[Jackie13]

Hi everyone! I'm new here and I'm looking for some help.

I don't have an issue getting horny if I'm thinking about sex or if I'm watching porn, but it never lasts if there is physical stimulation. If I touch my clitoris the feelings might last for a minute or so, and then I just can't hold it. I start to get bored because the feelings aren't increasing, and then I just stop. Any vaginal stimulation does absolutely nothing for me. It always appears wet (even when I'm not turned on), but nothing works. Not sex, oral, or fingering. I'm on birth control but I've always had this problem, before I even started taking it. What can I do? It's incredibly frustrating not being able to satisfy myself or my boyfriend.

Any help is really appreciated! I was thinking about getting my hormone levels checked, but I really was hoping for some advice!

[Jackie13]

I also forgot to mention, I've tried various vibrators and lubes as well-- still nothing!

[Euphoric]

Jackie,

How old are you? Do you have any past sexual experience good or bad?

Sometimes when a person has experienced negative sexual experiences, such as abuse, there is a negative association toward sexual activity, which can make it difficult to feel pleasure from such activity. Certain medicines, such as birth control and/or antidepressants can also kill ones sexual libido.

Some background information may help our members to better understand why you are able to get turned on, but penetration kills the mood.

[Jackie13]

Jackie,

How old are you? Do you have any past sexual experience good or bad?

Sometimes when a person has experienced negative sexual experiences, such as abuse, there is a negative association toward sexual activity, which can make it difficult to feel pleasure from such activity. Certain medicines, such as birth control and/or antidepressants can also kill ones sexual libido.

Some background information may help our members to better understand why you are able to get turned on, but penetration kills the mood.

I'm currently 22. My first sexual experience was at 16 and not very great-- it was more to please someone because I was worried about them breaking up with me;so the negative experience thing could be a possibility, but I've had this same issue ever since I hit puberty. Sometimes if I do try clitoral stimulation the vagina gets 'hot' but to the point where there is a mild burning sensation, not a sensation of being aroused. I've spoken to a few gynecologists before about the issue but none gave me any information that was helpful, nor did any of them check any of my blood work or hormone levels.

[Euphoric]

Okay. You say you have tried vibrators and lube to no avail. What type of vibrator? Some are battery operated while others plug into the wall. For some women, the plug in models are too stimulating and make you numb, hence, feeling no pleasure. Have you tried experimenting alone?
Trying to "perform" for someone, or trying to please them puts added pressure on you, which can also be counterproductive.

You can try (and may have) using a generous amount of lube, and using the vibrator gently on your clitoris. If that does nothing, you could try leaving your undies on and using the vibrator through them to produce an indirect stimulation.

I am a fan of toys. I have a hard time getting "there" without the extra stimulation. I can reach climax quicker when I'm doing it myself, but enjoy it more when playing around with Hubba. That said, you may find sex more pleasurable once you figure out what feels good, and how to produce that feeling while you are alone.

I had to train my brain, so to speak, to not be goal oriented (for the sole purpose of orgasm) and learn to enjoy to ride. It's a marathon, not a race! It took me a while to be able to fully enjoy the process - because of negative background crap.

Have you tried pleasing yourself?

[Jackie13]

Thanks for the info! And yes, I try pretty frequently (1-2x a week) in different positions/areas in case I just haven't found a spot that id good for me yet, but to no avail. I definitely think my issue might be mental, since it doesn't make sense for me to be turned on but not feel stimulation well. I just seem to get a "block" after a while of trying to pleasure myself and lose the feeling of arousal. The vibrator I had was battery operated and it had different speed settings that I tried, but none were really stimulating.