[hd3406]

My wife caught me mastrubating. I am embarrassed that she did and I made the mistake of saying the small bit of cum she saw on my penis was from the night before when it was from 5 min before in the shower...I don't do this regularly but I do for some reason after having good sex the night before sometimes. I have a problem where I don't always have enough energy in me to come on to her at night so I will just lay in bed and wait for her to want it or go to sleep. She on turn thinks I am not attracted to her and I can't seem to explain in the right way that my lack of sex drive is not because I'm not attracted to her. I whole hartedly love her with everything in me but just don't have the energy in me to come on to her like I did when we first started dating and I couldn't stay off her...she wishes I was still like that. But anyway when she noticed when I got out of my am shower the cum I said paniced and lieing it was from the sex the night before...stupid I know but I felt guilty and embarrassed and ashamed that I did and she caught me. She is so mad at me now and doesn't trust me and I don't blame her because of my lie. I am terriable at explaining my self but she wants to hear nothing from me because I lied about it. She has told me on the past she thinks its hot to mastrubate but she doesn't want me to hide it. We are trying for our second baby now and she feels like I'm wasting sperm I think and she wants me to always come to her if I am horny bc I normally will wait for her to ask me n I will sometimes just not be in the mood for sex but I will try with her bc she wants to. I still just get embarrassed mastrubating and I don't know why and especially infront of her of all people. I am very shy about sex as a whole. I totally regret lieing about it to her and don't know how to explain my self...maby I don't need to but she is so heart broken that I lied I can't stand seeing her upset with me. We have been married for 2 yrs now and together for 5 and I can't picture a day with out her. Any advice here? Sorry I'm a terriable writer hope you could follow.

[lizzardb63]

I can understand where she is coming from when she says she doesn't want you to hide it. She just wants your honesty. Okay, yes she walked in on you, its embarassing, but it's better to come clean than to lie. She doesn't want to have that doubt in the back of her mind if you tell the truth about things or not. It's best to sit down and talk to her and apologize for lying. Don't lie to her again and tell her your wont. Maybe if you explain to her why you masterbate she'll understand. You have better sex if you masterbate the night before you actually have sex. A lot of guys masterbate before sex so they can last longer. It's natural for men AND women to masterbate. It comes down to each persons libido and how often they feel they need it. Some people have sex every day and also masterbate every day, then there are some people who don't masterbate at all and have sex maybe once a week.

If she thinks masterbating is hot, maybe next time you're in the shower you can ask her to join and help you masterbate. This will introduce the idea of masterbation into your relationship and maybe make you more comfortable with being more open about it. You're not "wasting sperm" because you will produce more. You never run out...so she'll still be able to conceive even if you masterbate.

Do not be embarassed, MANY MANY MANY people masterbate and it;s completely normal. Just don't lie about it anymore. Capish!?

[rcoreyus]

The trying for pregnancy issue changes things. Are you really really onboard with having a child or are you just going along with it?

Could you make a deal that when you feel you need release, she will take care of you, or if she is too tired, you can take care of yourself. That arrangement seems fair to me - I think its fine for anyone to masturbate whenever they want - but should give their partner the option first.

[jns]

Morning sex can be better than night sex because testosterone levels are usually higher. Can you have sex in the morning?