[KayBoot]

Hello, everyone. I haven't properly introduced myself in the forum yet, but I intend to. I'm definitely in need of some advice/support, and I'm glad to be among friends.

I am 24 years old, and I was just married last month to the man I've been with for almost six years now. He is wonderful, and I truly, truly love him. "Soulmate" doesn't begin to describe it. He has been so wonderfully patient with me and this problem, and we have no trouble communicating about it. I feel very lucky to have him.

That being said, I have an irrational fear of sex. The fact of the matter is, I am not incredibly interested in it to begin with (which I feel is probably not normal), and I have always been terrified that it will hurt. In nearly six years, my husband and I have only attempted sex twice. The first time, we couldn't figure it out (we're both virgins), so we stopped before we could get overly frustrated. The second time we tried was on our honeymoon last month. We both really wanted it to work out, and made sure to include lots of foreplay and lube. But when we started to make some progress, it felt like I was tearing down there, near the bottom of the opening. It hurt bad enough that I screamed out, and he stopped right away. Afterward, it burned really badly to pee for a couple of days, to the point where I was holding it too much. I had this problem to a lesser degree the first time we tried sex. Since the second time, I am too afraid to try sex again because I'm afraid I will tear and that it will be excruciating pain.

If it helps to know, I do masturbate, but I never use any toys to penetrate. It is purely clitoral stimulation. The same is true for when my husband helps me out--I never let him insert fingers inside. Additionally, I have always had trouble with tampons. I've used them a handful of times, and it always hurt/I could always feel them. I was never sure if this was because I was thinking about it too much and psyching myself out.

Finally, I saw a gynecologist prior to my honeymoon for birth control. My pap smear was normal, my vaginal exam was normal, and my transvaginal ultrasound showed only normal cysts.

Does anyone have any insight into this problem or any advice? Is it normal to feel like you are tearing the first time, and is it normal to feel burning afterward the first time? He is the only man I've ever been with, so I can't really tell you if his size is maybe the issue. Overall, I just feel really stupid and naive. Are we maybe having this problem because we're both virgins and have no clue how to do this?

Thanks so much for your time.

[DreamP346]

For some women, sex can be painful the first couple of times. Sometimes it can be painful even if a sexually active women goes a few months wihtout sex and starts again. You just need to take it slow.

First, learn more about sex. I would recommend the book Guide to Getting it On. You guys are probably really nervous and that can make you tense up and makes things worst. Try lots of non penetrative stuff. Become comfortable with the idea of doing sexual stuff with your husband. Once you start enjoying your time together, you will hopefully not be so fearful of sex. this may takes weeks, months. Take your time. You have your entire life ahead of you.

When you are ready for intercourse, go into it knowing that if you feel any pain, you will both stop it, but continue doing other sexual stuff and enjoy. This will take the preassure off and also not make the encounter riddled with guilt. Just takes things realy slow and one day at a time. Maybe one day just try inserting one finger as part of the sexaul play. Don't do anything more penetrative. Of course, try lots of other sexual stuff. Once that one finger start to feel good (over days/weeks/months), add another finger. Keep working slowly till you have get 3 fingers in. Then try penetration.

also, try having an orgasm before. that will relax your muscles.

[Element]

I'd say you might want to try fingering yourself while you two make out, and touch one another. This can let you stretch yourself out a bit and get your body ready for his penis.

I can tell you that with my first time, him breaking my hymen did cause pain for a full minute. But when the pain went down and I told him to go on, it felt kinda good. For the first half a dozen times though, when he entered and exited at the end, there was some pain. But after that there hasn't been. I got loosened up and I wasn't so tight. So don't fret, there is hope and the sex gets amazingly great. Just be patient with one another, keep yourself calm, in the moment, don't let your head wander. Just be with him.