[aa889d]

All men masturbate and MOST (if not all) look * porn ...

Chelsea -

I hate to burst your bubble. But your man probably still looks * porn. He does it out of your sight, out of respect for you b/c he knows you don't like it (and the fact that it'll likely save him from a fight he doesn't want to have).

All men masterbate. Those that say they don't are liars.

All men that used to look at porn, still look at porn. They just don't do so it out in the open - saves face with the female s/o. I would guess 95-99% of all men HAVE looked at porn in some form at some point in their life.

Its kinda like asking a guy if he looks at other women? Yes he does, but he KNOWS that this answer won't fly, so he says he doesn't. At least he doesn't around YOU. I garaunteeee if he's by himself, he looks.

We know it might impact your self-esteem, but really guys don't understand this. Its like a lady going "window shopping" for clothes she has NO intention or finances to buy.... some gals enjoy it - its fantasty - some even TRY the clothes on - etc ......

Well for men - porn is like this. It doesn't mean we are disatisfied with our spouse (s/o), its just window shopping for variety. I've looked at types of porn (including some group / gay stuff) - just out of the curiosity factor alone. Does this mean I'm gay? No, I'm not. Does this mean I want to act these things out? No. Does it mean my wife isn't enough for me, or that I want HER to do these things? No.

Sometimes for a guy - its really a matter of, "I just gotta see how they actually pull that act off !!!!" Its like going to the freak show at the carnival .... You know its fake, but you just gotta pay your $2 and go see the bearded lady, or the two-headed midget, etc....

If the guy looks at a pictue or a video or a clip on the internet, is it REALLY any different than what he can dream up in his mind? I guess we have to stop fantasizing while we masterbate then? Or maybe we should only be allowed to think of our spouse (s/o) while we masterbate?

I've read enoug on here that tells me the gals out there think of other things, not only during their "alone" time - but when they are in the actual act with their partner !!!

Bottom line - as long as he's coming home to you, and is NOT choosing porn over your normal sex life (i.e. addiction) - then I think your making a bigger deal out of it than its worth. If its an addiction, or he's requesting for you to do things he has seen, etc... then its an issue.

Its like a gal reading a steamy romance novel, or a sex story and getting all turned on by it. No guy that I know of is going to be like, "You shouldn't get turned on by THAT - I'm not good enough for you - you have to go think of Fabio to get you hot ....."

No - they guy is going to be glad that you're hot to trot and more than likely reap the benefits of you working yourself into a frenzy with such material.

I think ladies would do themselves (and their men) a big favor by approaching their man and porn with the same mindset.

[ChelseaRenee]

Woah, that's a lot! Let me try to help you out here.

My boyfriend absolutely masturbates without porn. He has some, uh, pictures of me he uses on occasion. But I know when he's in the shower he's just fantasizing about me. So porn CAN be a means to the desired end, but it in no way, shape, or form is the ONLY way to that end. My SO has admitted that porn just offered a quick fix which, when masturbating, is all they're looking for anyway. Because there is that added stimulation when watching porn and masturbating(visual AND physical), it's quicker.

Also, and I'm just throwing this in here, men do NOT give half a **** about the women they're seeing. Go and ask him 20 minutes after he's gotten off to porn what the girl's name was, or what she even looked like! I GUARANTEE he'll have little or not idea whatsoever. He's looking at the act itself occuring on the screen- probably NOT focusing on the woman. Or so I've been told, and I tend to trust that butthead of mine.

I feel it absolutely goes back to adolescence. My SO has been viewing porn since he was 14 or 15 years old. Old habits do tend to die hard, but he dropped it like a bad habit when he thought it would benefit me and our relationship. That's not to say that it hasn't been a little frustrating to him at times, since masturbating sometimes may be harder without the added stimulation, but now he says he's never looking back. Those pictures I was referring to we view together, so he's not masturbating to them. Just appreciating beauty. He actually admitted to me recently that while it was NEVER an addiction, by any means, (once or twice a week, maybe not at all) that he's relieved he doesn't watch it anymore, simply because now he just uses his imagination totally- he said before he was watching the sexual acts and imagining us do it. I know a lot of men may try to tell me he's lying, but a lot of men I've talked to have confirmed that they do do this, men who would have no gain in lying to me about it.

As for stopping, again, he just thought the benefits from not watching it far outweighed the benefits he got FROM watching it! So he stopped. It can be done! A side note though, if he's not willing, don't try. You may decide you want to bow out if he's not willing to do that for you, but you telling him to stop and him doing it just because you asked but having no real desire to stop will only come to him hiding it again, and having very bitter feelings towards you. Not good.

