[boxofparadox]

So to make long story short, I recently started seeing someone and everything has been going well up until we started being sexually active. My sex drive has always been on the low end, but it fluctuates depending on various factors like stress, time of month, etc.

The problem is that the 2 times that we had sex, it's been extremely painful for me. It literally feel like he's using a sandpaper covered condom, and when he hits a certain spot (g spot?), I have an intense desire to pee. Even if I empty my bladder, the feeling never goes away.

I think the roughness is due to me not lubricating enough since it's so painful combined with the condom, but I don't understand the chronic urge to pee. Is it normal?

I'm little embarrassed to bring it up since he has a fairly high sex drive and I don't want him to be disappointed with my lack of performance. He's more than happy with other things I do for him, but this really annoys me.

I've been to the doctor couple months ago because I was concerned about my hormones being out of whack. They did all sorts of bloodwork testing, along with external/internal ultrasound (I was worried about possible PCOS), but they didn't find anything.

I've also read that it could be uterine fibroids, since I noticed after sex, there's quite a bit of spotting. But wouldn't they show up on the ultrasound?

sorry for the long post, I'm just a bit frustrated with myself and not sure what to do next. I'm kind of at a point where I never want to have sex anymore because it's so unpleasant.

[Guest]

Take a deep breath.... Slow down...

It sounds to me like you're reading/researching yourself into believing that there must be something terribly wrong with you. Just the mental overload of this can cause all sorts of challenges in and out of the bedroom.

While medicine and those who practice it are far from perfect, they are very good, so allow yourself to believe what they have told/shown you.

As to your concerns about discomfort, it may be a situation where you're simply moving too fast. You mentioned lack of lubrication and by not allowing or giving your body time to adequately prepare for imtimacy it could be very uncomfortable.

Our bodies have ways of reminding us when our minds allow us to move too quickly.

Frankly, Honestly, Bluntly...The discomfort sounds more like a HIM problem then a you problem. If he wasn't in such a hurry and/or was able to read and understand the signals you and your body are sending him then HE would know when to move forward from foreplay, sounds like there is not nearly enough of it, to intercourse, which he seems to want to get to much too quickly.

Your body is the greatest gift that you can share with another human being and physical intimacy is the act of sharing your body with them. Unfortunately, neither gender came with instructions so we have to do the best that we can as we go along and try to figure it out ourselves.

There are a number of good books that will help you if either of you are interested. There is even a thread in here about Books on Sex or something similar.

Relax. Have fun.

Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay....location, location, location....positions, positions, positions!!

[DreamP346]

Also consider lube. Nothing wrong with using it. Make sure your are fully aroused before starting intercourse. Also, could it be a latex allergy? Try using a non-latex condom.

Wanting to pee sensation is very normal. It usually indicates that you are about to have an orgasm. Just let yourself go. You won't pee on yourself.

Remember to communicate with your partner. If you don't tell him what is going on, you will just resent sex with him. Don't set yourself for sexual dysfunction. Be open. When you explain what is happening, he may have some suggestions himself and try to do things differently.

[Element]

I agree with the above posters. It's sounding like you're not lubricated enough and that's why it hurts, and that you're spotting; you're getting rubbed raw. With a great deal of foreplay to get you aroused and wanting sex, if you're still not lubricated enough, then buy some lube. But never let your significant other rush you, if you aren't ready to move forward, then let them know you need more time. Communication is the biggest and most important part of sex, let alone to make love.

[boxofparadox]

Thanks for the response, we tried several positions and for me it's least uncomfortable laying sideways , from the back.

I think part of the issue is that I still have a lot of mental hangups and it takes me forever to warm up to someone. Last relationship I was in, even after 2 years, I was still not 100% comfortable with him. Some of it has to do with negative body image, some of it due to my religious upbringing.

Although I don't think the peeing sensation is due to orgasm. I've had plenty of those on my own with a vibrator and it's never painful and uncomfortable like these ones. Ladies can relate, but it almost feels like when you have a UTI and you get that burning/painful sensation when you pee.

We also use quite a bit of lube, but may have to try different condoms.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Firstly I would straight away get some of the really good german lube.

Stop and wait until your getting wet enough before allowing him to enter.

If your not getting wet dont do it this can only make a bad situation into a worse situation.

Foreplay is what you do to get wet in your vagina so you need for him to spend as much time as needed to get you wet enough inside before he enters you.

If your not wet dont allow him to enter.

Drayness will just make you more uncomfortable and this could lead to dyspareunia or vaginismus the later is much worse than the former.

Dyspareunia (badly mated), vaginismus (lock vagina) painful or impossible penetration.

So do make sure you are vaginally wet before allowing him to enter you.

So he needs to get you to that point by using his hands to caress you gently, slowly and thoughtfully until your aroused enough.

Caressing is gilding his hands all over your body its not grinding or rubbing the latter is uncomfortable and doesn't get you wet.

So get him to practice this on himself what ever feels pleasant to him will feel pleasant for you.

If he's rough do it to him to show him how crappy it feels to you.

Do it slowly, gently, and in swirling motions all over your tummy, sides, back, arms, bottom, legs, front, left, right, upper and lower, sides initially do not touch your genitals or breasts.

You need to make sure his hands are smooth and soft, hands that are dry and cracked and rough are no good.

After as much time as you can bare allow penetration but really the longer you leave the penetration the better it is for you and the likelyhood of orgasm is much more higher.

The secret to orgasm is this hand caressing over a long time that is what I have found that works.

It took me all night 12 hours to produce an orgasm of great intensity so that is what you need to know before you have a go at it.

After that much time his testicles will be painful because hes aroused but has ejaculated that is what I discovered.

But believe me when I say that what follows is worth all the time you spent on foreplay a thousand fold.

Orgasm you'll be drenched in sweat everywhere all over your body.

The sweat is not caused by exertion its some strange inexplicable phenomena caused by this hightened state of erousal.

The womens body prepares for orgasm and makes it easy for the man to slide up and down on her and into her.

So its at this point when your heart is racing at over 200 beats per minute that and you can feel the onset of orgasm aproaching that you allow him in.

The rest is a strange out of body locked into each other and the binding of your souls swirling around together feeling like the your not only inside the women but are also one in the same together as the same entiity.

Sound weird and bizarre - thats because it is !!!

When your partner feels your keegals muscles contract rythmically and spasmodically and uncontrolably he'll understand exactly what I mean.

Oh and tell him so he knows not to freek out when those muscles start to bare down on his penis.

Ha ha what is face contort as that incredible pleasure hits him !!

Its like being held in the incredible pleasure that is beyond anything you've previously felt before for just too long a moment.

[Magnetism]

Thanks for the response, we tried several positions and for me it's least uncomfortable laying sideways , from the back.

I think part of the issue is that I still have a lot of mental hangups and it takes me forever to warm up to someone. Last relationship I was in, even after 2 years, I was still not 100% comfortable with him. Some of it has to do with negative body image, some of it due to my religious upbringing.

Although I don't think the peeing sensation is due to orgasm. I've had plenty of those on my own with a vibrator and it's never painful and uncomfortable like these ones. Ladies can relate, but it almost feels like when you have a UTI and you get that burning/painful sensation when you pee.

We also use quite a bit of lube, but may have to try different condoms.

I can relate. Even when I'm wet, intercourse can hurt when my muscles and mind aren't relaxed. The best trick for me is orgasming before sex to make penetration easy. There are times where I have mental blocks with orgasming. I feel the peeing sensation as well. I don't think intercourse is all that. I like oral and a few other sexual acts way way better.