About 3 years ago I started dating a guy named Nick. One night we where talking on the phone.He asked if i wanted to play 21 questions.One of his questions was if I ever masturbated I said yes, I tried once when I was 13 and after about 10 minutes I gave up because I didn't really have any clue what I was doing. So he told me he would teach me and to do everything he said. so I did and after about a half an hour I achieved an orgasm. It was amazing I never thought it would feel that great.
Then one day he was home alone so I went over.We where making out on his bed and it was getting intense.He took off his shirt and I started kissing down his chest and I ended up giving him oral. After he cam he gave me oral. I wasn't expecting it but once i loosened up I had back to back orgasms he didn't stop until I almost passed out. I literally felt like i floated 10 feet of the ground. I couldn't even keep myself from making noise. According to him I squirted. Witch i didn't know was possible. After that experience orgasms during phone sex where never as thrilling because I always new they could be better. I was very embarrassed about masturbation and i kind of felt dirty and wrong for doing it. So I barley changed positions and I refused to use toys. So unless we had oral I had pretty boring orgasms.
About 6 months later he went to college so we broke up. At this point in my life the only time I ever cam or masturbated was with him. The day he left I was alone Kind horny and really bored so I tried to masturbate. But I couldn't orgasm so I gave up coming to the conclusion that without him talking to me on the phone I would never orgasm again.A month or 2 later I decided to try again. This time I tried a different position. My usual position was just laying on my back with my legs bent and spread. But this time I tried laying on my stomach and humping my hand I cam. From then on I kept changing positions. Then I started to realize that masturbating wasn't wrong and I stopped feeling grossed out and embarrassed by it and I actually started using toys. I guess I was going threw puberty because I Would masturbate 4 or 5 times a day and still want more.
I was horny (like always) and didn't really have a lot of time so I laid on my back like I used to and put on some porn,it seemed like it would be faster then using my imagination. I cam after 2 minutes it wasn't great but it got the job done. That was the first time I used porn to masturbate and it made me realizing I could orgasm really fast by watching porn and just laying on my back. I started only using this position and watching porn every time I masturbated because it was quick and easy. After a while my orgasms became weaker and weaker but I kept masturbating and watching porn at least 3 times a week. Then one day I was in school and and all I could think about was going home waching porn and masturbating. So I decided it was time to throw away my toys, stop watching porn,and take a long break from masturbating. I went about 3 months without any masturbation or pornography.I was home alone one night and I had just got out of the shower. So I decided to masturbate.The orgasm was good but it still wasn't what I was looking for.It wasn't as good as it was with Nick. So I took another break this one lasting about 5 months.
I had some friends over we where all smoking pot and just chilling. At around 12:30 they left. I never smoked alone before but i was bored and had a lot of bud left so I thought why not. I was texting my crush and then I noticed I was really wet. So I masturbated. I didn't Think it would feel any different then it had the last time. But it did I cam about 8 times and each time felt like it lasted a entire minute. It was better then when I was with Nick. I was shaking,my eyes teared up,and I was moaning so load.I thought it was so intense because I had taken such a long break so the next night I did it again,but sober,with very unsatisfying results. It took me about a minute to orgasm and It was extremely weak.Ones I cam I got so sensitive I could touch down there anymore. That's when I realized it was the weed that made it so great.
I started getting high and masturbating at least 4 times a week. Then I started changing positions.I was always looking for a bigger better orgasm.My high orgasms are still amazing and I love getting high and seeing how many orgasms I can have before I need to pack another bowl. But I have realized that this is not good. I used to be an occasional smoker smoking only on weekends and never alone.Now i've become a daily smoker buying an eighth every month. And smoking most of it alone in my room.I have cut down to only smoking 2-3 times a week but I am scared that one day I will want to have a more intense orgasm so I will try a new drug to achive a better orgasm.Or one day the high orgasms will begin to feel very weak, unsatisfying, and boring like a sober orgasms. I'm extremely afraid that when I find the guy I want to give my virginity to he will not be able to satisfy me because I have had such intense orgasms in my life and I no longer enjoy sober ones. I have begone watching porn again witch I think will negatively affect my future sex life. I don't know what to do I really need some advice. I don't want orgasms to be ruined for me forever. I am also very afraid to have sex because I feel like I'm going to turn into a nympho maniac or a sex addict. Actual some times I feel like I already am one.
Sorry for the length I just really need some help and i think if you have all the facts you will be able to help me. If you don't want to read the whole thing please at least skim through it because i really need help
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