[AmberChan]

So my long term boyfriend and I are(were) both virgins. We finally decided we were ready to have sex. However, I was too tight. He could barely get the head in, and i was so tight that it hurt him. He pulled out and we went back to foreplay, figuring I wasn't turned on enough, tried again. Still too tight. So he tried to stretch me out some by fingering. He had fingered me before, but always with only one finger because it hurt when he tried more than one and our purpose wasn't to stretch me out, just to get off. This time he tried two and I dealt with the pain until it felt good, and then he saw blood on his fingers. He started freaking out, gagging, but he tried to do the right thing and stay there with me and find out if I was okay. I told him to just go to the bathroom before he threw up there . So I laid there naked, hurting, and crying while my boyfriend threw up next door.

And so my first time went.

Now to the advice, what do I need to do to avoid a repeat of that?

[Hugo-B]

Being tight the first time you have sex, or try to is TOTALLY normal. First time attempts at sex are usually unsuccessful and I've not heard one recount of anyone losing their virginity where the earth moved, so please do not worry, you're totally normal and your experience was not unusual.

Your boyfriend probably reacted the way he did because he's a bit squeamish, afraid of blood and was worried he'd hurt you when he saw the blood. I'm personally not too impressed by his reaction and think he could have dealt with it a little more tactfully but can only say in his defense, as I mentioned before, he probably panicked thinking he'd hurt you or done something wrong.

The girls will offer you more gender friendly advice, but just to try and make you feel better: the first time I tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection, then when I first did have sex I lasted about 20 seconds and my girlfriends mum walked in on us.

You'll be fine x

[DreamP346]

Sounds like a lot of many other first experiences. The blood was probably your hymen breaking. It probably won't happen again. Just keep trying and taking it slowly. You may have to try several times before you can do it.

Talk to your boyfriend about the experience. Make sure he understands that it may take a few times. Also, if its his first time as well, he may not know how to put it in. that also takes some practice to get right.

[lizzardb63]

Did you try using lube? That would help ease it in. First times are rarely "magical" and even with people who are experienced there are "bloopers". Stuff like that happens and what matters the most is that you are experimenting with someone you trust and love. One day you'll probably both look back and laugh about it.

[AmberChan]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I talked to my boyfriend about it, explained where the blood came from and that it was supposed to happen. But the thing is, he doesn't really want to try again. I do. We've had a sex life for a while, without the actual sex, just manual and oral stimulation. After our bad experience, he wants to just continue with that. I told him that I was fine, that the pain wasn't that bad, and I would start to loosen up. However he said it hurt for him too. It even hurt when he urinated the next day, the pain has cooled him to the idea of having sex. How can I convince him to try again?

[Hugo-B]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I talked to my boyfriend about it, explained where the blood came from and that it was supposed to happen. But the thing is, he doesn't really want to try again. I do. We've had a sex life for a while, without the actual sex, just manual and oral stimulation. After our bad experience, he wants to just continue with that. I told him that I was fine, that the pain wasn't that bad, and I would start to loosen up. However he said it hurt for him too. It even hurt when he urinated the next day, the pain has cooled him to the idea of having sex. How can I convince him to try again?

Your BF probably feels a bit embarrassed that things didn't go according to plan and is saying this to try and protect himself from future embarrassment (men often feel that they should 'know what to do'). I would take the pressure off of both of you by not fixing ant kind of deadline on when the two of you actually have sex, and just let it 'happen'. As the two of you grow more comfortable and the memories of this disappear I'm sure you'll find that having sex will occur organically and of its own accord.

As I mentioned I couldn't get an erection the first time I tried to have sex (embarrassing for me because it was Valentines day); we didn't try again for a few weeks and then one morning (March 1st at 0730 ;-) I can remember it just happening, with no prior discussion or 'agreement' to try again. I can just remember us cuddling on the morning (spooning) and her just guiding me into her... Then her mom walked in and about a week later I found out I'd contracted a urinary infection... That was the less romantic side of it LOL. I'm actually chuckling whilst I'm writing this because this kind of BS could only happen to me LOL.

Your situation isn't unusual and you're totally normal, good luck, and I'll be surprised if it hasn't happened within the next couple of months.

Have fun and make sure you don't get pregnant x

[lila]

Your boyfriend probably reacted the way he did because he's a bit squeamish, afraid of blood and was worried he'd hurt you when he saw the blood. I'm personally not too impressed by his reaction and think he could have dealt with it a little more tactfully but can only say in his defense, as I mentioned before, he probably panicked thinking he'd hurt you or done something wrong.

Yeah, his reaction makes me think he has a blood phobia.

I'd practice with a vibrator (turned off of course) or something, it doesn't have to be big. Just so you get used to the feel of penetration and learn to relax your muscles. I had the same problem (except it didn't hurt him, only me), and doing this helped me.

[jns]

I think that there may be more guys squeamish about blood than ladies. After all, it comes out about once a month for the ladies and they have to deal with it.

Ask your bf about his reaction to your blood.

Keep on trying with the intercourse. Try after he has got you to orgasm several times.