[jazzyboo]

My husband and I have been together for 5 yrs (He is 42 and i'm 25), he seemed to be the perfect guy and we get along great and I thought we had a great sex life. He says I ****************ked him like he never felt before. Well as soon as we got married 2 yrs ago he started to fantasize about me with other men. I thought it was weird and it really turns me off. I am used to a man wanting me only for himself but this man who is my husband not some guy i'm dating but the man i plan to spend the rest of my life with wanted me to sleep around. I wish he had said something earlier or I would never have married him. I told him i will fantasize and play the role for him but I won't do it. We have sex almost everyday except when i'm on my period and we don't have kids. I never for a second thought he was cheating on me he is always loving and treats me great. Recently I notice that everywhere he went he brings his phone with him and i couldn't help but wonder why he is being so protective of it. I looked in it when he was in the shower and there was a text asking if he still wanted to meet up. the number was never assigned and i wrote it down it was a 646 number. I called and a girl answered as soon as she heard my voice female she hung up. I went through his phone records and noticed he calls the 646 numbers every single day. Before, work ,lunch time and after work, I Google the numbers and saw that they were prostitutes. I checked our bank account and sure enough every day he calls he withdrew 100 to 200 for sex. I confronted him and he admitted to everything. He said he didn't cheat because I was not good in bed or didn't I've him e he just don't know why. he says he will not do it again. He still wants me to sleep with other men and now he says he wants me to sleep with women too.I'm so grossed out by him we have not had sex in months n we got tested n we don't have stds. I'm afraid I can't satisfy him and I don't want to be forced to do something I don't want to do. He seem to really changed but I don't believe his obession with prostitutes and cockholding will just go away like that i'm confused.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Jaz,

I don't believe that he has changed at all, rather you never knew who you married.

I think that this man is only concerned for himself, if you think about it, he gets caught, apologises, gets a test and then STILL trys to sway you to be a swinger forgetting your feelings totally or what you just found out.

In my opinion, this man always did this and whilst I am definately not one to worry at all about ages, love is love, I can't help but feel that he thought he had a prize, after all you were only 20 and I feel (gut feeling) that due to that age, he thought given time, he could convince you to live "his" life as a swinger alas, from the sounds of it and I am pleased, that's not going to happen.

This has nothing to do with you not satisfying him. This has to do with his greed and non understanding of what constitutes a relationship, marriage.

No where has he shown his care, concern for you, for what you just found out and how you must be feeling, so don't go putting any blame onto yourself.

My fear is even if you stand your ground and let him know, try it, mention any of that again, see a prostitute and I found out and you are history, he will find ways to continue to do it behind your back and the other, is that he doesn't really seem to care at all of the hurt you must be feeling.

Would I stay? Heck no.

[jns]

It sounds like he hid his true personality from you. I don't see how this is fixable. You are young enough to start over. Is that something that you have thought about?