Boy, do I understand feeling inadequate over those porn w h o r e s. But just remember, that's all they are. And trust me, he knows it just as well as you do. But think of it this way. Think of male celebrity you find attractive. You DO find him attractive, but, does the way you think about that celebrity come into play at ALL when you think about how attractive you find your man? Never! It works both ways...

And I see you said you don't understand the porn equation. Long answer short, there isn't a d a m n one. I assume the reason he's embarrassed is because, while the media tends to saturate us with images of sex and sexuality, our personal sexuality is usually highly repressed in this culture, and there is an especially large stigma attached to masturbation. A lot of men talk about it and are open (like mine) while others are more reserved (like yours). Try your best to facilitate an open and honest discussion. Most importantly, CHECK YOUR FEELINGS AT THE DOOR!!! He won't be able to open up and talk if the water works are flowin'! He's feel far too guilty to be open and honest.

Anything else? I'm lovin' being able to talk to someone about this.

[ChelseaRenee]

Chelsea -

I hate to burst your bubble. But your man probably still looks * porn. He does it out of your sight, out of respect for you b/c he knows you don't like it (and the fact that it'll likely save him from a fight he doesn't want to have).

All men masterbate. Those that say they don't are liars.

All men that used to look at porn, still look at porn. They just don't do so it out in the open - saves face with the female s/o. I would guess 95-99% of all men HAVE looked at porn in some form at some point in their life.

Its kinda like asking a guy if he looks at other women? Yes he does, but he KNOWS that this answer won't fly, so he says he doesn't. At least he doesn't around YOU. I garaunteeee if he's by himself, he looks.

We know it might impact your self-esteem, but really guys don't understand this. Its like a lady going "window shopping" for clothes she has NO intention or finances to buy.... some gals enjoy it - its fantasty - some even TRY the clothes on - etc ......

Well for men - porn is like this. It doesn't mean we are disatisfied with our spouse (s/o), its just window shopping for variety. I've looked at types of porn (including some group / gay stuff) - just out of the curiosity factor alone. Does this mean I'm gay? No, I'm not. Does this mean I want to act these things out? No. Does it mean my wife isn't enough for me, or that I want HER to do these things? No.

Sometimes for a guy - its really a matter of, "I just gotta see how they actually pull that act off !!!!" Its like going to the freak show at the carnival .... You know its fake, but you just gotta pay your $2 and go see the bearded lady, or the two-headed midget, etc....

If the guy looks at a pictue or a video or a clip on the internet, is it REALLY any different than what he can dream up in his mind? I guess we have to stop fantasizing while we masterbate then? Or maybe we should only be allowed to think of our spouse (s/o) while we masterbate?

I've read enoug on here that tells me the gals out there think of other things, not only during their "alone" time - but when they are in the actual act with their partner !!!

Bottom line - as long as he's coming home to you, and is NOT choosing porn over your normal sex life (i.e. addiction) - then I think your making a bigger deal out of it than its worth. If its an addiction, or he's requesting for you to do things he has seen, etc... then its an issue.

Its like a gal reading a steamy romance novel, or a sex story and getting all turned on by it. No guy that I know of is going to be like, "You shouldn't get turned on by THAT - I'm not good enough for you - you have to go think of Fabio to get you hot ....."

No - they guy is going to be glad that you're hot to trot and more than likely reap the benefits of you working yourself into a frenzy with such material.

I think ladies would do themselves (and their men) a big favor by approaching their man and porn with the same mindset.

I respect your opinion and I'm not going to fight you on this because quite frankly, it won't make a difference. But I know he doesn't and the reason I don't really doesn't matter. I just do. And NO, I'm not snooping. So Peace, don't be discouraged. If he cares enough he can and will stop, honey.

Also, he does masturbate. Whenever he wants to. I KNOW all men masturbate, and he's free to do so. He just chooses to do it without porn. And I know he looks at other women. We talk about it and I laugh at him for it all the time! Hell, we even look together. I know my boyfriend better than you seem to think.

[inquisitive1]

It can be a very dangerous thing to think or speak for all people. No one can speak for his or her entire gender, race, or culture. Just because one believes something or engages in a certain practice does not mean every other person on our planet believes or practices the same thing.

[ChelseaRenee]

Very true, and I'm sorry about that! I'll retract my statement and say I know most men masturbate, at least from my experience. Thanks for catching that, is it pretty dangerous.

[inquisitive1]

Very true, and I'm sorry about that! I'll retract my statement and say I know most men masturbate, at least from my experience. Thanks for catching that, is it pretty dangerous.

Hello ChelseaRenee-

You do not have to make a retraction if you do not wish to. I made an observation as a person, a woman, and ä fellow WH user....not a moderator. That's just me "ïnquisitive1" participating in the discussion. I'm pleased you identify the possibilities of the dangers in relegating entire groups of people. Post Happy!