[Hayley Bond]

My boyfriend has too much stamina. He and I could be doing stuff for hours and he still can't get off... We have no idea what to do. We can both tell that he enjoys it but it take too long for anything to happen and so he gives up and I can tell that it is really starting to bother him. I want to help him figure out how to get off faster but I don't know what to do... HELP

[Harmony]

is he physically capable of ejaculating? if not then he could have retarded ejaculation and needs to see the doctor.

[Guest]

There are so many possibilities here that's it's hard to say.

My first suggestion would be a complete physicial exam with blood work by his primary care physician and includes a list of questions/concerns that he or you as a couple has. Write them down, take them with you and do not leave the office until the physician has answered each one to your satisfaction.

Be open, be honest, be direct and be brief with any physician otherwise they can't help you.

Stamina is one thing but this sounds like something more.

Stay in touch please.

[DreamP346]

The pressure to pleasing a partner and the pressure of HAVING to cum can actually prevent ejaculation. Take the pressure off by not aiming for ejaculation. If is happens, great. If not, no biggie. Put focus on pleasure you both gain, not the ejaculation. That may help.

[venusinfurs]

As sp346 said, he may be suffering from anxiety due to the expectations placed on him. A guy I used to be with had something like this happening to him. He was capable of getting an erection but couldn't ever actually get to completion with it for a short while before he became more comfortable with the idea of sex. I don't think he was a typical case but still. It does happen.

On the other hand, it could be a physical issue as well, so it would actually be best to bite the bullet and discuss it with him and see what you two can do. Just try to talk about it and ask him if he feels too pressured to go to completion which is causing him to delay, or if he's ready but feels he really might have a physical issue/something else going on. It can't hurt.

[caster]

I have his problem sometimes, though not to his extent. An hour is about the longest it's taken, but in some cicumstances it's only taken a few minutes. Sometimes rest helps, like a quickie at 2:00 am will sometimes be just that, 3-5 minutes, in the morning after a big meal and drinks the night before might be 15-20 minutes with a break in there someplace, in the evening after a long day at work it might be 30 minutes with a lot of effort. Mid afternoon might be a nice and normal for us 10 minutes.
I've found that slowing down and even stopping while still being intimate helps, going harder and faster can desensitize me, but once you do finally reach a point where you feel it coming on you have to give it a max effort, the trick is knowing when you actual hit that point, it takes practice.
As I've gotten older I've also learned how to work with the issue as best I can. Like a long session of gentle foreplay on me by my wife helps me. It takes her about 10 minutes to O, so she'll give me a 10 minute head start, so to speak, so we climax close together.

Does he have a problem coming while masturbating? If not then it's technique and position, and anxiety is now starting to come into play now that he's aware of it. Keeping an open dialog going helps, let him stop and rest, going flaccid then erect a couple of times usually makes it happen quicker than staying hard for a solid hour. Although that does feel nice sometimes, it is very-very tiring.

[shoshannah]

Two things occur to me: 1) does he use condoms? That can cut way down on sensitivity and make it hard for him to climax. Or, 2) Is he subconsciously afraid that you'll get pregnant? That might be solved by reliable birth control if you aren't using it already.

[Ashlee T.]

Is he on any medications?

I dated a guy who had that issue and though I didn't know it at the time, he was addicted to pain pills. All that time I thought it was something about me...something I was doing wrong. Turns out, it was the meds.

[Harmony]

Is he on any medications?

I dated a guy who had that issue and though I didn't know it at the time, he was addicted to pain pills. All that time I thought it was something about me...something I was doing wrong. Turns out, it was the meds.

I've heard anti-depressants can cause this condition and were (and maybe still are) prescribed to help men who suffer from premature ejaculation.

So to summarize his condition could be at worst retarded ejaculation if he cannot physically cum.

The side affect of medication, I actually heard someone saying that just a short course of anti-depressants rendered him unable to climax in under an hour.

A consequence of frequent masturbating, probably over porn, which is more likely habitual than it is about him not finding the OP attractive or wanting to sleep with other women.

Nerves, which more commonly result in the man ejaculating too quickly or not being able to get an erection, but can manifest like this too.

I did write in response to a previous post the way I thought best for a woman to try and make a man climax as quickly as possible, I'll try and find it and re-post it here, I wanted to edit it anyway.

[Harmony]

Look on the bright side, most young and less experienced men (or was it just me?) ejaculate far too quickly (at least way before the woman wants them too) leaving their partner just as frustrated as you are when your partner can’t cum, but instead having had less than 5 minutes of sex. If this man is not your first partner then I’ll wager you’ve encountered PE before. You get the frustration an inexperienced man’s sexual partner/s usually have, but you get hours' of sex too, it could be worse ;-)

The same rule for a man not climaxing from sex applies to women who don’t climax from sex: no orgasm doesn’t automatically equate to no enjoyment or the absence of post coital satisfaction.

I would recommend you first insist on him abstaining from masturbating, this alone should make a big difference, if he's a young healthy guy ejaculating 3-4 times daily every day may well not be a problem for him, if he refrains from masturbating just for a couple of days the 'build up' should shorten his performance.

Anyway, here’s something you might want to try next time you have sex with him…

NB: Remember the signs that a man is about to cum are: groaning and/or whimpering accompanied by shortness of breath and increased swelling of the penis, you know the guy so you know what to look out for; they'll assist you with the following:

Get him into (or get him to get you into) his favorite position, doggy/woman bent over or woman on top tend to get men most worked up, but you know the guy so do whatever it is you know he likes (his favorite position whilst wearing that underwear he loves...). Next you want to simultaneously utilize every trick you can to work him up so he get’s overexcited...


If you’re not sure how to start next time you're on top of him experiment by making a few of those squeaky little feminine groans women make when they’re excited, accompanied by progressively longer, faster and harder strokes. Providing him with auditory signs (words AND whimpers) that you’re feeling more and more like you’re going to climax. Often for a man the sight and sound of a woman aroused is more than enough to get a man going—that’s why we love lesbian porn (no matter how bad the acting is) :-)

…So you’ve got him turned on and you're having sex in his favorite position; you’re looking out for shortness of breath and seeing if you can feel increased swelling of the penis. Once you hear him groaning a bit louder or breathing a bit harder and faster than normal in response to something you’re saying and/or doing: keep doing it! Next, start making those wonderful melodious purring sounds women make when they're enjoying themselves, and if he likes you talking dirty to him work that in too, men love to know they’re satisfying a woman, so again, don’t be shy in telling him that you feel like he's going to make you cum, (even if you’re not a white lie never hurt anyone).

Once you’ve elicited the desired response: continue doing whatever it is that he likes, progressively faster, harder and louder. Obviously exercise personal judgment throughout and don't overdo it, though many men LOVE the exaggerated theatrical moaning and bouncing in porn. You know him best so tailor it to his needs, not being afraid to crank it up or down a level or two as required. Remember men respond very favorably to visual stimulation.

Once you're doing this you need to remain in control of him and maintain the pace you're having sex at (easiest with you on top probably) at least slightly faster than he would if he were doing it. The key now is to just keep going—not giving him a chance to recompose and regain control of himself—until he literally explodes.

I'd say if anything were going to do it, I'd say this will, especially on top of the new no masturbating policy.