[lateen]

Hi, I am new to this site, but I have an issue going on that I would like some advice on. I am 23 and my boyfriend is 31 and we have been happily together for the past 3 1/2 years (living together for 1 1/2 of those). When I say happy, I mean we are incredibly in love with each other, and I could not see myself with anyone but him, he is my best friend and my everything, and I really feel we have an incredible relationship. The issue I have is that I am beginning to see that I am getting very frustrated with our sex life. I feel like I am ALWAYS the one to initiate it, I mean ALWAYS. I honestly do not even remember the last time he just out of the blue brought up the idea of having sex with me. Currently we have sex about once a week, sometimes once every other week. And, when we do it, it's great. Once I bring up the idea of sex, he's all into it, and he satisfies me to no end...I just wish I could get surprised once in awhile, that's all.

There is another issue, I have trouble reaching orgasm at times, and sometimes it takes him awhile (whether it be oral/fondling) to get me off...it's not because he's bad or anything at it, it's just me getting in my own head..I've always had this problem, and I don't see it fixing itself, so I just kind of deal with having to wait a little while before I orgasm (and I'm not talking like FOREVER, it usually takes like 15, sometimes up to 30 mins). I sometimes think this may be part of the problem. He SAYS he likes to get me off, but I really think he has a problem with how long it takes me to reach orgasm, and it seems like a chore to him sometimes. And, plus I really enjoy having sex even when I don't reach climax.

We both work a lot, and have a lot of stress in our lives. Oh, and we have briefly brought up this subject a few times before, and he always says that he doesn't like sex to be "planned", like, I can't wake up on Saturday morning and say, "Hey, let's have sex at some point today", he takes that as "unsexy" because it is like we are making plans.

I know that he loves me more than anything, and he really LOVES having sex with me when I initiate it and we are doing it, I just wish the tables were turned once in awhile. It is starting to affect my self-esteem.

Sincerly,
Frustrated

[DreamP346]

You two need to sit down and have a good talk. You don't have to schedule sex, but explain you would like him to initiate sometimes. He may have a lower libido than you or he may just have gotten comfortable with the idea of you taking control. Open communication and letting each other know what you both need is the best solution.

There is nothing wrong with planning sex as long as it doesn't become routine. Tell him that and ask him to try it out. Make it fun and exciting. You can try teasing him all day and sexting him on days you plan to have sex. Or maybe go out of your way to sex up a sex night with lingurie and toys. Explain that because you knew it was happening, you had the time to prepare.

Also, you don't have a problem orgasmsing. You need to realize that. You just take 15-30 minutes to orgasm. That is not abnormal at all. Both of you need to get it out of your heads that that is something wrong.

[Guest]

Buy him the following book:

She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D

It's a great book for all men to read IMO and he will learn a lot.

I have suggested it lots of times in this forum and received many thanks from people just like you/him.

It certainly isn't a "cure" or a "save all end all" but it seems to have helped many people here.

Take care.