[Xylogeist]

My girlfriend cannot have sex with me. She is trying so hard, but we have a serious issue. It is absolutely unbearably painful for her... I'm being extremely understanding about it, and would give up sex all together for her if I had to, but I want to know what I can do to make it work, if anything. Let me explain the issue as best I can, and maybe someone can help us.

I'm a large guy, about 6'3" and 200 pounds, I'm 18. Down there I am at the most about 7 inches long. My girlfriend is 16 (the age of consent is 16 in her state, Georgia), she's 5'0" and 110 pounds. So, I am a big person she is a very small person. We began having sex in July of this year when we met in-person for the first time and tried again when we met in August a second time. Both times... when I enter her it hurts her extremely bad.. the first time she took the pain because she wanted to lose her virginity to me (and mine to her), but it reduced her to tears and left her sore. She explained that it was stretching too much and that when it was inside her it would continue to hurt a LOT the longer it was inside. The second time we met, we tried lubrication, we tried different positions, I tried loosening her first by making her climax before I entered, she tried practicing with her fingers and toy, but NOTHING seems to make the pain any less. Her fingers, toy, my penis - they ALL hurt while inside her, she is extremely small. Lubrication or not, it hurts her a lot. Lubrication made it go in easier but it hurts her the same... shes afraid she will never be able to enjoy it... What can we do?

[jns]

At 16 her body is not fully developed. That probably has something to do with it. You are also longer than average. You did not tell how large you are around or across. If you have a lot of girth, that can be worse than length for stretching too much.

It could be she has some situation that can make sex painful such as cysts or fibroids. Has she been to a gynecologist to have an exam?

If she wants to use toys to try to stretch out a little bit, she should maybe start with small dildos or vibrators and work up to larger ones.

[Xylogeist]

At 16 her body is not fully developed. That probably has something to do with it. You are also longer than average. You did not tell how large you are around or across. If you have a lot of girth, that can be worse than length for stretching too much.

It could be she has some situation that can make sex painful such as cysts or fibroids. Has she been to a gynecologist to have an exam?

If she wants to use toys to try to stretch out a little bit, she should maybe start with small dildos or vibrators and work up to larger ones.

She's 16 and her parents forbid her from having sex (essentially), so I don't think she's been to a gynecologist or has the option yet. Wouldn't something like that cause other problems unrelated to sex? Also, do you want my diameter? Circumference? I can measure. I'd say the diameter is between 1 and a half and 2 inches. If I make a circle with my thumb and index finger, that's about right. I bought her a dildo that's about my length but a little less wide. Like I said, even her fingers hurt... The pain is bearable up to 3 or so fingers. Likewise, I can get about 2 inches of mine inside and then it starts to hurt so bad she cries.

[ItsASecret]

You have to go at it very very very slow. If you just try to push your penis into her vagina without it being fully relaxed it will be too much pressure and hence far too much pain. The vagina is a muscle that acts like an elastic band, it can accommodate but it needs to be stretched out and have relaxed muscles in order to accommodate. My bf and I had a hard time at first, and still do if he does not start slowly, because he is basically the same size as you and I am a short little girl. The way it worked for us was to start with the slow arousal in order for myself to get sufficiently wet, then he would use one finger on me for a bit and work our way from there.

Go into the next time you two are intimate as a learning experience, a time to just try and make her most comfortable, and not an attempt to be banging like bunnies or anything lol-I do not think you are like that but you two are young so I will mention it anyway. If you need to use more lube from a bottle then do so but lubrication will be very very key to at least try and make things go along easier and without pain. One thing I will mention to help her along is by just using one finger and no toys or penetration with your penis at first. When you use your one finger in her you should ask her to clench her PC muscles, they are the same ones that control the flow of urine, while your finger is in her. You can very slowly move your finger around in her but try not to make it rapid movements as that can cause irritation and pain. A single finger is not wide enough to cause stretching pains like that of your penis or a toy entering her but it does help to ease her body into feeling something in her. If she repeatedly contracts those PC muscles her vagina will squeeze around your finger and when she releases those muscles everything will relax. That relaxing and essentially having the muscles get used to feeling something in her is what needs to happen. Repeat that process until she says she basically cannot feel your finger anymore or until she says everything is okay, that is muscle relaxation...no pain, no irritation, no pressure from it being stretched. From there you can move onto two fingers and do the same thing until her muscles have relaxed enough to be the same no pain, no pressure feeling. The key again is to go slow, treat it as a patient learning experience for the both of your rather than just trying to get right into it.

When it comes to toys or your penis again try to go slow. After her muscles have been slowly relaxed with one or two fingers then you can try inserting a small amount of the toy or your penis into her and ask again for her to contract and release those PC muscles. If she is okay with one inch then try the process again with a bit more inside. It may take some time if her hymen needs to be broken still but eventually things will get better.

[Xylogeist]

Thanks for the helpful information! Anyone else?

[DreamP346]

It can take a few times before it starts feeling comfortable. Just keep doing what you are doing. Make sure it is pleasurable for both of you. Don't rush things and don't get frustrated.

[Nonni114]

I have this jabbing pain during intercourse in one spot up by the cervix always in the same spot. He'll hit it when he hits it ya know and I'll try to go with it but this last time it was more intense when he would hit the spot located inside on right that afterwards i had lingering cramping like pain in the area where ovaries are located. I had some bleeding also, I thought he had started my period but the next day I was fine and bleeding was over. I tell my partner I need time to relax perhaps. It is mostly one position but every now then i won't have the pain for that certain position. Don't know if it's endo, cysts, fibroids...?

[Xylogeist]

It can take a few times before it starts feeling comfortable. Just keep doing what you are doing. Make sure it is pleasurable for both of you. Don't rush things and don't get frustrated.

Ok, we shall... its just, we had tried so many times and we took it rather slowly and got her really wet and used a lot of lubrication.. yet it was painful enough for her to cry each and every time. Is that amount of pain normal? I know they say it hurts at first.. but tears?

[DreamP346]

Ok, we shall... its just, we had tried so many times and we took it rather slowly and got her really wet and used a lot of lubrication.. yet it was painful enough for her to cry each and every time. Is that amount of pain normal? I know they say it hurts at first.. but tears?

Yeah, it can hurt. Some women describe it as their insides being ripped. Others just find it very sore and some women just say its a weird sensation. As long as other sexual acts don't hurt, like oral, fingering with one finger, masturbation, you have nothing to worry about. Keep trying the fingering. If you find that 3 fingers can fit without pain, then you can try intercourse.

There are also stretching toys like a succession of dildos that start really small (tampon size for the smallest). Once she feels comfortable with the really small one, then move to the next size. This exercise happens over many days, not a single session.