are physically together.