[ReallyNeedAdvice]

I'm too embarrassed to talk to my family and friends about this kind of thing, so I was hoping to see what others thought about this.

I am 20, and ever since I was 14/15 I have been getting intimate with guys. However, I have been with three boys who have attempted to finger me, but I'm not even sure if they even get a chance to get anything in before the feeling just becomes too uncomfortable and a little painful for me. One guy even said to me that i was too tight and would have to 'sort that out myself'.
I've always been uncomfortable with the concept of using a tampon, but in an effort to get over that and possibly help myself at the same time - I tried to use one. Unfortunatly, I tried to insert one (I'm not on my period, but i'd rather try for the first time when I'm not on so it's not 'messy' lol) and it took many attempts to even get the applicator in halfway to the grooves you're meant to hold. It was uncomfortable yes, but it was the pain that I couldn't get past. I tried to soldier on and force it through, but after a while I was worried about damaging myself so I figured I would stop and try again on another occasion. I don't know if it's my hymen or the ring of muscle in my vagina (not even sure if they are the same thing or different) that stopping me or what, but I feel like an idiot. I know people can normally insert a tampon without breaking their hyman - so I dunno if I'm just a wimp for pain or whether I should be concerned.

I doesn't help that the fact that I'm still a virgin at this age makes me feel really self-conciousness and that I was getting myself stressed while trying to insert the tampon.

I'm hoping that someone could give me genuine advice because it's actually really getting me down, and I don't need a lecture on how I should be proud to be a virgin, I've heard it enough haha

Thanks a lot!

[Little]

We try not to lecture here, and we don't allow mean posts, so no worries.

Have you considered that you are just too tense for your vagina to loosen up? You mentioned your muscle, but there's not just muscles around the front of your vagina, but all through the canal that have to be relaxed. It is totally normal for untried muscles to just be tighter.

And you should REALLY REALLY not be putting tampons in when you aren't menstruating. They are just not meant to be used that way, it's a bit dangerous. It increases your risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome, which is serious business. Give yourself another shot at putting one in on your next period. If you get messy, it's fine - you'll probably be right next to a sink.

When it comes to your hymen, if you've led an active life that includes activities such a bike riding or horse riding, there's a chance your hymen is seriously deteriorated or at least compromised (which is a good thing, IMO.) So you shouldn't worry too much about it.

If you keep exploring and find that your vagina just doesn't seem to be permitting any entry, you'll want to see a doctor. Nobody but you has to know, and I guarantee the doctor has seen it all already.

[DreamP346]

What Little said. Also try using a tampon with the applicator. Those applicator free ones really hurt me.

[michelled]

Try not to stress about this. Array is so right about trying tampons when you get your period. Messy, yes, but the natural lubrication will help with insertion. Don't be afraid to use plenty of lubricant like K-Y jelly on the tip of the applicator too. This will make insertion much easier.

As for the fingering ...... I think you need to experiment your self. Again, lubrication is the key. You didn't mention if you masturbate. If you don't, there are lots of posts here about it and many sources on the web that describe various ways to stimulate yourself. I mention this for a couple of reasons. First, you will get sexual arousal and satisfaction without inserting anything. And second, getting comfortable masturbating should give you lots of natural lubrication that will make it easier to begin inserting your finger(s).

I know this is a troubling problem but you can do this and the pleasure that will develop eventually will make it all worth the trouble. Be patient and good luck.