[amara333]

So, My BF and I has been dating for 9 months - we are both 26yrs old. We have known each other since high school but didn't not start dating until we met again about 2 years a go. And we share the same best friends and social circles. One of my female friend was his ex.
It was okay until one night I started being a nosy GF asking him stuff that I know I shouldn't ask on the first place, stupid I knew but I just tried and keep pushing him to answer about his past sex life including with whom and where were his first time, and I found out his first was with my female friend. Suddenly I felt uneasy and sick. I felt terrible and I just knew I won't see my female friend the same way again.
Since that night, my BF acted differently and I can feel it until today. Last night we had this talk and I apologize him for what I've been asking him fortnight ago. He said he also feel uneasy and he said I was being inappropriate, he feel uneasy towards his ex [my female friend]. I replied I feel the same and I shouldn't pushed him that night. Now I feel so bad and feel soo.. guilty towards him. I just feel that our relationship won't be the same again.
I am so afraid to lose him and is there any advice for me to make it right? It is still haunting me until today, I have this stupid thoughts of him behaving differently just because he wants to end it with me.. Please help, I am so lost

[rcoreyus]

What he did before he was dating you is not important. You first need to really convince yourself of that, then you need to be sure he knows that it really doesn't matter to you.

[Nholland]

Give it some time amd i think youll get over it. And if shes not a really good friend dont see her anymore. My bf and i used to work w his ex and sometimes id see her bent over or something and picture him ****ing her in that position and im blonde and slender and shes asian and thick and id think he preferred that look to me. But then she quit and now i never think about her or them together.

[Hugo-B]

If this girl is your friend it's not her fault that she has some history with your ex, and neither is it his. A lot of social circles are quite 'incestuous' with each other, and it is debatable whether or not this is a good thing.

I think sometimes it is not actually a bad thing to not be forthcoming with the facts/truth when all they will do is harm someone's feelings. You've probably also realized that it's best not to ask questions when really, in your heart of hearts, you don't want to know the answer. Do you think your BF would be clicking his heels with joy today if he'd just found out every graphic detail of your sexual history? It is just as bad for men, trust me.

If this girl is a good friend of yours next time the two of you can talk privately - although it may be easier if you're out and have had a few drinks - I would bring it up with her (it's good to get these things out into the open) and just tell the truth, that you were a bit upset you didn't know, that it's a bit difficult for you to deal with and you hope she can understand this, and you don't want this to affect your friendship. If she isn't really a good friend then I would just minimize contact with her if it bothers you that much.

Either way obsessing about it wont help. Without sounding like I'm trying to promote myself I started a thread ages ago about this which may be of some interest , I think it was titled 'number of previous partners' or 'partners sexual history', there were some interesting contributions, I hope it makes you feel a bit better.

x

[PinkySweet]

Well honestly, if you feel uneasy... Maybe you shouldn't date your friends ex?

But also like some other users said before, what someone did before you shouldn't come into play with your relationship.