[boxofparadox]

I wonder how common this is, my sex drive has dwindled the last couple years and have gone downhill the last year. A big part of it is that I've always had major anxiety problems when it comes to physical contact, it can take me months to get used to a new partner which in return means most don't stick around to find out. I also have some self esteem issues with my body and am terrified of anyone seeing me naked.

Last time I had sex it was pretty awful, I mostly did it to appease someone, not because I wanted to do it. The whole time I was incredibly tense, wasn't aroused at all so we had to use a ton of lube and it was quite painful. Needless to say I've checked out from that department for several months now and have no desire of going back.

I just had my hormone levels checked because I was suspecting PCOS based on few symptoms, but all the tests came back negative, so now I'm really puzzled. Is it possible that I've put up some sort of mental barrier because of bad experience and anxiety?

I think my main concern is future relationships, I know that most men anticipate sex pretty early on into the dating which only makes it harder for me because it's another thing to stress out about, but I just don't know how to get over it.

I have no intention of taking anymore anti anxiety drugs because they make me incredibly numb and it's difficult for me to focus on my work because of the brain fog.

[jns]

Possibly conditioning could help or in some cases even hypnosis. Probably the best thing to do is to first have a relationship with someone you really care about. That should lessen the anxiety. Look for someone who is willing to go slow on the build up of the relationship and slow and gentle when the time comes that you both agree to have sex. Hopefully you will be less shy about being nude in front of your lucky guy by then. Since you are shy, you both should spend days or weeks exploring each other before having sex. Maybe start in the dark and later progress to partial or indirect lighting such as a night light or a bathroom door partially open. If you still are to anxious, try hypnosis or conditioning by a psychologist. There are guys who will go slow enough to suit you, you just have to find the right one.

[DreamP346]

Can you see a sex therapist. This is the stuff they manage well, without medications.