[hannahb]

I'm concerned because it takes me forever to have an orgasm. That's been true most of my life, and I've pretty much accepted that's just how I am. It hasn't helped that most of the men I've been with either didn't try to stimulate me or did for a couple minutes and gave up. Because of that, most of the time I've had to take care of myself. I'm afraid now that I've trained my body to my touch.

My current boyfriend is amazing - very attentive and eager to please. The thing is, he's tried repeatedly to get me to squirt - something he really likes. I did squirt a little once, but that's the only time. Now, since I have an idea of what it feels like, I can feel myself getting right on the edge, but can't let go. I understand the whole urination vs. orgasm feeling but I'm having a hard time letting go.

Now I'm having a bit of difficulty orgasming at all, and think it may be from the pressure I'm feeling to squirt. This is even when I'm rubbing my clit as he's penetrating me.

I should mention that I love sex and can't get enough of this man. He gets me extremely excited, and all other aspects of lovemaking with him are absolutely wonderful.

[TVlover]

Forget squiting for a while, go back to it in a month or two?

[jns]

Work on other things to distract you so you are not thinking, just reacting. Maybe music that you like, fragrances that you like, a warm bath before sex that makes you feel good, etc. Put yourself fully in the moment so you just hear his voice and not the rest of the distractions of the world around you.

[hannahb]

I think I like both of your suggestions, actually. Since I know I can orgasm, I don't worry that it's a physical issue, but an emotional/mental one. As for the squirting, I know it's not all that easy for some women, and I may be one of them (even if I do learn to relax.) I tend to be a worrier and this situation is no exception.

And in all honesty, as good as he is, there probably isn't enough foreplay. And just now, as I'm typing this, I realized a major part of the problem may be that, because my body can be ready in an instant, he may assume I'm totally ready. So the suggestion for the bath, frangrance, music may make a huge difference and give my emotions time to catch up with my body.

[JonDoe]

I'm afraid now that I've trained my body to my touch.

That is quite possible. Try refraining from masturbation for one month, and see if that has any impact.

[TJPatriot]

A separate approach is maybe have him wake you up early and try it when your mind still isn't fully active. For a while my girlfriend hasn't been able to finish me during oral (she used to be really bad but recently has been making great strides getting better and doing it more often) and the other day before I woke up she came over and starting sucking me off and she was able to get me to finish me off. I think a good part of my problem is the mental aspect and so being tired and not really awake I was still mostly shut off in the mind and reacted mostly to the physical stimulation.

[jns]

So the suggestion for the bath, frangrance, music may make a huge difference and give my emotions time to catch up with my body.

What is interesting about this approach is that it can be like when you hear the music you heard on your first date: it takes you back to that time. What I am suggesting is that it can be a form of classical conditioning, where if he hears certain music and/or smell certain fragrances, his body may become conditioned to prepare for sex.

[jns]

A separate approach is maybe have him wake you up early and try it when your mind still isn't fully active. For a while my girlfriend hasn't been able to finish me during oral (she used to be really bad but recently has been making great strides getting better and doing it more often) and the other day before I woke up she came over and starting sucking me off and she was able to get me to finish me off. I think a good part of my problem is the mental aspect and so being tired and not really awake I was still mostly shut off in the mind and reacted mostly to the physical stimulation.

Another possibility is that your libido is higher in the morning due to that being the time during the day when the male has the highest testosterone level. Morning sex is probably best for the guy, be it intercourse or receiving oral.

[hannahb]

What is interesting about this approach is that it can be like when you hear the music you heard on your first date: it takes you back to that time. What I am suggesting is that it can be a form of classical conditioning, where if he hears certain music and/or smell certain fragrances, his body may become conditioned to prepare for sex.

LOL Neither of us have a problem with our bodies getting ready for sex. It's my mind that seems to lag behind, so for that reason I really like this idea! I think it will help get me emotionally relaxed and ready.