[ecr2323]

Ok, I signed up strictly to get advice for this problem. My boyfriend of over a year and a half cannot orgasm from head. Lately he's only been able to get off if I'm lying next to him kissing him while he strokes himself. He used to be able to get off from sex all the time, but for some reason he says it takes too long and he just cuts to the chase by getting himself off because he thinks he's boring me. AND to make things worse, he won't orgasm from head... It's so frustrating. He told me he's never gotten off from head, not with anyone. He's been blown by a dozen or more girls and according to him, he's never been able to get off. He's even googled it, asked his buddies, and everyone tells him it's MY fault. I do exactly what he tells me to. I've tried everything. He says it's all mental, and he likes to be in total control. But I want to make him feel good. MYSELF. This is so frustrating.

[__s4mmy]

My girlfriend had this problem with her boyfriend.. They did some medical investigating to make sure there wasn't a health problem with him.. maybe try that? He ended up not having anything wrong, but his doctor told him he just gets too worked up over the anticipation of sex and orgasms, and to try to stop thinking about it, and to have more spontaneous sex because then he won't be anticipating having to get off. Unfortunately its very difficult for them because they only have time to spend together on the weekend every week so he still struggles. They just try not to talk about sex, and she usually randomly initiates it, apparently that seems to help.. Also, if your boyfriend is masturbating too often it would be hard for him to get off other ways.. maybe try bringing it up and if that could be the case, see if he'll consider masturbating less and seeing if that helps your sex life.. good luck!

[rcoreyus]

Probably nothing you are doing wrong, some men have this issue. Remember though how important the brain is for sex. Have you discussed his fantasies? Maybe there is a way he can be in "control" while you are giving him head.

[DreamP346]

Many men can't get off orally. Some don't enjoy it as much, others, its not enough pressure. Your partner should not blame you, especially if you are doing everything he asks. I have heard men comment that they can't cum unless they pump their partner's mouth. So instead of just sitting/standing and not moving, they need to pump their hips, similar to intercourse, to cum. This is not easily accomplished by all women, especially if you have a gag reflext.

Second, many men can't cum during intercourse and it can be for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they get used to their tight grip from masturbation. If that is the case, abstaining for manual stimulation for a while will most likely help. Also, if he is overly focused on your pleasure, that can caused delayed ejaculation. And you also have to remember, some men just take longer to cum.

[ecr2323]

We only see each other on weekends so I'm afraid that asking him to not masturbate during the week MIGHT be out of the question!! So OK now I feel a little bit better. Still like it's slightly my fault....I've googled this before and everybody on every forum tells the guy to find a better girl, and that this "must mean she's not right for you if she can't get you off from head". UGH!!

[__s4mmy]

Don't stress! Maybe ask him to try masturbating less in the week not necessary stopping all together.. It could really help, or maybe not masturbate for the two days before he sees you or whatever. Maybe gently explain to him how it makes you feel.. It could be a touchy subject for him.

[DreamP346]

We only see each other on weekends so I'm afraid that asking him to not masturbate during the week MIGHT be out of the question!! So OK now I feel a little bit better. Still like it's slightly my fault....I've googled this before and everybody on every forum tells the guy to find a better girl, and that this "must mean she's not right for you if she can't get you off from head". UGH!!

Remember, forums are just a bunch of random people giving advice based on what they think is right. Its somebody's oppinion, not fact. This is a forum as well, but the advice here has been pretty good. If you want to do research, make sure you go to legitimate scientific websites. Forums are a terrible place to get factual information. These places are to start a discussion and basically have a conversation. Its not the same as reading a text book with real scientific facts. A good place to do research is google scholar. Try reading the book Guide to Getting It On. Its not specifically about oral sex, but it has a lot of good information about sex.

In regards to masturbation, try asking your parter to change his hand. If he is right handed, use his left. He won't have as tight a grip with the opposite hand. Basically, you are trying to get him used to a looser grip. Also, make sure he is not masturbating to porn. Maybe you guys can have phone sex. The thing is your guys have to talk to each other about this and work out a soluation. Non of these may work because it may not be a tightess issue. You have to talk and figure it out and then work together to resolve it. That is how you build a good sexual relationship.

[Palerider]

Don't stress! Maybe ask him to try masturbating less in the week not necessary stopping all together.. It could really help, or maybe not masturbate for the two days before he sees you or whatever. Maybe gently explain to him how it makes you feel.. It could be a touchy subject for him.

I second this. My husband and I mutually agreed to stop masturbating and it's worked wonders for both of us.

[MoeJr]

Ok, I signed up strictly to get advice for this problem. My boyfriend of over a year and a half cannot orgasm from head. Lately he's only been able to get off if I'm lying next to him kissing him while he strokes himself. He used to be able to get off from sex all the time, but for some reason he says it takes too long and he just cuts to the chase by getting himself off because he thinks he's boring me. AND to make things worse, he won't orgasm from head... It's so frustrating. He told me he's never gotten off from head, not with anyone. He's been blown by a dozen or more girls and according to him, he's never been able to get off. He's even googled it, asked his buddies, and everyone tells him it's MY fault. I do exactly what he tells me to. I've tried everything. He says it's all mental, and he likes to be in total control. But I want to make him feel good. MYSELF. This is so frustrating.

Don't listen to all that garbage coming from friends, forums with young men trying to be all that....... IT IS NOT YOU .....It is a considerable mental issue, so the fact that he realizes that, means you two can easily work through this, so STOP WORRYING . Just my advice do with it what you think.... Stay down on him until he does, no matter how long it takes stay there, don't stop. Your lips will be numb, jaws sore, so what stay there. And when he does...problem solved! He has his brain focused that NO woman can..... prove him wrong and you will be getting him off every time..... good luck !

[Afellow]

It's not your fault. Actually, it might not actually be a problem, or the "problem" may go away if you can both stop treating it as one. Lots of people have difficulty letting go and just letting someone else pleasure them, and it can take time and greater intimacy to get there. Also, receiving head can still feel just wonderful even without orgasm as a goal. Also, I third the motion on cutting down heavy pressure masturbation-- it may take awhile for sensitivity to change for the better, but it's well worth exploring. I've only one other thing to say-- certain common medications can make it take a lot longer (or not at all) for people to cum-- guys lasting a long time was supposed to be a side-benefit, but sometimes it can get to be just too much.