[justwonderingD]

I am about 75 pounds over weight and I have type one diabetes have had it for awhile. I also suffered abuse from my father when I was younger but those are just all little pieces that coulld play into what I am going to ask and I really don't want to ask my doctor he's a guy. Ok I have heard of female ejaculation however I have been abstinent for about three years now and the other night stress just got to much for me so I got out a toy and it was really hard for me to cunI mean I had to go back to imagining the abuse calling myself ***** and names in my mind and i had to push really hard to get my body to finally respond and let me orgasm but heres the thing I am not so sure it was an orgasm it was almost like I just peed on myself. Please don't be mean and tell me I am a sicko and need to see a therapist I have seen many for many years they really are not helpful at all and I know that my actions are not normal and normally I keep them to myself bet I need to know If I am peeing then I had better plan on staying abstinet and forget ever finding someone to share my life with does anyone know how to tell the difference between female ejaculation and the other. Again please don't make fun of me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi sweet.

Ahhh. I am just sorry that you feel that you have to go back to what happened to you and name calling in order to have an orgasm.

I want to say this. Explore your body, you.. No one else, as you did, but in a kind loving way, not rough, not as if your body is trash but beautiful and you want to feel that beauty... By feeling, you will experience all sorts of things you deserve a man that loves you and you will have that man, trust me.

Now, I would say, that your body was so craving attention, that by using the toy, you hit the g-spot as well, as deep penetration and it excited you and you had a female ejaculatoin.

I also want to tell you that most men would die to experience that, not shun away from it...

But, again, be kind to yourself, our bodies are amazing but also should be loved.

[DreamP346]

justwondering, I am sorry to hear about your past abuse. No, you are not weird and what you did is not abnormal at all. Needing to recall abuse to get sexual gratification is very common. Also, some people love being called names while having sex (abuse or no abuse). Every person is different and different things get them off. There are people who like being tortured and physical pain. Some like being pee'd on. Its all part of a healthy sexuality as long as you own it. If fantasizing about being called names gets you off, that is fine. Own it. Don't think about your abuser. Fantasize about who you want that person to be.

Female ejaculation looks very much like pee but doesn't smell like pee. It also is an involuntary reaction, unlike peeing that requires you to make a conscious decision to do.

Don't worry. The people on this site will not make fun of you. Its a wonderful group of caring people who give very good advise.

[Rajesh Rohra]

hi I am rajesh aged 49 yrs my wife is going into menopause she is getting her periods regularly but some time twice a month for 6 days is doing sex is good for menopause so that it realeses your stress as it happens with men

[Hugo-B]

^Rajesh, start a separate thread for this please.

[Claret]

The thing is, even though it's called sexual abuse, it can still feel good physically. You may not have wanted the abuse to happen with your entire being, but our bodies are designed to respond to the stimulai as yours did. So, when you were looking for the physical release of an orgasm, you resorted to what made your body feel good in the past. This is part of what makes us feel guilty. You know the abuse is wrong, but you still want the pleasure that can still be there.

You say you have been going to a therapist for years. Have you spoken specifically about this? What you want to do is get to a place in which you can enjoy sexual freedom without recalling the abuse, enjoy it for what it is at this moment in time and not the past.

[PinkySweet]

I think your okay girl everyone's different. Me personally, on the small occasion when my husband decides to be kinky I get turned on when he calls me his (****, hoe, etc.) So I think that's pretty normal.

Also I'm with everyone else, you most likely ejaculated. Personally I think you should be proud of yourself, because a lot of women don't experience it.

[justwonderingD]

OMgosh I am still scared how dumb is that sorry it has taken me so long I hadn't recieved a reply and thought that everyone just wanted me to go away then I thought about checking my trash and there it was....I want to thank you all so much ..I am still scared though I would really like to try some kinky stuff but I take care of my mom and right now that doesnt seem possible. The therapists I keep finding keep telling me to move on and not to talk about it and to try and think of what I can do to fight my depression now blah blah blah which is partly from flashbacks and my brain just not comprehending if a parent loves you and thinks you are beautiful as a child then.....when I look into a child's face there is no way I could look and think of any sexual act and I just don't understand how could he have looked at me and not seen a child but a sexual object I mean I was 11 when I remember it clearly but still. Anyway big hugs to everyone much love jwD

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know?

I don't think you will ever understand but nor do I think you should be told forget it. We do not forget anything in life that has played a big part in our lives, good or bad.. We do need to forgive and move on though.

We can't choose our parents either sweet.. Who knows what disfunctional problems he has and has always had.. I am sorry. I hope one day you hear those words from him.

I know it is still there in your mind and you are angry in a way but more confused I think. People are who they are, we can not change them. We are who we are, we can certainly ensure that we are different from them.. Just be you and love yourself and know, you are a great kid And the future is yours now.